AwkwardKitty

I have been sober for almost 6 months (next Tuesday). I'm having a hard time. In depressed, suicidal, haven't slept properly in months, my appetite is all over the place, I feel hungover and exhausted all the time, I'm devoid of energy and suicidal.
I've had a really rubbish day, my work is pushing me and I just want to drink. I've been thinking it over for hours. Theres none in the house but I could get some.
even though its 11pm. And I'm exhausted. I've been crying all day. I just want it all to go away.
I'm terrified of getting alcohol poisoning because I haven't drank in so long but dont know if I care.
I feel I'm really close to drinking. I'm really scared. I feel so hopeless.

Be123

Hi AK, I take it you're in the Uk, same time zone as me!

Whats been **** at work?

kk1k5x

Please don't drink.
I know your AV must be spinning quite a story for you right now, trying to catch you off-guard, but don't let it.

The AV always claims that you'd gain something from drinking. In truth, you only lose your sobriety. Alcohol cannot fix any of the issues you listed - but a sober you can. If not on your own, then you'll have people you can seek help from.

Being sleepless is rough, I know from painful experience. However, alcohol only made it worse.

I hope you decide to stay sober and seek the help you need. You've been through the ringer, give yourself a break and take care of you. That does not and never has to involve alcohol.

Dee74

Drinkings not going to help any of that AK - I know the idea of drinking sounds like respite but its not - it'll only make it all worse.

If you're suicidal you need help - can you ring a crisis line, or see your doctor - even on a telehealth consult?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html

Sometimes life is hard - I don't think there should be any shame in asking for help, Ak - do it now.

D

decchemist

Hello AK

You might feel like its a good idea to drink but it really is not. You will be feeling even worse if you drink when you sober up. Don't throw 6 months away.

If you feel depressed you might be clinically depressed so see a doctor. I did. It was the best thing I ever did apart from stop drinking.

Hodd

Go to sleep now and see how you feel in the morning. You’ll at least be glad you didn’t drink and as a result in a better frame of mind to handle the other stuff. Drinking won’t help, will it? Take it easy and post again tomorrow 🙂

AwkwardKitty

I do have depression, I've always had it. It's really bad at the moment.
I haven't been to the dr for some weeks now, last time was to get sleeping pills.
I'm afraid to speak to them. Ive been under lots of mental health services.
I think I probably need to speak to someone. I'm not suicidal as in I'm going to do it now but I've been thinking about it a lot and weighing up pros and cons and things like that.
I have a young son so wouldnt do something like that lightly.
I'm really sorry if this is bad to talk about.
It's almost feels like I havent gained anything from sobriety, I feel so terrible all the time, my mental health is worse at the moment.
Work are putting me under a lot of pressure and my manager is really annoyed with me and blaming me for things unfairly, I feel. Lockdown has made my job 10 times harder anyway.
you know when you just feel completely stuck.
I've not eaten today, I feel sick. I am not in a good place.

decchemist

I had those suicidal thoughts in the past but like you have kids. I could never do that that to them and I don't think you could to your son.

Sometimes work and bosses are really horrid. It's hard to deal with especially if you are a sensitive soul. I really struggle with conflict.

You will have gained from sobriety for sure.

Be123

That sounds really hard AK. And your boss sounds like a ********.

Senidng you strength for tonight

Steely

I hope you didn't drink AwkwardKitty. But if you did, you'll be understanding now why it's never a good idea. Just never.

Sounds like you've moved into that phase of abstinence where you are dealing with your feelings. I'm going through same. No way will I drink AK because I want so much to deal with my feelings without knocking myself out with alcohol. Finding my strengths. And I'm making headway. Slowly.

Hope you didn't drink. Maybe a good idea to think about getting yourself a therapist? Early days can be very confronting. Difficult. And support so very important.

My best to you AwkwardKitty.

PuckLuck

Kitty,

Like others said, alcohol will only make the depression worse. I've had clinical depression (possibly bi-polar disorder) since I was a kid. Way before I started drinking and when I started drinking it just got worse and worse. The booze won't help. You'll just end up crying all night long and then you'll wake up feeling like (bleep). Worse than you do now, I guarantee you.

I'm having a crappy day too, but hang in there. Get some sleep and post here in the morning.

Steely

Just saw you are seeing mental health professionals. Talk to them AwkwardKitty.

And try to eat. Hydration too.

least

Oh please don't drink! Drinking will just make everything worse. I hope you'll talk to your doctor or therapist and get some help for the depression. I was diagnosed many years ago with clinical depression and Zoloft has made my depression bearable and not near as bad as it used to be. Please talk to someone who can help you.

Dee74

No there's nothing bad about talking about how you're feeling, AK.
I gave you the link to help, not to chastise you

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences in the past with medical help but somethings can't be solved by us alone - when we try that we usually do something like drinking which is catastrophic for an alcoholic.

Find someone you trust and get some help - you're worth it

D

Coldfusion

Oh, I hope you don't drink! I know two people who went back out recently, and both of them ended up in the hospital. You don't know where it will take you!

Hodd

I’m sure you know that depression is now treated as the genuine problem it is. This wasn’t always the case sadly. You can speak to your doctor again. Don’t make things harder by drinking. These are rough times now, but they’ll pass.

Anna

AwkwardKitty, I am really sorry that you're feeling so low. I know that depression can be exhausting and along with not sleeping well, can really take a toll on you physically, mentally and spiritually. I can sense you feel cornered and alone, and I'm so glad you are here talking about it. Is there one thing you can do today to help yourself feel a bit better? Even if you don't feel like it, making a nice meal for yourself could help. I dealt with depression all my life and I know that, if I do one thing, it will often have a ripple effect of positivity in my life. Try to be kind to yourself. I think that is so important. Recognize how far you've come and hold on to your sobriety. Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

Hevyn

Hi AK. I can't add much - so I'll just say we all care about you & don't want you to sabotage yourself by drinking.
I hope you'll let your dr know how miserable you've been feeling lately - you shouldn't have to settle for this.

BeABetterMan

Play the tape forward. How will tomorrow feel if you drink today? Better or worse?

Hodd

How are you feeling this morning, Kitty?