Hope is not a Plan, but don't abandon it
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
Hope is not a Plan, but don't abandon it
As I sit here at my desk, I reflect back on this week and the past year. As many of you that have been on here a while, 9 months ago I was a wreck. I felt my life falling apart. I didn’t think I would make it to this week in my life. I say that cause today is my wedding anniversary. 9 months ago I found out my wife who was just 3 months sober was having an emotional affair with a fellow AA person she meet online. I didn’t know what I was going to do. It was one of the few times in my life that I cried that night when I found out. I knew my wife loved me and me her.
I found the strength with the help of you lovely people here and my Alanon group to really talk with her. She had always had a way of spinning things and manipulating me to where I would just cave in and agree or see it her way. Alcoholics are good at that. They make you question your own judgment. I was determined to fix this and to fix myself. Fixing me was the first step. I could no longer go along with her trying to manipulate me. This was hard for me due to she is so much better with words than me. I took my time and I found the words I needed to say to keep her from doing this. We also agreed that she needed to go to an all-women’s AA meeting and not continue doing the online meetings. There were just too many temptations online. I drove her to her meeting, due to the fact that they were at night and she doesn’t handle night driving that good. I didn’t mind, she was getting the help she needed. Even during this pandemic, her women’s groups switched over to a ZOOM type format, so she can continue to get the help she needs. I also needed to focus on the things that brought me happiness. I continue to go to Alanon meeting, I started back up my woodworking projects and remodeling stuff that I enjoyed doing and let her focus on getting better and finding her peace.
Some of the projects I have enjoyed
So, today I am happy to say with a lot of work and communication, I am celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary with her. This week is also her 1 year sober. In which I am very proud of her. I too gave it up a year ago also, though I never had any problems with it. Never at the forefront of my brain. I wanted her journey to have a few temptations as possible. Grant it there are a few days where the kid's might of pushed me to the edge of saying “I could use a glass of wine”. But I would never go through with it. So, why many people on here say “Hope is not a plan” don’t abandon it. A little hope is needed, just don’t depend on it. I feel I am one of the lucky ones whose companion did see the evil it was bringing her and was willing to fight for the peace, that working a program can bring. It’s not an easy journey and not one that can be done in a week or month. I am still on my journey and she on hers. Yes, we still have arguments, but we both love each other and have both learned to talk to the other person.
I leave you with this. You have to focus on yourself. You have to follow the Three “C”. You didn’t CAUSE this. You can CONTROL them. You can’t CURE them. You all have brought me much strength and wisdom. Keep posting, keep coming back, Most of all know that you are stronger then you think.
I found the strength with the help of you lovely people here and my Alanon group to really talk with her. She had always had a way of spinning things and manipulating me to where I would just cave in and agree or see it her way. Alcoholics are good at that. They make you question your own judgment. I was determined to fix this and to fix myself. Fixing me was the first step. I could no longer go along with her trying to manipulate me. This was hard for me due to she is so much better with words than me. I took my time and I found the words I needed to say to keep her from doing this. We also agreed that she needed to go to an all-women’s AA meeting and not continue doing the online meetings. There were just too many temptations online. I drove her to her meeting, due to the fact that they were at night and she doesn’t handle night driving that good. I didn’t mind, she was getting the help she needed. Even during this pandemic, her women’s groups switched over to a ZOOM type format, so she can continue to get the help she needs. I also needed to focus on the things that brought me happiness. I continue to go to Alanon meeting, I started back up my woodworking projects and remodeling stuff that I enjoyed doing and let her focus on getting better and finding her peace.
Some of the projects I have enjoyed
So, today I am happy to say with a lot of work and communication, I am celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary with her. This week is also her 1 year sober. In which I am very proud of her. I too gave it up a year ago also, though I never had any problems with it. Never at the forefront of my brain. I wanted her journey to have a few temptations as possible. Grant it there are a few days where the kid's might of pushed me to the edge of saying “I could use a glass of wine”. But I would never go through with it. So, why many people on here say “Hope is not a plan” don’t abandon it. A little hope is needed, just don’t depend on it. I feel I am one of the lucky ones whose companion did see the evil it was bringing her and was willing to fight for the peace, that working a program can bring. It’s not an easy journey and not one that can be done in a week or month. I am still on my journey and she on hers. Yes, we still have arguments, but we both love each other and have both learned to talk to the other person.
I leave you with this. You have to focus on yourself. You have to follow the Three “C”. You didn’t CAUSE this. You can CONTROL them. You can’t CURE them. You all have brought me much strength and wisdom. Keep posting, keep coming back, Most of all know that you are stronger then you think.
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