Flowing

Hi.

I am currently trying to get through day 1.
I have social anxiety disorder and I find that giving up alcohol is extremely difficult as it's the only thing that loosens me up and makes me more sociable. I become a complete social recluse when I'm sober and I think this greatly increases the effects of PAWS which I suffer with badly.

I once got to 4 months sober but I was completely miserable and couldn't see a future sober.

Has anyone achieved long term sobriety whilst living with social anxiety disorder? If so how has sobriety impacted other areas of your life like socializing etc

Thank you

biminiblue

I think a lot of us worry about what other people think about us.

I found out sobriety is far better and I worry far less about other people. If I'm not judging them in my head, I don't feel like they are judging me.

Have you thought about getting a little counseling around this issue? It's really a thinking problem. AA meetings are good for this, too. I found out everyone has a bit of social anxiety, and alcoholics are just making it worse by adding a substance that increases paranoia.

Anna

I have social anxiety, too, and it's not easy, but you can manage it.

I don't socialize in large groups as much as I used to. I'm fine with family and small groups of friends. I have accepted that I don't feel comfortable in groups of people I don't know well or in large groups of people. And, that's okay. So my social life has changed to what I'm comfortable with. The most important thing I learned in early recovery was to say 'No' and not feel guilty about it. If you want to socialize in large groups, maybe you can find ways that will make that okay for you. Maybe you could have a couple of friends with you and stick close with them? What would work for you?

badgerden

I am dealing with this more and more it seems like. As soon as I heard we were having company or we were going out I would head for my stash and self medicate. You can make it through day one, than 2 than 3,,. Do not put pressure on yourself at all at this point, be selfish you need to be to get well. stay home, dump all the booze,focus on yourself. Find some projects to do, Post here as frequently and as often as you need. We have all been were you are right now, no judging here.

Badge

doggonecarl

I read in a previous post of yours that you had drank 100 units in four days and in secret. Doesn't sound very social to me. Maybe your addiction is telling you social anxiety is the reason you drink, but it seems once you start, it's drinking for drinking sake.

Gabe1980

I don't have long term sobriety yet but I definitely have social anxiety and have for a long time. It's that chronic hyper-awareness of my environment and what others might think of me. I think that's really common among us addicts. I have been working on it for several years and it has got better. I think addressing that has made it easier to manage not drinking. Maybe counselling would help? It certainly helped me xxx

Andante

I drank initially to self-medicate social anxiety too. But like a lot of other alcoholics, I found that as my addiction worsened over the long term, alcohol paradoxically made my social isolation and anxiety worse instead of better.

Stopping drinking is the first step. Learning how to manage the social anxiety and live a happy and fulfilling life without alcohol comes afterward.

PuckLuck

Hi Flowing,

Ah social anxiety. My old nemesis. When I was in high school and college I had it so bad that whenever anyone talked to me outside of my very small circle of friends my face would come on fire and turn tomato red. I had it BAD.

No idea how old you are Flowing, but I'm 35 and now it's a nonissue. In my case, it just went away over time. One of the greatest things about getting older is the more you age the more you really just don't give a damn what other people think about you. It's a beautiful thing

I definitely used alcohol and other substances as a social lubricant in my early to mid 20s. I think we all have to some degree. I have ALWAYS preferred to drink alone though, so I guess I'm kind of the oddball.

I'm very introverted by nature. That's just my personally. I was always the kid in the back of the bus, the back of the classroom, the back of an AA meeting. Some people enjoy being a social butterfly and the center of attention (like my ex lol) and I couldn't careless about all that. I'll take a small, close group of friends anyday over being friends with everyone.

Today I am very comfortable with being an introvert and socially clueless at times.

So I guess the whole point of this is that hopefully you can learn to embrace who you are and be OK with that when you are sober.

MLD51

Gabe1980 said:
It's that chronic hyper-awareness of my environment and what others might think of me.

That's great wording for how I used to feel. I was constantly wondering what others were thinking of me, thinking about how I looked, what all of my mannerisms looked like, did I have a hair out of place, do I sound stupid. Looking at other people and sure they were judging me and wondering what I could do to improve their opinion of me. Trying to make myself look better to them. I'd walk down the street and look at my reflection in store windows and criticize how I walked and what I was wearing. I wasn't so afraid of social interaction that I would call it a disorder, but definitely it was not healthy. I was WAY too concerned about what others thought of me. I guess that's a form of social anxiety.

I drank in part to feel better in social situations. To take the edge off that anxiety. I really probably would have felt better being alone a lot of the time, but society taught me that I needed a lot of friends and to go out a lot and have fun when I was in my teens and 20's. My parents chided me for being "shy" when I was a kid. Forced me to try to be more outgoing. It worked, to some extent, I did try to be more outgoing and less "shy," but when I discovered that alcohol made that a lot easier, I was off to the races.

Quitting drinking has forced me to re-evaluate what really makes me happy and makes me feel comfortable. I don't do well in bigger groups of people. I don't like parties. I can handle small groups of people I know pretty well. The social anxiety is better because I have learned that other people really DON'T spend a lot of time thinking about and judging other people (and if they do, that's really their issue, not mine). I've also learned that not everyone will like me, and that's OK. Accepting that it's ok for me to just be myself and see who sticks around has really been an amazing thing. I recommend it.

