Flowing

Not the problem....

This is absolutely true for me and it is what makes it so hard to stick to long term sobriety, I've had 4.5 months before and I start drinking again because I am just about as unhappy at that stage as I am right now in active alcoholism.
I have a successful business, plenty of money, a supportive partner. Alcohol makes everything worse, I am a worse businessman, a worse partner and it's probably going to slowly kill me but the novelty of sobriety wears off pretty quick, I do not get any withdrawal symptoms whatsoever, if I stopped drinking today, I'd feel amazing tomorrow and for a few weeks, but sustained sobriety just makes me feel like a complete outcast, like I'm not living my true life, like I'm just avoiding the real problems, deep emotional problems. I know alcohol is of course the ultimate avoidance but at least I enjoy it, it gives me something to look forward to each day, sobriety just feels far to raw and exposed long term. I'm drinking around 100 units a week st the moment which I don't actually think it that much to be honest

No real questions here but I feel like I needed never it out.

Kaily

Doesn't sound like much of a solution to me.

Dee74

Well thats a title to get a lot of responses, lol.

but...I felt that way for a long time too - even down to the apathy about it probably killing me...until it nearly did.
The most insidious thing about addiction is it makes you willingly believe (against reason) the poison is the solution.

It really is like the frog in the saucepan with the water slowly heating up so we don't notice.
I don't really think you're fully buying into that tho Flowing or you wouldn't be here posting.

what I thought was sobriety for a long time was really just a break from drinking.
I changed nothing else and tried to live a drinkers life sober. No wonder I went back to drinking so often

There is a better life to lead - a truly authentic life where we're not the slave to addiction, where we can look ourselves in the eyes in the mirror and love those closest to us honestly, openly, and fully 24/7

My life changed a lot sober - but for the better.
I built a sober life I love and reconnected with the real me - the me before addiction took hold, not the corrupted drunken shell I became.

Technicolour versus black and white, man honestly.

I hope you decide to try it one day soon Flowing

D.

PeacefulWater12

Alcohol started off as my solution, it then became my problem. I had to quit. I did, it was difficult. I felt raw and in pain with the world, however as I worked my recovery program, the world and my feelings became far less raw. I feel comfortable now and enjoy life.

My husband still views it as his solution. He is dying from it. He has become disabled and very frail.

sugarbear1

When the solution stopped working, I needed a new solution. I found that in the steps of AA. Happy, joyous and free, that's me today!

AAPJ

Flowing - Thanks for your honesty. You showed up at a recovery site and posted something that is clearly different than the normal "I have to stop drinking now" business. OTOH you note that "Alcohol makes everything worse..." so something is bothering you regarding your relationship with alcohol. Now I do not know you and will probably never meet you but I can almost guarantee you that the worse part gets even worse as time passes. Thus, assuming that you choose to continue to drink, I have a request. Please come back periodically and give us an update every so often. Thanks.

Steely

When you say "100 units per week" do you mean 100 standard drinks per week? That's 14+ standard drinks a day. That's a LOT of alcohol. You will be very lucky to avoid liver damage, brain, and other health problems if you continue at this rate. See Wernike's Encephalopathy. Korsakoff Syndrome. Not pretty.

There are real benefits to be found in sobriety. I hope you get to experience them.

Al34

Sounds like your just repeating what your AV is saying....

Awake61

what AAJP shared.

Reid82

The only solution alcohol is good for is cleaning work benches, etc!

Steely

Used as antiseptic to amputate own leg when stuck a top craggy mountain peak no help around.

And I'd be strong. Would not drink any remaining at end of surgery. I'd crawl down sober. 😂

tomls

4.5 months is not long enough to evaluate sobriety.

C0ntr0ls

"I have a successful business, plenty of money, a supportive partner."

If the above works for you, who can argue or disagree and if that stays true I would say you are a rare exception.

I had the equivalent [kind of] to what you mentioned, until I didn't.

sortofhomecomin

100 units a week is actually a hell of a lot though tolerances vary dramatically and what one person can cope with would make another a fall-down non-functional drunk.

Surrendered19

Hi Flowing. Interesting post. There are a few issues that I think you will be open to considering or you would not have posted here.

First, damage to your organs is shockingly silent. By the time you notice significant symptoms, the damage is perhaps done. Talk to a doc about this. Don't listen to us or Dr. Google. With kidneys in particular, often the time between a person noticing something is wrong and being on dialysis the rest of their shortened lives is only a week or two. The fact that you can drink 15 drinks a day and feel absolutely wonderful in the morning (I have my doubts about that) does not mean that permanent damage is not happening.

Second, I'd bet a fair amount that if I could talk to the people in your life, they'd tell me things are FAR from hunky dory and that alcohol is making you, and them, miserable. I doubt they view you as the happy drunk successfully and joyfully making his way through life on his own terms. I'll also bet more than one would tell me about damaged relationships, sadness, instability, grief and worry.

Third, when you are sober and feel so isolated and alone, that is what you need to get figured out. Are you open to talking to a therapist? There is something going on there that, in many cases, can be figured out and fixed. But you have to be open to that.

I am worried about you Flowing. I think one possibility is that things are starting to fall apart a bit and you are getting concerned. If so, stay on here and keep posting. When it is time to quit for good, this is a great place to get some support.

Gabe1980

I was the same....drinking was the solution for everything and it seemed impossible to let go of. Then it became this monster that ruined everything and was the thing that kept me in this agitated and painful state for years.

It may feel like it's the solution now but down the road there are only black clouds.

PalmerSage

Exactly what Dee said. The weeks of taking a break from drinking are not what "sobriety" is actually like - it buys you some time to clear your head and figure out what you're really going to do.

Fallow

OMG I died laughing. If I have to amputate my own leg, I'm crawling down drunk. Just sayin 🤣

OP you sound very similar to me. Succesful businessman, lots of money, all that good stuff. That has nothing to do with the drinking though.

I can quit with no issues. I feel great. But life has no excitement without booze. Nothing to look forward to. Boredom continues to grow. So I go back to drinking. That which is killing me.

My real problem is staying stopped! For good.
That is why I am here. To learn how to stay stopped.

Stick around.

CupofJoe

You sound a lot like me in a lot ofways. I didn't think 100 units or more of alcohol was that much at the time. (Now the thought of a single drink is awful. I'm horrified at how much I used to drink.) I also thought of alcohol as the solution, even as it was destroying my life. It used to drive me crazy when people would talk about how much better they felt when they were sober. I felt worse.

It took me a long time before I accepted that I was the problem. How I dealt with the world and how I dealt with my emotions. I did the steps through AA and also did a lot of therapy. I had to change inward. Taking away alcohol without changing from within left me miserable.

I wanted to give you hope. Please try taking on a program of action that will help you learn how to navigate life sober. Facing yourself and life will give you a greater benefit in the long term. I absolutely love life now and look back at the shattered wreck of a person I was--drinking myself to death--and shudder.

Alcohol might seem like the solution, but if so, it's the solution to what? It's the solution if you want a miserable life. If you want a happier life, I'd respectfully suggest a different solution.

Thank you for your honesty. That's a good sign that you're ready for change.

Hawkeye13

This was true for me. You don’t fall into a sober meaningful life after choosing escapism most or all of your adult life. You have to build new skills and learn to “do” sober and then it is fantastic. But I remember the fear and loneliness of early sobriety and the “is that all there is?” feeling. You outgrow it if you keep doing the work.

I really appreciate your honesty, and like you I was a high bottom drinker most of my life. Unfortunately, it won’t last, especially at that rate of consumption. You posting here and quitting for short periods suggests some part of you knows that already.