Coz

The first sober week is now complete and I am feeling OK - unlike the physical sickness of the first three days and mental anguish for the next three.
I promised myself that as soon as I was able, I would put together a plan on how to stay on the sober bus this time around. I blew it after two months last time and don't want to ever go back to day one again. I am still not sure why I took that first drink last time (which of course turned into 6 weeks of drunken stupor), so I need a better plan should I ever feel the need to drink again.

This is really a go-to for me if I even think I need a drink.

Ask myself:

• Why do I 'need' a drink?
• Is there another way to resolve the 'why'?
• Will a drink fix the 'why'?
• Do I remember the pain of last three withdrawal efforts?
• Have I considered the HALT possibilities?

If I haven't convinced myself, then next steps:

• Read my threads on SR (including this one as the first to read)
• Read the threads that I have subscribed to
• Post for help on SR
• Take a walk or sit in the spa for half an hour and remember why I chose my avatar
• Eat chocolate.

Hopefully working through this process will be enough for the craving / AV to have subsided and given me a thought-out reason not to take that first drink.

DO YOU REALLY NEED THAT DRINK?????

Dee74

Steely

Well done Coz. We just keep getting up again, then hey presto, the plan begins to work. I'll be 5 months in a few days time and can declare with certainty how better it feels. Gets easier too.

I really like your avatar Coz.

CRRHCC

Excellent list! Your own cognitive therapy list.
Recognize, Reframe and Replace.

ReadyAtLast

Congrats on your week sober

TiredCarpenter

Good job, Coz!

Endoftheday

anxiousrock

This is great! Good for you.

Coz

Hmm. Found a flaw in my plan this evening.

Hubby and I went to our neighbour's for dinner. Nothing formal, just five of us sitting around an open fire cooking jaffles for dinner. Everyone was drinking except me.

It was really lovely being outside and with good company - the first time I have been with other people in a social setting since COVID restrictions came into play about 10 weeks ago (social distancing and cleanliness critically important due to neighbour's chemo treatments at the moment - we even each prepared and cooked our own jaffles). It was a perfect setting for sipping on a wine. I was finding it hard to concentrate on the conversation or enjoy the evening - thoughts of accepting the offer of a drink dominated my mind.

I had only recently re-read my go-to list for such occasions and hence started working through the process in my mind (I wasn't good company tonight).

I asked and answered myself:

• Why do I 'need' a drink? I always have a drink sitting around a fire. It is all I can think about and I'm not participating in the first social event in nearly 3 months. If I have a drink like everyone else here, I will enjoy the evening rather than sitting here feeling like I don't belong.
• Is there another way to resolve the 'why'? Can't think of any other way.
• Will a drink fix the 'why'? Yes!
• Do I remember the pain of last three withdrawal efforts? Yes, but if I just have one or two, I can start again tomorrow.
• Have I considered the HALT possibilities? None of these are relevant at the moment.

My next steps in my plan given I was still considering a drink involves access to SR to read my threads, threads I have subscribed to and posting my dilemma - but I didn't have access to SR. This is where my plan let me down in this evening's trigger moment.

I was kinda lucky that I was only next door, so ate my jaffle, said thanks and excused myself on the basis that I was a really tired after a very busy day and hence not feeling up to a late night - an easy 5 minute walk home through the bush.

So I did make it through the night - but only just.

As much as I enjoy being at home, I do want to be able to get out from time to time - I can't forever stay in my home prison. I will have a think about other questions to ask myself when I am with company. My plan works OK when I am not socialising, but not when I am with other people or not at home.

Something to sleep on......

Sober369

Thanks for sharing that. Really good thing for me to think about this morning.
It makes me think of a chapter in the book, Alcohol Explained. He's talking about how we give too much credit to the alcohol in situations like that. The setting, the friends, the fire and the good food are what really make it nice. All drinking would really do is 1. make us stop obsessing on should I or shouldn't I, and 2. give us a bit of a buzz. Which, for me, would be ruined by me wishing I hadn't gotten a drink.
I'm so glad you made it through without drinking.

biminiblue

You made it through, so you did it right! Well done.

My answer to ANY desire is, "Yeah? So what. I don't drink." I like to keep it simple and once I've said that (sometimes out loud) the desire diminishes.


I think that has to be the answer. I don't drink, no matter what. No matter what the chattiness of my inner dialog says. No matter where I am or who is asking, no matter how happy, sad, frustrated, mad, disappointed, elated, comfortable, uncomfortable. Whatever is going on In That Moment isn't sufficient for me to pick up that first drink. I have an invisible shield between me and an alcoholic drink. No/never covers everything and is always the answer.

In the secular side of SR, is the "Permanent Abstinence Based Recovery" subforum. It's all about the AV (Addictive Voice.) The trick is to always have my commitment no matter what my addiction says.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ased-recovery/

Coz

Thanks Karen - I'll keep your words in mind as I try to 'fix' my temptation plan.

I was fine once I was home and away from the trigger and had some time to read and post on SR, but I also need to be able to deal with situations somehow. I am a bit of a recluse, but I do need and enjoy other peoples company in relaxed settings - I just need to learn to enjoy those times without the need or desire to drink. It might take a few tries before I do enjoy again, but I think I can get there if I have the right tool kit with me. Definitely not going to try again for a couple of weeks - that was too close for comfort.

