Help / support needed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 5
Help / support needed
Hi,
I’m really looking for some support.
By way of background, I had been sober in AA for 9 nears until 8th May when I had two nights of blackout drinking. It was awful, straight back to the kind of drinking I did in my last days, but I’m so grateful it was short.
it’s made me realise how shut down I’d been in the last year. I came out of an emotionally abusive relationship, had to move back in with my dysfunctional family, lockdown happened and I was trying to finish requalifying as a solicitor. I didn’t talk about any of it, I didn’t really feel anything and suddenly it all came tumbling down.
the last 3 weeks I’ve felt better than I have in years. I’ve found my connection with my recovery women and aa and I no longer feel suicidally lonely. And I’ve found my faith and prayer again.
one thing I am massively struggling with is handing over this: I have got to the very end of my legal training and the very final stage is a questionnaire about your character. There is one section on finances. And I am truly terrified that I’m not going to pass the background Financial checks. For the last couple of weeks I’ve really worked at handing it over and praying. But the last two days I have gone completely mental. Completely. Obsessively googling trying to work out what checks they do, how in depth they are, reading endless forums. I’m completely obsessed by it and I just can’t snap out of it. I am sharing with my sponsor and friends but I’m so so fearful and I just can’t move out of it. I think it’s because I know that I arguably haven’t been 100% truthful, I should possibly have declared something minor on my credit record (which wasn’t specifically asked for) but I didn’t... and now I wish I’d had, just so I didn’t feel like this.
Any advice, prayers, help would be really appreciated.
katy x
I’m really looking for some support.
By way of background, I had been sober in AA for 9 nears until 8th May when I had two nights of blackout drinking. It was awful, straight back to the kind of drinking I did in my last days, but I’m so grateful it was short.
it’s made me realise how shut down I’d been in the last year. I came out of an emotionally abusive relationship, had to move back in with my dysfunctional family, lockdown happened and I was trying to finish requalifying as a solicitor. I didn’t talk about any of it, I didn’t really feel anything and suddenly it all came tumbling down.
the last 3 weeks I’ve felt better than I have in years. I’ve found my connection with my recovery women and aa and I no longer feel suicidally lonely. And I’ve found my faith and prayer again.
one thing I am massively struggling with is handing over this: I have got to the very end of my legal training and the very final stage is a questionnaire about your character. There is one section on finances. And I am truly terrified that I’m not going to pass the background Financial checks. For the last couple of weeks I’ve really worked at handing it over and praying. But the last two days I have gone completely mental. Completely. Obsessively googling trying to work out what checks they do, how in depth they are, reading endless forums. I’m completely obsessed by it and I just can’t snap out of it. I am sharing with my sponsor and friends but I’m so so fearful and I just can’t move out of it. I think it’s because I know that I arguably haven’t been 100% truthful, I should possibly have declared something minor on my credit record (which wasn’t specifically asked for) but I didn’t... and now I wish I’d had, just so I didn’t feel like this.
Any advice, prayers, help would be really appreciated.
katy x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
If there is something you can do about it now, such as call them and ask them if this bad mark on your credit report may be a problem, or whatever, then do it as soon as you can. If there's nothing you can do about it, then turn it over to God or the universe or whatever your higher power is and mentally move on. Let it go. I use to have a box called a "God Box". I wrote things that were bothering me that I couldn't do anything about at the moment on a slip of paper and put it in the box. Any time I would think of it, I would say, "No, that's in my God Box".
Sending you a great big hug!
Sending you a great big hug!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Sober369 
If there is something you can do about it now, such as call them and ask them if this bad mark on your credit report may be a problem, or whatever, then do it as soon as you can. If there's nothing you can do about it, then turn it over to God or the universe or whatever your higher power is and mentally move on. Let it go. I use to have a box called a "God Box". I wrote things that were bothering me that I couldn't do anything about at the moment on a slip of paper and put it in the box. Any time I would think of it, I would say, "No, that's in my God Box".
Sending you a great big hug!
Sending you a great big hug!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I'm glad you found us, and I'm glad that you got beyond your short relapse. Good job on getting things back on track.
I can relate to obsessive thinking and how frustrating it is. A God Box is a great idea, and maybe try listening to some good music, get outside and exercise or do something for someone else. Getting outside of your head, even briefly, will help you. And, I hope things go well.
I can relate to obsessive thinking and how frustrating it is. A God Box is a great idea, and maybe try listening to some good music, get outside and exercise or do something for someone else. Getting outside of your head, even briefly, will help you. And, I hope things go well.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Katy - It's great to have you with us. Congrats on regaining your sobriety.
I've worried myself to death over similar situations & almost always it was a waste of time & energy. Things will go the way they are meant to. You will be fine.
Let us know.
I've worried myself to death over similar situations & almost always it was a waste of time & energy. Things will go the way they are meant to. You will be fine.
Let us know.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
Welcome! The only thing that really matters is that you are sober. Everything else will work out one way or another. I remember stopping drinking for a couple of weeks and then drinking the amount that I had been before. Black out big time! Best wishes for you on your journey!
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