Wastinglife

I suffered social anxiety as a child. I didn't speak in class and was quite withdrawn in large groups. However, everything changed the moment I got drunk for the first time. Alcohol was this magic potion that allowed me to come out of my shell. From the age of 16 on, I no longer feared socializing in groups as long as I had my crutch: beer.

Beer worked wonders for me and I outgrew my social anxiety because I could see I had irrational fears. Unfortunately, I began to use booze as a crutch for everything and I developed alcoholism. I have remnants of social anxiety in some areas but for the most part, I got over it. Age and experience means I don't worry about the things I used to.

Dee74

I've had social anxiety all my life, before I started drinking.
Use alcohol as medicine made me more anxious because I became addicted to the medicine and anxious when I wasn;t drinking.

Also - although I drank to loosen up, it just made me into an idiot. Dealing with the consequences of that idiocy caused more and more anxiety. I ended up drinking at home to avoid embarrassment....

When I got sober I had to accept I simply wasn't very social. I had a good but small core of good friends and outside that larger groups and people I don't know can make me nervous.

That being said I'm the best I've ever been anxiety wise these days and I attribute that in large part to not drinking and accepting who I am.

It took me a few years of hard work to get to that point tho.Life long problems take some time to unravel.

Don't give up too soon

D

AwkwardKitty

Hi Flowing
I am a long term sufferer of anxiety and like many people my drinking started to cope with social anxiety.
I've had many attempts over the years, but am currently at 23 weeks / 161 days sober!
Its been difficult, I wont lie, but I am finding new ways to cope. Especially in this period of exacerbated anxiety with covid, it's been doubly hard to remain sober.
Living with severe anxiety is truly horrible, but I assure you that alcohol makes it a million times worse.
good luck!

D122y

Nobody really knows how we feel except us. I will not give advice. I will tell my story.

After 5 years, what some consider long and others short, I still suffer from my drinking.

I took a vit B12 this am before work. On the drive I was edgy. I knew it was the B12.

It used to be the booze that made me edgy. The booze made me crazy.

I am positive that if I relapsed I would go mad. I couldn't take the stress, especially if it increases exponentially as I believe it does.

What initially took a week to heal, then took a month, then 3 months, then 6, then 2 years as so on. Soon, I will just be dead.

No thanks.

Thanks.

FreeOwl

I didn't even realize I had social anxiety until I got sober.

Then it got pretty bad for a time.....

Nowadays, it's very manageable. I have learned that maybe part of it is that I've been an introvert convincing myself I'm an extrovert for a very long time. Turns out, just because we can ACT comfortable in crowds and with people in general, doesn't mean we ARE.

Sobriety is a far better way to cope with social anxiety though.... you can do it.

Noam19

I have always been introverted and shy around people I just met. In my job I knew that it was going to hold me back. Over the years I had some bouts with depression. In my college years the drinking definitely helped open me up, but as evidence by my presence here, it's not a suitable solution. I've been on a small dose depression and anxiety med for about 6-7 years now. I also have focused more on public speaking for my job and give a fair amount of presentations. Over time I've actually developed it as a skill and strength of mine...it's helped massively with anxiety to now have the confidence to get up and nail a presentation. Now don't get me wrong, on those days where I'm forced out of my comfort zone I'm often exhausted at the end of the day. Takes a lot out of you mentally and physically to do that.

I guess my advice is to find ways to push yourself out of your comfort zone a little at a time. That's how humans adapt, grow, and conquer.

Plure

I have some level of social anxiety, but more generalized anxiety (where I'm edgy all the time for non-specific reasons). Like so many alcohol helped...until it didn't.

What did seem to break the cycle was getting on medication to treat the underlying anxiety. It didn't cure it but took the edge off substantially which allowed me to break that anxiety / drinking cycle. However, even after that (in 2014) I had to maintain vigilance as drinking is something I will gravitate back to if not careful...not as much but still not good.

And yes getting out of your comfort zone here and there will help. I love that old saying, "Do something every day that scares you." Maybe not every day, but sometimes it really moves your psyche forward!

Mary88

Yes, I'm dealing with social anxiety since childhood. It's one of the reasons I started drinking. I now realise alcohol made things worse.
I'm almost 6 months sober now. I think social anxiety is something I might just have to live with it. The solution for me seems to be just to accept myself as I am. I'm an introvert and I'm learning not to put pressure on myself to socialise. I'm also working on not caring too much about what others think of me. Meditation seems to make me calmer too.

Vino88

Hi!

After I experienced my first panic attack (in the middle of the crowded train, 7 years ago), my life was never the same again. I went from full blown agoraphobia and disastrous benzo addiction to a pill-free life and I learned a lot about myself. I still avoid some social situations but things are surely getting better. I know there is nothing for me to be scared of. A feeling which my body produces is just a feeling. An emotion. I try to take it as logically as I can and I think that my brain are "buying" into it. I thought that I will be locked in my room till the end of my days, now I am pretty sure the remaining discomfort will go away with more time.

Be strong and never give up. There is no logical explanation why someone would be scared in a group of people.