Spybee007

Hey all,

I’ve posted back as far as 2011 or Maybe earlier. I am an alcoholic. I have gone a few small periods of sobriety throughout my almost 20 years of alcoholism. 9 months, 4 weeks here and there and more commonly, 3-4 days. I have a friend who’s older and was a coke addict, he’s also battled alcoholism and I always think about what he said to me one day, he said his coke addiction was 90% good times in the beginning/ 10% bad, but went to 90% bad, 10% good at the end of his time using. I am at that point now. 90% bad. I hate, hate, hate waking up with the hangover, it feels ****** physical, but so much worse mentally. I keep counting the years in my head and I’m like, it’s probably too late, my liver is probably shot and I can’t see myself living past 40. It feels like a death sentence given by a doctor, terminal. I’ve been to the doctor recently and all my tests are good, liver is good, blood pressure everything, but I don’t trust the tests and I just feel like I’m dying. I have a few measures in place to assure I don’t drink, but ultimately I am in charge of making them happen and I always seem to help myself out of them so I can drink. I feel better after 3-7 days and I think what’s one more time? I know this isn’t going to stop. Is it too late for me to quit? Is my health ****** and I won’t live to be 70-80 or even more because of my 20 years of binge drinking? Can I make it past 40?

MaximusD

Spy, I don't mean to downplay your 20 years of binge drinking but many have way more, quit and move on to live healthy long lives. The liver is AMAZINGLY resistant. I do believe the tests. In all my years of meeting and talking to alcoholics I have heard of very few that had liver disease. I would guess that many of us have fatty livers but that is like having a fatty belly from what I understand. You will be fine. Don't stress about the health aspect just don't drink. What day are you on? Also, keep drinking and you DEFINETLY won't live a long life so there is that too.

Anna

I used to think 'what's one more time', too, and I'm lucky I survived. Each time I tried to stop drinking was harder than the last and the withdrawals were worse. I hope you decide to stop drinking for good at this point. None of us know how long we're going to live, but if you are sober, the life you have left to live will be awesome.

Spybee007

Thanks, that is reassuring news of course with caution. It feels like I’ve drank my lifetime supply and maybe an afterlife’s time supply, but I know many have drank more. My wife’s uncle is always drinking at every family event and my wife can’t remember a time where he wasn’t drinking and he’s in his early 60’s. I’m on day 0, I went 3 days and here I am drinking a 12 pack again. It sucks because the first 5-6 feel great and the next 6 I’m chasing that feeling. I don’t worry too much about my health until I wake up at 5am and feel like death, then it’s all day worrying and then I feel 75% the next day and it goes up from there which also sucks because I feel better and do it all over again.

Jim1958

Don't wait too long to stop. I sadly have a friend that has been drinking for years. He even went to rehab but it did not do any good. I heard he recently had a stroke. He's 61 years old. I don't think he will live too much longer. Stopping is hard, don't let anybody tell you it is not. But the patient has to help themselves. Do what you can, take it day by day. Counseling, AA, whatever works. Just don't wait too long. Because you can wait too long, and your health can't come back. If your tests are ok now take that as a sign you looked into the abyss and backed off in time. Best wishes to you in your recovery.

Spybee007

At this point I’m willing to abandon what I thought wouldn’t work and just try anything. I’m sorry about your friend. I hope he gets another chance, just one more and makes it through! Thank you for your response, I really do appreciate it.

Dee74

Spybee,
if it helps I drank for 20 years and quit at 40. Nearly 53 now.

I don't believe its too late for you

D

Hevyn

I'm glad you're ready to reclaim your life, Spybee. I drank 30 yrs. & am waaay older than you - so yes, you likely will regain health & longevity. It's very good news that your tests were all ok. You can do it!

tornrealization

You will always find someone who has drank harder and longer than you and from a health perspective is OK. You will also find and learn about people who drank less and shorter than you and it’s done severe health damage including death. So it’s really not the best way to evaluate your own situation. The A.V. will conveniently pick out the “success” drinking people to keep you drinking.

I used to do that. What it has to come down to is what YOU feel about it. I felt it was hurting me internally and it would catch up. People concentrate a lot on the liver, but the drinks also ramp up heart problems, risks of cancers and other organ damage you can’t feel. I find it’s also a drain on your mental happiness. I just got sober when I turned 40. I didn’t have bad liver or heart scans. My blood pressure was high but controlled. Absolutely you can turn it around. The really deep feeling organ pains is gone. The anxiety that goes with it is gone.

Also those are long term damages and illnesses. What about short term health issues? I was hungover or passed out a lot so...how would I ever know If something else was wrong? Like an appendix burst and I’m zonked out? Last year while sober I ended up with a bacterial infection. My symptoms was fatigue and slight but annoying cough. Just a dr visit turned to IV drip for 4 days in the hospital. My drinking self would never had known....that could’ve ended up very very bad.

fini

well, how fantastic that all your tests are coming back okay!
grab the chance while you still have it to get off this track without major reoercussions!

