Auchieshuggle

Hi all,

I'm posting this mostly for those who are experiencing hellish alcohol withdrawal. Back in November I experienced a mental health crisis which was at the very least exacerbated by alcohol, if it was not the result of my drinking. I had horrible physical effects from the withdrawal, including heart palpitations, and I was in a state of such anxiety I couldn't even leave my flat. I believe this was the effect of kindling.

Today is my 207th day sober, and I feel so much better for it - I am happy, serene and planning for the future. I have more energy, and in addition to working out, I'm decorating my flat and working in my garden. Lockdown has prevented me from physically returning to work, but I returned to my job in February.

I'm occasionally having nightmares about drinking, but I see that as my subconscious mind's awareness that alcohol is a poison. I never want to touch a drop again, and I'll need to be vigilant to ensure it doesn't happen.

I'm not writing this because I want congratulating, in all honesty I rarely visit this forum anymore which made me feel a little guilty this morning, actually. People were here to support me when I needed it, and I would like to do the same, so I will endeavour to visit weekly, at least.

Glasgow has good support services, though ultimately nobody can stop you drinking but you. I was in a desperate situation whereby I was anxious even when I was drinking; I needed to be inebriated to stop the anxiety. I really had no alternative but to stop, well none that bears thinking about. However I needn't have waited until that point. I had previous periods of sobriety, one in fact which lasted longer than this one - which makes me aware of how I must remain cautious - and had I stuck with those I could have avoided the sheer hell that was my last period of withdrawal. Don't let it get to that.

God bless you all.

harriet11

Hello Auchie, thanks for the post. I feel guilty sometimes too. There are a lot of lovely people on here and a lot of them replied to my early posts. They helped me sooooo much and are a big part of why I'm here today. I don't feel I can give that back really. Most of the time I don't know what to say to newcomers. It's like I came to the end of a road I was on. I don't know how I can explain that to others as their road will be different and they just might not have come to their end.
I can't say I regret that I did it late either. It feels like something I had to work out and go through on my way to growing up. It would be like a waterfall or river regretting choosing the way it's gone. I suppose I don't believe in free will really. We are as we are and our 'choices' are based on that and so on. I know a lot of people will disagree with me but I believe that freewill is an illusion. At least I think I believe that, maybe I'll have to have a think about it again sometime


I don't want to get complacent either, I need to remember gratitude and to keep my expectations reasonable if I have any expectations at all.

D122y

I dealt with similar issues more or less. Obviously, nobody can feel what I or you really feel.

My hell still lurks pretty much when I am driving on the highway. Not exactly sure why. I don't really care and I am a bit thankful that I have it after all this time clean.

Otherwise, i probably would have relapsed. The angst I have driving is such of a reminder of my first days and months clean. I am 100% positive that if I relapsed i would quickly, if not immediately, go right back where I was on day 1. But, this time I may never recover. That would drive me literally insane and cause a major lifestyle change.

So, I am a very very proud proud non drinker forever.

Thanks for the post.

biminiblue

Good to "see" you Auchie.

Hodd

It seems impossible to believe in those early days that things will get better. Instant relief of course comes with a drink, but days turn into weeks, and the cravings start to weaken. Any drinking at that point will reset that urge clock to week one. After six months, at least in my case, the cravings are barely there, and as you say the benefits to mental and physical health are like nothing else on Earth. It’s just getting through the tough early weeks.

Well done for 207 👍

january161992

207 is awesome!

Thanks for posting!

Dee74

Great update Auchieshuggle - I'm glad things are going well

D

Hevyn

Hi Auchie. It's wonderful to know how well you're doing. Thanks for sharing your good news - it's sure to be encouraging & supportive for those just starting out on their journey. I remember being so scared & disoriented. Everything gets better & we grow stronger.

Auchieshuggle

Thank you all for your replies! It's wonderful to know you're all still about.

D122y, I thought of you when I wrote the opening post. I believe I have kindled myself to a stage whereby any relapse would cause that nightmarish scenario to occur again. Maybe it wouldn't, but it's not worth the risk and I need to hold onto the memory, as the fear is enough to repulse any notion I have of drinking.

I woke up this morning and thought "Oh no, I did it again!", as I spotted the empty pizza box and packets of crisps on my living room table. So I have a new battle to fight, but even though I haven't quite got my diet sorted, I'm not hungover or anxious and I'm exercising a lot more and getting things done. I feel positive, and maybe I can afford to eat the odd pizza now and again. LOL