BeABetterMan

Ugh. I knew it. I absolutely knew it.

Dee74

You can stop right now. Might not be pleasant but you can do it.
A part of you must want to stop or else why post here?

do it. Make a good choice to negate the bad one BABM.

D

nez

It saddens me to hear this because I have been there and it was hell. Do what Dee suggested and stop right now. Peace is found by coming to terms with what we don't know. Your mind will be believe what you tell it. You knew you were going to drink, so you did. Instead of doing that, feed it hope. Feed it truth. Feed it love, not judgements. Stop right now. You are worth it and you deserve it. You don't deserve to be treated the way you are treating yourself. Would you wish this on your worst enemy? Why wish it on yourself...so don't.

Coz

BABM
You have been so encouraging and supporting for others - please do the same for yourself.
As one who make 61 days and then drank - it was silly. All the hard physical withdrawal over, only to have to go through it again.
I can only hope that you will listen to Dee and Nez and be kind to yourself. Stop now and you won't have to endure those first three days of self-inflicted pain and sickness.
You can do this - you have shown so much courage and commitment - grab it back fast.

snitch

Have you been on to the AA 24/7 meetings at all? I've just been on. Lots of newcomers. Great experience strength and hope being shared by old and new. Really inspiring!

Lines

You have a new choice to make each minute in time. I know it's tough. I stopped and restarted cocaine multiple times. Just draw upon strength and toss out what's left. Start writing here, do something to change the moment. Learn and tomorrow will be better.

BeABetterMan

I’m just hitting it hard. Talking to my ex. She’s so sober. I love the program...meaning I love sobriety but I just can’t.


it says people who can’t get it can’t be honest with themselves or have mental illness... I can be honest ...hmm

Dee74

You're no more 'constitutionally incapable' than the rest of us.

I would rather drink than deal with stuff all the time. The AV spun me a line and I bought into it knowing it was bull but hey what did it matter anyway - I was lower than a snakes belly..

Thats the AV right there, The voice that says you're worthless unlovable and incapable of getting sober and staying that way.

The AV will pedal any line line to get a drink.
It lies.

You're smarter than the AV.

Your ex may have moved on but she's not the only one who love and need you BABM.
You deserve recovery - and those who love you and depend on you deserve you in recovery too.

Yeah I'm playing rough - but you are worth the effort.

dump the rest of the stuff and stop feeling sorry for yourself man.

You know it makes sense.

D

Gabe1980

I have just done the same as you are doing now. It's been horrendous and totally soul destroying for me...... I totally get it. It becomes so hard to keep going that you think that it's not worth the constant stress and giving in is easy. But this thing is.......this is so much harder. Having binged and dealt with the last couple of days I guarantee you that this is way harder than keeping going in recovery we just BS ourselves into thinking its not. I genuinely feared for my life this time. Do what you can to stop now because the sooner you do the easier it will be to get back on track. Sending loads of good energy your way today.

Be123

Yuk, sorry to hear this BABM. I feel for you, that feeling is SO fresh in my mind, I am committed to doing pretty much anything to avoid going back.

Dont stop trying. I reckon most people on here kept trying for ages before becoming sober, and some of them are living proof it is worth keeping at

BeckoningCat

Actually there are plenty of mentally ill people who get sober. If you're talking about that adage from AA about some people have some grave condition that doesn't allow for insight, I'm pretty sure that doesn't fit you since you're coherent enough even while drinking to write legibly in complete sentences and question your addiction and want to get sober.

I know there's a high comorbidity with alcoholism and bipolar disorder, but I'm unaware that it especially prevents individuals from seeking recovery, since people with bipolar disorder often have normal to above-average intelligence and can live stable and successful lives if they get help.

Of course no one here can diagnose you of anything, but you can't diagnose yourself either, and neither can a random AA meeting. You need to be evaluated by a licensed psychiatrist for that, it's the 21st century.

thomas11

Sounds like you might have experienced an emotional trigger and off you went? You can end this, when you do is up to you. Get sobered up and give it another go man.

Fallow

Hi BABM
Sorry to hear you picked up. You and I have both been coming around SR a long time without finally 'getting it' right and staying sober. Don't beat yourself up man and keep coming back. I want to be a better man also and I can relate to a lot of what you have said. I have kids I worry about too. Usually I don't like to post to those struggling cause I can't seem to take my own advice, but I think we both know that drinking is a road to nowhere. You are much better off starting over than giving up. Rooting for you!

MLD51

You say you "knew it." Knew you were going to drink? You saw it coming? So what can you do differently next time you see it coming? I know you want sobriety. I have seen you be so much happier when you aren't drinking. You worry about your kids, and you want to be here for them.

I don't think you are "constitutionally incapable" of lasting sobriety. As BeckoningCat said, there are plenty of people with mental illness who achieve sobriety. I know a few through AA myself. Yeah, it might be more difficult for them, as there is more to unpack and deal with. But with the right medications and therapy and support, it can definitely happen. Dig deep. You can do it.

Anna

BABM, I'm sorry you're drinking and I hope that you make a choice to stop now and get rid of the alcohol in your house. It's good that you saw this coming because it means that you can stop it. You are capable of making that choice, and I hope you believe that you can. You can find alternative and healthy ways to deal with the stresses in your life. It could be music, it could be exercise, whatever works for you.

Surrendered19

BABM, let's get it together man. I was really loving your daily journal on the site here and want you to get back to that. I hope you can dump your supply and get back to some sober days. You have so much to offer sober. To us, your kids, yourself, and on and on.

gypsytears

I’m sorry you decided to drink again but I’m glad you posted. Please check in and let us know how you are today. I hope you dumped out what you had and you’re ready to start again.

brighterday1234

A new sober life awaits if you want it.

january161992

How are you today BeABetterMan?

BeABetterMan

I love you guys. I’m sober now and just absolutely the most depressed I could be. These days, after drinking I feel HORRIBLE. I can feel when I’m in the danger zone to drink, but the urge is just so powerful. It’s absolutely blinding. I’m just so dejected.