Day One Again
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Join Date: May 2020
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Day One Again
Well, I went and drank again. What is wrong with me? I can think of a zillion reasons not to drink but I do it anyway. Why can't I put the bottle down once and for all? I quit smoking weed. I thought I would never quit that but it started making me paranoid and I didn't like that and I wanted to see what it would feel like not to smoke. February 7, 2019 I through it out and I haven't smoked once since then. I don't even miss it. Why can't it be like that with alcohol? The longest I have ever quit drinking was sixty days and then I thought I could handle it. I can't handle it and I hate what it is doing to me and my physical and emotional health. I am always seriously depressed the next day and it takes a day or two for the depression to lift. So today I will suffer through this depression. I want to know what it feels like to be sober for good. Why do I get to day three of not drinking and then decide to drink again? I feel so much better by day three that I think I will feel even better with a cocktail. I must be insane. So here I am and I thought I would try this.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
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Probably most of the people of SR could say the same things you just said. You have to make a plan for when that AV rears it's ugly head on how to deal with it. It might be a little uncomfortable for a while but it will pass. Best wishes for you on your journey!
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Join Date: Dec 2019
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Welcome to the site DoggieFriend. Are you sober today? I think it's time to do some writing. Make a plan for today and then the next few days. Schedule every minute with something to do other than drinking. Identify your craving time and do something different during that window. What have you tried in the past in the way of tools to stay sober? I hope today can be your Day 1. Write down what you feel like this morning and remember you never have to feel that way again.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
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Its a cycle, and a vicious one at that. I had the same thing. Its tough to break the chains, and the first few cycles the boredom is tough to deal with. But it goes away if you hang with it. I never used to do anything on Saturday or Sunday, now I do all kinds of stuff. Mostly workout and cook. Its better than drinking.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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So many answers come to mind, but the only one that matters is - don't pick up a drink and pour it in your own mouth.
It's up to you. We've all had to battle through those issues. It got a whole lot better in my head when I stopped listening to those thoughts that tell me a drink is a good idea.
No.
It's a really bad idea. I've got the battle-scars to prove it. No need to keep running the same tired experiment.
It's up to you. We've all had to battle through those issues. It got a whole lot better in my head when I stopped listening to those thoughts that tell me a drink is a good idea.
No.
It's a really bad idea. I've got the battle-scars to prove it. No need to keep running the same tired experiment.
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Join Date: May 2020
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Originally Posted by Surrendered19 
Welcome to the site DoggieFriend. Are you sober today? I think it's time to do some writing. Make a plan for today and then the next few days. Schedule every minute with something to do other than drinking. Identify your craving time and do something different during that window. What have you tried in the past in the way of tools to stay sober? I hope today can be your Day 1. Write down what you feel like this morning and remember you never have to feel that way again.
I went to AA a few times many years ago and I remember getting sober for seventeen days and I was talking about how much better I was feeling and how many things I was getting done that I had put off or procrastinated on. There was a gal there that made a point of telling me that it was best not to do too many things in the beginning. I didn't say anything but I disagree with her and I am glad that you wrote about scheduling things to do. It keeps me busy and not bored. I drink for boredom among other things. So as I listen to this podcast I am also making a list of all thing things I need to get done. I like marking them off as I do them. It gives me pleasure. Some of the things are kind of big and some are small so I can pick and choose depending on my level of energy or motivation. I wonder why that gal advised me not to do too many things.
I never thought to identify my craving time but as I think about it I can identify several. Between 1 p.m. and 5 p.m. If I get past 5 p.m. the craving goes away. There are other "times", too. Like if it is going to be a snowy day. I think "Oh boy! I love snow. Lets enhance it with vodka." Of course, it is summer now so that is sort of removed for me.
This morning I am disappointed in myself and alarmed at just how quickly I moved from being very motivated to stop drinking to instantly, really instantly, going to get a bottle. It was like a switch flipped and off I went. That is frightening to me that I did that again. That darned switch.
Thank you everybody for writing. Surely the support will help and educating myself on addiction and the brain as well.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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It is your AV that is telling you it's okay to drink after a few days or a month or two. Recognizing that the AV is trying to regain control is a bit step in recovery. At that point, you can learn to dismiss the voice before you act. And, each day that you are sober, makes it easier to continue. I share your frustration over dealing with the cycle because I was there too. You can get past this.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Originally Posted by DoggieFriend
What does AV mean?
