PuckLuck

On another one... so depressed

BeABetterMan

What's interesting is from the outside looking in and reading your posts during and after your benders I always ask myself, "WHY?". Why do it again when you know where it leads? Then a day or a week or a month later I'm doing the exact same thing. It is pure insanity and a vicious cycle. No one is coming to rescue us Puck. We have to save ourselves. We have to ask for help, we have to change something. This way of life is so effing miserable.

Dee74

PL

I promise you the way out of this is not through more drinking. It’s through embracing the new normal of not drinking.

I have a long history of trauma that bubbled up with any sober time I had. Eventually I realised my tool for that job - a bottle of booze- was hopefully inadequate for the task. I needed new tools and new approaches to get better and stay that way.

I’m sorry you’re depressed and I’m sorry it seems the past is weighing heavy on you but drinking does nothing to help you deal with any of that PL. It solves nothing and may even make you more depressed in the long run.

You haven’t been here long but I know you have good friends here. Talk to them. Get it out. Put down the bottle and get back to where I know you want to be.

Anna

Dee is right. Early recovery was very traumatic for me in dealing with so many issues that I had not paid attention to over the years. But, I found that my mind seemed to know how much I could cope with at a given time and so things came to me in waves, somewhat spaced out. I never would have believed I could get through it, but I did. And, you can too.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much, Puck.

Surrendered19

It is tough PL. No gettin' around it. I'll tell you one thing we all know here, and you know it too - you only have so many voluntary and knowing quits in you. Only so many "PL's Day 1's". Then things will start to happen. You will start to lose the option of quitting on your own life's terms. You'll permanently injure yourself or others. You'll lose your mind. You'll lose your body. Others will have to care for you. Indignity after indignity.

Let's not go down that road. I was down it a fair ways and it is grim, low, desperate and scary.

The way I live now is so simple. Not perfect, but quiet and calm and I have daily peace even through life's craziness.

Walk away from that fight PL.

least

I hope you can find the strength you need to stop drinking for good before something awful happens that you can't 'start over'.

PuckLuck

Thank you friends. Trying to hang in there.

Fallow

Sorry to hear you picked up but I know the feeling. I have been enjoying your posts so please stick around.

Hevyn

PuckLuck - When I came to SR almost 13 yrs. ago I knew I was in trouble, but not quite ready to let go. It took me a few months of reading & posting to convince myself I was ready to live without alcohol. There was nothing in it for me anymore - no joy, fun, relaxation, escape - all the things we tell ourselves it gives us. It seems to me you're preparing to let go of it. I have over 12 yrs. of sobriety now - but I had to be ready - and I finally was. I think you are too. Please allow yourself to get free.

D122y

I had to wallow in the pain of my physical detox. That took about 1 month.

The good new here was that I felt better with each moment.

Then the mental shown through. I googled what I felt and...insanity was the answer.

The mental anguish etc. Lasts for a long long long time. I still feel it a bit daily.

I am still learning how to live.

That is the trick, staying sober and being happy.

That is where a routine comes in.

AA helps for all of this.

Knowing the underlying reasons for addiction mixed with AA/Counseling/SR etc can be the answer.

I am definitely not out of the woods.

Saved by grace. Humbled daily.

thanks.

Zevin

Hang on, Puck. You can do this.

Zevin

BeABetterMan——I’m sending support to you too. I really liked your reply to Puck. “WHY?”

BeABetterMan

Thanks Z, life is really really hard at this moment, but I’m sober.

CRRHCC

Most people never think about why they behave the way they do. Step back, take a deep breath and ask yourself, what emotion do I "feel," right before I have that urge and decide to take that drink, do a drug or engage in any compulsive behavior? I'm not asking what you are thinking, I'm asking what are you feeling? All addictions, all compulsive behaviors, always serve an emotional purpose! What is that purpose?
If you are like most people, you drink to excess when confronted with overwhelming feelings of helplessness, feeling trapped powerless and out of control. We drink to excess to reverse these intolerable feelings. Once this is understood, we can work on other high value behaviors that empower us to regain control in more healthy ways. It starts by being curious. Discovering who you are is the best high. Discover your values and purpose in life. You won't likely be depressed if you have values and purpose.

Anna

I hope you have a good day, Puck.

Gabe1980

Keep going PL. It really is worth it and we are all here for you xxx

StartingOverNW

Hang in there PL!!!

PuckLuck

I'm still alive which I think is divine intervention or something. Never knew how many followed my posts here

Surrendered19

Yep. We want you around and we want you healthy.

Lixie

Here's another one following your posts. I hope you can find it in your heart to put yourself first. You deserve only the very best. <3