Spybee007

Thanks! Really needed some positive feedback and from those who have done it and been down the road further than I have.

MaximusD

Now it is time for you to get started on day one. Get rid of that alcohol. Each one less you drink will make your hangover that much better.

Spybee007

Glad to hear you recovered, that sounds like it would of been scary for sure! Congrats on your sobriety, that’s great and I’m glad your anxiety has gone down. That’s huge. The anxiety is one of the worst things about alcohol because we drink to ease anxiety yet drinking creates even more of it. Everyone’s bodies are different, Some drink longer than others and have worse or better health. It’s not a good thing to use someone’s timeline of alcoholism to prolong your own alcohol abuse. The short term stuff would be heartburn for me, it can cause damage long term if not kept in check. I’d also say a little extra weight and of course the physiological effects like anxiety/depression and lack of motivation. Drinking really sucks, it ruins a lot of things! I’m ready to be free from it and wake up each morning thankful that I didn’t drink the night before, that sounds really nice.

Surrendered19

How are you this morning Spybee? Is today Day 1? You are young and by age 41 this can all be behind you for good. Healthy in every way. But the only way to do that is to never drink again. You and I can't drink. I quit at age 54 and 7 months later I am as healthy as I have been in my adult life. I will warn you though, that between age 40 and 54, you can do some permanent damage to some of your systems. Trust me on this. Quit and don't test the theory. I'm glad you are here Spybee. Tell us where you are at with your daily drinking.

listae

This could have been my post when I was thirty and forty. Now, I'm pushing fifty. Addiction is a terrible disease. And I'm a raging alcoholic. Just lost a job/career that I love: lost the respect of my colleagues.

MLD51

I wish I had quit when I had "only" been binge drinking for 20 years. Instead, I went another 10. I quit at 51. If I had quit at 41 instead, a lot of bad things that happened as a result of my drinking would not have happened at all. I don't have any long-term health issues (that I know of yet), but that surprised the heck out of me. Toward the end of the drinking I was SURE I had done lasting damage, and it's still possible I did. Drinking ANY amount puts you at higher risk of many types of cancer, and there can be heart damage that's hard to directly link to alcohol, too. As a result of my drinking I had 3 DUI's in 13 years, I went through enough money that I could have retired by now at 57, and I could argue it wrecked my second marriage. I scared my kids and made them feel unsafe. I embarrassed myself countless times in my small town, and I probably still have a damaged reputation, and always will. I had several injuries, including a fractured skull that thankfully did not result in anything worse than a permanent loss of my sense of smell. Bruises, sprains, bumps - from falling down. The list goes on and on. MOST of that occurred in those last 10 years of drinking. You have a chance to avoid a lot of pain if you quit now. It's a downward slope - don't go there. It's really hard to climb back up.

BackandScared

This nails it (although I think you got many good messages).
There are so many other ways you are damaging your life, damaging your body while trying to escape from it all.
I quit at 46. I drank hard 10 years, perhaps a bit more. I am heading to my first anniversary sober and the healing is just about to get really noticeable. My liver bloods were fine, but I lived with constant palpitations, anxiety, constant fear.. The little time I was not totally hangover, getting more drink or drinking, it was wasted in pure panic..
My fitbit says that my resting beat per minute has gone from 84 to 59 in a year. No wonder I felt anxious: my heart was working at full speed.
You will always find a reason to drink. Do you want to be like today in 2 years time? Because it is going to get worse. Much worse. Every day is more difficult. Starting a diet in three weeks instead of today, means you will also have to lose the weight you put on during the next three weeks. Every day you drink you are giving strength to your addiction. Every time I hear someone about the 'need to hit rockbottom' before quitting, I despair.
How I wish I had stopped this non-sense the moment I realised I could not control it at all. It would have been much easier then and I would have not wasted so much life doing nothing but destroying myself.

lessgravity

After a lifetime of brutal drinking, I did not quit until I crossed the 40yo timeline and my life has never been better, in each and every single way imaginable. Wondering what might happen in the future kept me drinking for years. Taking action and putting the poison down for good changed my life. Many here to attest to the same.

PuckLuck

Well, I did for 15 years... I would kind of like to know the grand total of bottles I have consumed during that timeframe, but a part of me doesn't. I am completely shocked I am alive right now when I really think about it. I've only started having some health issues in the last 2 years. Like other here have said, the human body is amazing and the ability it has to repair its self is really mind blowing.

You BEST QUIT while you're ahead. Me too.

dizzybee

I can't tell you how much I needed this thread today. Thanks to each of you for posting. I am 43 and on day 2 of my ...however many times now of trying to quit in the last handful of years. But I only became serious in the last year. And today I am resenting having to quit. Unlike some other times I felt it core in my bones that I HAD to and NEEDED to quit. This thread is a painful reminder of all that's at stake if I give in to my resentments.