Read about it here in the Secular Section:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ased-recovery/Permanent Abstinence Based Recovery
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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I think what helped me early on was keeping a calendar. If I was sober, I marked that down. My usual calendar showed 3 or 4 days sober or maybe 6. Then day one again. This went on for a long time. 30 days seemed impossible. My pattern continued even after the month mark. I would go long periods and then drink. One time I went a year, and drank on the day after that milestone. Another time 11 months. You just have to keep trying. Don't worry about a clock reset. Day one again? Well, try again. And trying is the big thing. Don't give up! I'm coming up on 2 years and I hope that what I did helps you. Best wishes!
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Join Date: Apr 2020
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Doggie friend I did the same thing, a week ago I posted on how great it felt not looking at my eyes in the mirror checking if my eyes are yellow cause my liver or kidneys finally gave in, to a few days later writing about how drank I got for the three days. I'm on my third day sober but last night as I went to the store I picked up as if nothing my usual bottle of wine. I didn't drink it infact I just poured it down the drain but these habits we've learned are hard to break! However I do take comfort in the fact that I broke my cycle. It did not go from shelf to mouth, it went shelf to drain, small but I hold on to that victory. MAKE A SMALL VICTORY FOR YOURSELF! 
In coding software there is the basic first code everyone writes 'Hello World', It is advised that when you get frustrated because code just refuses to work, print hello world, give your brain a little shot of dopamine (Because that code works) to keep it going.
Keep posting, i'm new as well and everyone is so kind and collectively have been through it all. Rooting for you!
In coding software there is the basic first code everyone writes 'Hello World', It is advised that when you get frustrated because code just refuses to work, print hello world, give your brain a little shot of dopamine (Because that code works) to keep it going.
Keep posting, i'm new as well and everyone is so kind and collectively have been through it all. Rooting for you!
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Join Date: May 2020
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Alcoholic voice. I am familiar with that voice. Mine says things like "You can make this your one last drink. So go ahead and enjoy it." "Maybe you won't feel as bad as you think tomorrow so go ahead and drink today." "But, it is so pretty outside today. Wouldn't a drink be nice to go with it?" "A margarita would be great with those tacos!" "Just have a little bit."
I want to retrain that voice. It needs to learn to say other things.
I want to retrain that voice. It needs to learn to say other things.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
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I don't think your friend from AA and I were necessarily saying different things. I think many items on your list for the day to keep busy can include meditation, reading, walking, television, nap. My only thought is that if you plan your day out, it is one tool to try and stay away from drinking. Of course nobody should ever plan too much sober or drunk as that is its own recipe for anxiety. But have a thought out plan for when the cravings come and keep at something.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by DoggieFriend
Alcoholic voice. I am familiar with that voice. Mine says things like "You can make this your one last drink. So go ahead and enjoy it." "Maybe you won't feel as bad as you think tomorrow so go ahead and drink today." "But, it is so pretty outside today. Wouldn't a drink be nice to go with it?" "A margarita would be great with those tacos!" "Just have a little bit."
I want to retrain that voice. It needs to learn to say other things.
I want to retrain that voice. It needs to learn to say other things.
Success comes from not listening to it.
I can tell you that it does not go away completely. I had to learn to live in peace with it and to ignore its whining.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
Well since it is the voice of the Addiction, it will continue to say the same things.
Success comes from not listening to it.
I can tell you that it does not go away completely. I had to learn to live in peace with it and to ignore its whining.
Success comes from not listening to it.
I can tell you that it does not go away completely. I had to learn to live in peace with it and to ignore its whining.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by DoggieFriend
That put an image in my head that kind of made me laugh. Since this disease is never really going to go away I picture it as an unwelcome house guest that just won't take the hint and I have to learn to live with that guest in peace or sort of in peace.
A Buddhist once told me, "Let your thoughts go in one door and out the other. Do not invite them to sit down for tea."
Just let the thoughts flow in and out. Unwelcome or not...if I don't get into a conversation with them or judge them as being good or bad they will pass, like a leaf on a river.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
That's exactly it.
A Buddhist once told me, "Let your thoughts go in one door and out the other. Do not invite them to sit down for tea."
Just let the thoughts flow in and out. Unwelcome or not...if I don't get into a conversation with them or judge them as being good or bad they will pass, like a leaf on a river.
A Buddhist once told me, "Let your thoughts go in one door and out the other. Do not invite them to sit down for tea."
Just let the thoughts flow in and out. Unwelcome or not...if I don't get into a conversation with them or judge them as being good or bad they will pass, like a leaf on a river.
Point is to never let it get you. It becomes less potent over time if you do the right things. For that I'd recommend some form of a recovery plan.
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