Coz

Bimini - thank you.

You make it sound so easy! I'll have a read through the Permanent Abstinence Based Recovery threads tomorrow to see if there is anything that gels with me.

Really appreciate your post.

Anna

Coz, having a plan as you do is a great idea. And, good for you for getting through the evening without drinking and great job getting through your first week.

I was in my second week of sobriety when I went to a neighborhood party. I knew I wouldn't drink there because my husband was with me, but I had a most miserable time. My brain would not shut up. And, what's worse, the next morning, I rushed out to buy alcohol. So, I realized I needed to wait to be around alcohol until I felt more comfortable. For me, it was about 10 months. I think the main thing is that you want to go out and enjoy yourself and not just think about drinking. You're doing great and you will get there.

Zombie79

For weeks during initial lockdown, I went out shopping basically just to get alcohol. And I could see all over media, and even shop assistants saying that business was booming because people were bored, so what else to do but sit at home and drink.

However I was getting more and more tired of feeling crap from the alcohol. Going to bed,sweating it out, the only thing on my mind being alcohol. Then the major financial crisis last.month was a snack in the face that made me realise, I need to get off the alcohol and try looking after myself. It's strange, in the midst of a pandemic, I've chosen to embrace sobriety. I do see a lot of people enjoying a drink, I've just had enough of it is all.

TiredCarpenter

Coz: well done excusing yourself and heading home. Sobriety at any effort, right? Great for you!

Our alcoholic minds are very ‘creative’ I guess you could say. I find it a good practice to observe what some of the non-drinkers in a crowd do. (not alcoholics, just non-drinkers)

I recall being at a Christmas party years ago for a construction company I worked for. I was 15 months sober, but geez....I felt like a broken thumb when I danced. I was sure the whole place could see my discomfort. It was quite a yucky feeling. I KNEW that a few quick shots would help me fit in. But did I really need to feel like I belonged that badly. Did the opinion of these people really have any stake in my future; especially my future health and well-being? My senseless imaginings amplified my discomfort. I fit in just fine.
Stayed sober that night and actually enjoyed a good number of years sober beyond.

When drinking, I thought everyone drank. Sober now, I realize how few actually drink to oblivion as I did.

Good job staying diligent!
I always gain something from your posts.

Coz

Thank you to everyone that posted following my "near muck-up".

I was really happy that I went to bed sober last night and woke up this morning without a hangover (which would have resulted in me starting the day with a hair of the dog and the cycle beginning all over again). But, I was also disappointed that I couldn't enjoy the evening without a drink nor did I really communicate with the others - just floated off in my own thinking-space while staring at the flames.

I did some thinking today on how to add to my plan when I am with other people and can't access SR or my own space. This still might need some work as my learning continues, but this is my new go-to list when I want, need or even think about having a drink - similar to my original, but with some extra steps before needing my computer.

Ask myself:

• Why do I 'need' a drink?
• Is there another way to resolve the 'why'?
• Will a drink fix the 'why'?
• Do I remember the pain of last three withdrawal efforts?
• Have I considered the HALT possibilities?

Remind myself that:

• I am completely unable to have one or two drinks. If I drink now, I will be drinking tomorrow, the next day and the next many days at ever increasing volumes
• I will not be able to do any of my planned activities tomorrow, the next day and the next many days
• No one cares if I drink or not, it is just me thinking it would add to the enjoyment of the moment, but it is me that decided to find a better life for myself free of the woes caused by drinking
• I don't drink anymore - I might think one or two is OK now, but I will regret it tomorrow and forever
• [If I'm with company], all I need to do is deal with the next few hours as best as I can and enjoy as best as I can. Learning to do this sober will be a great achievement, so use this chance to learn.

If I haven't convinced myself, then next steps:

• Get myself back home or at least away from the situation that is causing the trigger
• Read my threads on SR (including this one as the first to read)
• Read the threads that I have subscribed to
• Post for help on SR
• Take a walk or sit in the spa for half an hour and remember why I chose my avatar (it only takes one wave to be washed ashore)
• Eat chocolate.

Thanks again to all on SR for the support, encouragement and knowledge that you so openly share.

Sober369

That is a great plan, Coz. You're inspiring me, thank you!

Be123

Hi coz, this isn't a recommendation or advice, it's just a (true!) story that taught me something about myself....

We had a socially-distancing get together with neighbours three weeks ago, me sober for 9 weeks or so. I was anxious about being around alcohol, but because it was outside our house and I could easily leave and hide if I felt tempted, I decided to go.

I didn't drink although SOME others were (I always thought EVERYONE drunk before I got sober). Some were quite drunk. But a new neighbour turned up with their 8 year old disabled daughter. This kid was so wonderful and fun, I played 'magic' tricks on her and then taught them to her and we played them on her parents. I had the best evening I've had in years. Because I was sober.

I was really glad I went.I nearly missed it due to fear.

This isn't a recommendation, it's just a (true) story

TiredCarpenter

Great plan Coz:

I found that taking my own batch of special fizzy, flavoured, beverage to an outing worked well. So I could always have a drink in hand and control what that drink was.

Really, non-alcohol drinks taste WAY BETTER than the hard stuff anyway.

Pausing for a few seconds, closing my eyes and reflecting on some text, saying, mantra was often just enough pause to help me get centred on recovery again.

Your commitment to a sober life will see you through.