SeaSlug

Hi. I'm feeling overwhelmed. Looking for words of wisdom?

I'm ok. I have a job and the things I need. I'm just trying to fake it until I make it, I guess. I never give sober me a chance but now I am. I'm only 41 days sober. This is usually when I cycle through another bender but I wont be doing that now. Keeping busy is really helping. I was busy all day today.

I had a terrible fight with my mom. The problem is she is really mentally ill and it is so hard to handle. This was last Friday and I am still crying and obsessing. Normally I would drink at this but I am not. I'm older and my mom has been mentally ill and is an alcoholic...for my whole life. Now I really need to learn to handle these feelings that come up and I am going to need a therapist to help me. Tomorrow I will call and make an effort to get help.

I'm afraid. I know my feelings can't hurt me though and I'm hanging onto this. This is it though...this has been a crucial week for me to be on guard, however weak I may feel.

Dee74

I'm sorry you have to deal with mental illness and addiction in a loved one but i'm really glad to hear you're staying sober - thanks a fantastic effort.

I think when I was drinking and in the early days of recovery I had the idea that of life was tough I wasn't doing recovery right.

It took me a little while to learn that recovery is not about a life with no problems - it's a life where I find better solutions than alcohol or drugs.

Recoverys not about a blissful life every day all year - at least it's not for me - but it is about finding a peace and a basic state of being fulfilled that cannot be dispelled by people, events, or feelings.

41 days is great - but it gets easier and better SeaSlug - I promise

SeaSlug

Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this. I was wondering "why dont I have the pink cloud? " but I think I am expecting too much. Life will be life. I will be different m. How I react or don't react is changing.

Thanks for being here.

brighterday1234

By staying sober you give your life a chance to improve and it will. Stay sober, commit to recovery and stay close to SR. AA is great too to help people remain sober.

sugarbear1

Other than not drinking, what are you doing for your recovery? Do you have a plan?

I wish you well on your sober journey!

You got this!!

soberclover

Seeing a therapist was a very positive experience for me - great idea.

ReadyAtLast

41 days is fantastic-many congrats on your sober time

Anna

I'm really sorry about your situation with your Mom, Seaslug. Mental illness and addiction are two very difficult things to try to deal with in a family member. Try to remember to put yourself first during this vulnerable time of early recovery. If you need to distance yourself from your Mom for a bit, that's okay. The main thing is for you to stay sober.

And, you know, I didn't have a Pink Cloud either, not at all. I had a lot of stuff to deal with. But, looking back, I think it was for the best. My recovery was slow and steady and though I had some mood swings, I didn't have to fall off a Pink Cloud.

SeaSlug

Thank you for this. I decided today to take a contact break. I will let her know. This isn't the first time we have had to not be in contact. I must stay sober.

january161992

How are you today SeaSlug?

SeaSlug

Hi! Thanks so much for asking. I'm doing better. I'm working through this. I'm staying sober which is SO important to me. My appetite is back too. I was so emotional and upset I was having a hard time eating for quite a few days. So I guess I am going through this and I am gaining trust in myself that I can do the right things for myself.

Thanks again. How are you doing? I hope you are well

SeaSlug

I've established no contact with my Mom. This isn't my first time with this. She's only been in my life for the last 3 years, before that she was out for 5 yrs, and so on and so on. She's toxic and hateful. I'm still recovering from being told what a horrible person I am, that I am a whiner, that I wallow in the past, that I am like my father (thank god I am like him), etc. Of course the day before I was someone she was so proud of, intelligent, caring and sensitive. This is how abusive people work.

I don't have time for this **** anymore. I've LET it ****** my recovery my whole life. Moving forward, slowly, but I am going forward.

Thanks everyone for you comments!

Verdantia

Hey, SeaSlug. I am so glad that you're staying sober and setting the proper boundaries with your mom--your recovery needs to come first. I never had a 'pink cloud' moment either. I spent a couple months in rehab when I quit and had a lot of serious things to sort out, so I just kept going on with life sober, and it is better than I could've imagined. I've gone back to school (at age 58) and am one class from my AA degree in social work, and I plan on continuing my education. Without sobriety, this would have remained a dream--I never could have done it while drinking. I've reconnected with my spirituality. I've regained the trust and respect of those who I love. You can have the decent, happy, dignified life you deserve--just keep on doing the right things and moving forward sober. You can certainly do this!

SeaSlug

Thank you for sharing your journey with me! You are totally awesome I loved reading all of this.

I'm 45 and I am going to get that life. I feel all weird since I put up the boundaries because I have not done that in SO long. Before I know it I'll be doing it all of the time!

LadyBug66

Good job on 41 + days! I never had the pink cloud feeling either. It's just been slow and steady, day by day. I'm sorry that you have to deal with those issues with your Mom. I'm glad that you recognize her issues and are trying to make sure you don't repeat them. I've got about 2 1/2 years sober and although it hasn't always been easy it's getting easier. I still remember the drunk crap I did and how I felt when drinking and that has helped me stay sober.

SeaSlug

Thank you, LadyBug. I appreciate the support and hearing about your path. I am going to take it one day at a time and stay on this path. I think it's going to be rough for me emotionally but I have no choice but to go through it and I can create a good support system for myself along the way of recovery.

LadyBug66

I do go through parts of the day where I feel almost euphoric with gratitude for life. I went through cancer a year ago so every day is a good day... even the bad days. I'm so glad I'm not feeling sick from my own doing anymore.