Down the rabbit hole
Coffee Snob
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 808
Down the rabbit hole
I always think about this late at night because it blows my mind, but no matter how I try to spin it, my entire adult life has revolved around booze almost 24/7.
Wasted time, opportunities and relationships destroyed make me the most depressed, but also how my morals completely flew out the window when I was loaded.
I used to think I was a good person, but my track record proves otherwise. I really struggle with this. Can anyone else relate?
Wasted time, opportunities and relationships destroyed make me the most depressed, but also how my morals completely flew out the window when I was loaded.
I used to think I was a good person, but my track record proves otherwise. I really struggle with this. Can anyone else relate?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by PuckLuck 
I always think about this late at night because it blows my mind, but no matter how I try to spin it, my entire adult life has revolved around booze almost 24/7.
Wasted time, opportunities and relationships destroyed make me the most depressed, but also how my morals completely flew out the window when I was loaded.
I used to think I was a good person, but my track record proves otherwise. I really struggle with this. Can anyone else relate?
Wasted time, opportunities and relationships destroyed make me the most depressed, but also how my morals completely flew out the window when I was loaded.
I used to think I was a good person, but my track record proves otherwise. I really struggle with this. Can anyone else relate?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 146
100%. I get really down about the lost time. I only pissed away 6 years or so but it still sucks. I caused a lot of pain and did things I generally find reprehensible. It’s hard to reconcile. I actually find a lot of peace in recovery for that reason, though. Like, if i’m Not wasted I can explore and live my values, and that seems like really rewarding work. I really like the framework of radically accepting that my behaviors got in the way of my better angels and that I can choose to do differently with a lot of work and support.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Welcome back puckluck 
I think most of us can relate.
The thing is - change is always possible.
I drank hard for about 20 years...I’ve been sober for 13, and I’ve tried to do a lot of good worthwhile things with my time in recovery.
It’s never too late to start a chapter 2.
D
I think most of us can relate.
The thing is - change is always possible.
I drank hard for about 20 years...I’ve been sober for 13, and I’ve tried to do a lot of good worthwhile things with my time in recovery.
It’s never too late to start a chapter 2.
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Definitely, PuckLuck. As my dependency grew over the years, I turned into a bizarre version of my actual self. I cringe when I look back now. I realize, though - that wasn't me.
Horrifying as our behavior may have been - visiting the past can be very damaging & defeating. Acknowledging it for the sake of vowing to never go back there is fine, but don't dwell. I found the dread & remorse regarding the past almost led me back to drinking. That reckless person wasn't you PuckLuck.
Horrifying as our behavior may have been - visiting the past can be very damaging & defeating. Acknowledging it for the sake of vowing to never go back there is fine, but don't dwell. I found the dread & remorse regarding the past almost led me back to drinking. That reckless person wasn't you PuckLuck.
Coffee Snob
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 808
Originally Posted by prettiekittie
100%. I get really down about the lost time. I only pissed away 6 years or so but it still sucks. I caused a lot of pain and did things I generally find reprehensible. It’s hard to reconcile. I actually find a lot of peace in recovery for that reason, though. Like, if i’m Not wasted I can explore and live my values, and that seems like really rewarding work. I really like the framework of radically accepting that my behaviors got in the way of my better angels and that I can choose to do differently with a lot of work and support.
When I had 6 months of sobriety I was very engaged and connected. Wish I would have stayed in that mindset. For whatever reason my demons came roaring back and I started thinking I knew best. I dont know a damn thing.
Much older now, but I somehow managed to graduate college even though I was a roaring drunk. I'd always have a bottle of whatever in my bookbag coming home from class. I thought I was being successful.
I managed to to get the job but that's when the wasted time really begin. Eventually being fired not for drinking, but it had to be. I was hungover everyday going into the office.
After that it was just another disaster after another. I thought I was so slick fooling people.
Coffee Snob
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 808
Originally Posted by Dee74
Welcome back puckluck
I think most of us can relate.
The thing is - change is always possible.
I drank hard for about 20 years...I’ve been sober for 13, and I’ve tried to do a lot of good worthwhile things with my time in recovery.
It’s never too late to start a chapter 2.
D
I think most of us can relate.
The thing is - change is always possible.
I drank hard for about 20 years...I’ve been sober for 13, and I’ve tried to do a lot of good worthwhile things with my time in recovery.
It’s never too late to start a chapter 2.
D
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,186
Good luck PuckLuck!
I was a long term drunk and not drinking for a few weeks let alone quitting for good seemed impossible but I got so low that it was either get sober or die soon as a drunk. It is hard to begin with but you just have to hold on to the fact that it gets MUCH easier in time, for me that was between 40 and 50 days but I was 54 when I quit and I didn't realise things had got easier for some time after that (it's hard to explain) Anyway, you can do it and the boost it will give to your self respect helps deal with those other aspects of our damaged lives.
I was a long term drunk and not drinking for a few weeks let alone quitting for good seemed impossible but I got so low that it was either get sober or die soon as a drunk. It is hard to begin with but you just have to hold on to the fact that it gets MUCH easier in time, for me that was between 40 and 50 days but I was 54 when I quit and I didn't realise things had got easier for some time after that (it's hard to explain) Anyway, you can do it and the boost it will give to your self respect helps deal with those other aspects of our damaged lives.
Coffee Snob
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 808
Originally Posted by saoutchik
Good luck PuckLuck!
I was a long term drunk and not drinking for a few weeks let alone quitting for good seemed impossible but I got so low that it was either get sober or die soon as a drunk. It is hard to begin with but you just have to hold on to the fact that it gets MUCH easier in time, for me that was between 40 and 50 days but I was 54 when I quit and I didn't realise things had got easier for some time after that (it's hard to explain) Anyway, you can do it and the boost it will give to your self respect helps deal with those other aspects of our damaged lives.
I was a long term drunk and not drinking for a few weeks let alone quitting for good seemed impossible but I got so low that it was either get sober or die soon as a drunk. It is hard to begin with but you just have to hold on to the fact that it gets MUCH easier in time, for me that was between 40 and 50 days but I was 54 when I quit and I didn't realise things had got easier for some time after that (it's hard to explain) Anyway, you can do it and the boost it will give to your self respect helps deal with those other aspects of our damaged lives.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 742
The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.
Never got into meth but alcohol would make me crave crack cocaine which would make me crave opiates or heroin.
We cant change whats happened but we can learn and grow from it and hopefully go on to help others. We didn't necessarily want to choose this path but here we are. Let's try and go in the right direction from here.
Never got into meth but alcohol would make me crave crack cocaine which would make me crave opiates or heroin.
We cant change whats happened but we can learn and grow from it and hopefully go on to help others. We didn't necessarily want to choose this path but here we are. Let's try and go in the right direction from here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 280
Dude, that post could have been describing me.
Every little facet of my life had something to do with getting drunk or planning to.
I quit and failed so many times I’ve lost count. I have whined about wanting to stop (wanting to want to stop?) drinking to so many people it became a running joke with family and friends.
You can do this. You really can.
Every little facet of my life had something to do with getting drunk or planning to.
I quit and failed so many times I’ve lost count. I have whined about wanting to stop (wanting to want to stop?) drinking to so many people it became a running joke with family and friends.
You can do this. You really can.
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