Tweety1961

my son is 34 years old, and i am at my wits end. i have brought him home 3 times to sober up. first time he left in a week, 2nd time 2 weeks and this last time was over 3 weeks and i thought he had it beat. he got bored because we live in a rural area and he claims he is a city boy. he left and he has started using again and i havent a clue on what to do to help him? i have many health issues that could take my life and i am so worried about him and i am neglecting me. i need people that have been thru this to talk to. im scared the next time will be cops notifiing me that hes dead.

AAPJ

Well sorry to see you here. As one of the folks on the other side of the coin so to speak my sympathies. I put my parents through a lot of misery over the years. Really only so much you can do. He needs to want sobriety himself. Nobody can give it to him. Some of my partying friends did not make it past 40. But there is hope. More of us made it than didn't.

PuckLuck

Sorry to hear this...

The truth is there's nothing you can do until he's ready to quit using.

The best thing you can do is let him hit rock bottom IMO. It's not always the same for everyone, but I'm a knucklehead to the max and had to lose everything in order to wake the (bleep) up.

Tweety1961

I understand he needs to want to get sober but how do I deal with the fact my son may die? He is the only one of my kids that have strayed?

PuckLuck

I understand what you're saying and it's extremely sad and scary I'm sure. You can't make someone get sober though... No matter how much you love that person or how hard you try.

Has he ever been to an inpatient rehab?

Dee74

Hi and welcome Tweety

I'm sorry for what brings you here but you'll find a lot of support here, and also in our Family and Friends forum
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

I'm not a parent but I do know it's really really important to take care of yourself. You getting sick would not be helping your son,

I'm not sure what your beliefs are, but I turn to prayer whenever I have a situation which beyond my control.

You'll find you're not alone here

D

Obladi

Hi Tweety,

I'm sorry for what brings you here, but I'm glad you've found us. You may want to scroll further down in the forums to find "Friends and Family" who will be able to relate to what you're going through and offer their experience.

As the alcoholic parent of an alcoholic 28-year old, I can relate to this from both sides, unfortunately. There is no way you can or ever will reconcile yourself to the fact that he may die. At least I can't do that in regard to my daughter. But I also can't fix her. I've taken her in for treatment a number of times, sheltered her at my home as well, but she was never quite ready until recently. I did nothing to influence that decision as far as I can tell. She had to decide it was something she needed to address. Please God that she stay sober, but I can't help her to have that will; it's all on her. Frustrating? Devastating? Scary? You bet.

Whatever is happening with your son is his to handle. There's really no way we (or you) can know why he's your only addicted child, just as there's no way I can know why I have two other non-addicted kids. It's not fair. But then my mother was clear when she told me life was never intended to be fair.

I wish you the best and hope you find the support you need here.

O

p.s. The one thing I can think of that just may have influenced my daughter to work on getting better was to focus on my own recovery. If your actions will sway your son in any way, taking care of yourself is probably part of that picture.

awuh1

How about you require that your son do something to address his battle with drugs and or alcohol? Tell him you are concerned with his use of your place to get himself sober for two reasons......1; you must take care of your health problems as a first priority and 2; that he has used your place 3 times already without a long lasting solution to the problem. Tell him you want to support him in any way you can but that he needs to show you that he is addressing the problem on his own in some way such as drug treatment, AA or NA.

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation, but as others have said, getting clean & sober is something he must want to do for himself. We do understand how difficult this is.

I hope that you are able to step back a bit and take care of yourself. You could look into AlAnon in your town as a support for yourself.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope you will get some support for yourself, whether it's the friends and family forums here or a local face to face support group like AlAnon or NarAnon.

I hope he can find the will to save himself. But you've got to take care of yourself first and foremost.

Iwanttacos

I was driving my parents nuts and then they went to Al-anon. Things changed after that in a lot of ways and they seem to have a lot more peace and we have a better family dynamic after they set some boundaries with me which I didn't like at first.

Vinificent

I am so sorry Tweety...the most difficult thing to do as a parent is let our children learn from their mistakes, especially when we know there could be deadly consequences. There are a few things I have learned in my own recovery journey that help when the worry becomes overwhelming:

• Worrying about what may happen won’t change the outcome; it only takes up space in your own mind.
• A parent is only as happy as their most unhappy child. Try and try as we may, we cannot control what makes our children happy.

And as confident as all this may come across, I am still right here with you, at 3 AM, concerned for my adult children. So I will hope for yours, you will hope for mine, and together we can hope for the best.

Tweety1961

Thanks everyone, you have told me what Ive already known, guess I just needed to hear it. I'm glad I found you and please be patient with me because I'm struggling with this. I'm so grateful go have someone to talk to and support.

Mamatembo

Hugs! I can't imagine the emotional toll this would take on a parent.

You need to take care of yourself. That is all you can control now. It's like the oxygen mask on the plane. You have to put yours on first so you can be there and able to help when he is ready for his.