I would have had 90 days today.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 63
I would have had 90 days today.....
So.... today would have been 90 days but I drank last night.... a bottle of red... and then another bottle of sweet white this am I picked up both bottles last night right before the liquor store closed thinking they would take the edge of the evening......I just pulled into the liquor store parking lot to buy another one but I turned around and drove back home... I can't even do it to myself I already feel foggy and delirious... anymore alcohol at this point would guaranty a terrible day at work tomorrow....or a call in... I'm coming back to recommit... this week has been hard for me to stay sober... I got back on this insanity train a week ago... I drank over a guys place I met online (I did let him know I had a drinking problem) it wasn't out of control drinking but non the less I think contributed to me buying that wine last night.... I'm gonna go outside for a walk and drink some water maybe try to get to bed early tonight. Try again tomorrow to be sober, reset my clock again. I'm not completely defeated I'm still here and trying.
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Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 637
Originally Posted by sweetiepie32 
So.... today would have been 90 days but I drank last night.... a bottle of red... and then another bottle of sweet white this am I picked up both bottles last night right before the liquor store closed thinking they would take the edge of the evening......I just pulled into the liquor store parking lot to buy another one but I turned around and drove back home... I can't even do it to myself I already feel foggy and delirious... anymore alcohol at this point would guaranty a terrible day at work tomorrow....or a call in... I'm coming back to recommit... this week has been hard for me to stay sober... I got back on this insanity train a week ago... I drank over a guys place I met online (I did let him know I had a drinking problem) it wasn't out of control drinking but non the less I think contributed to me buying that wine last night.... I'm gonna go outside for a walk and drink some water maybe try to get to bed early tonight. Try again tomorrow to be sober, reset my clock again. I'm not completely defeated I'm still here and trying.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,445
I'm glad you're back and trying again.
Use what you learned in those 90 days and build on it. Try to work out what prompted you to drink and how to avoid it next time.
Of course, you're not defeated.
Use what you learned in those 90 days and build on it. Try to work out what prompted you to drink and how to avoid it next time.
Of course, you're not defeated. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi Sweetiepie
Many of us faltered a time or two.
The key is to find out where you went wrong - you put yourself in a very tough situation of meeting someone new last week - could that wait til you're a little stronger perhaps?
what was contributing to the feeling that you needed to take the edge off?
could you think of other healthy ways to do that - ask for support, engage in some exercise, watch a favourite tv show, read a favourite book or listen to a favourite album.
you have to think ahead with this stuff - but if you're determined, you'll get it.
I'm glad you made it back
D
Many of us faltered a time or two.
The key is to find out where you went wrong - you put yourself in a very tough situation of meeting someone new last week - could that wait til you're a little stronger perhaps?
what was contributing to the feeling that you needed to take the edge off?
could you think of other healthy ways to do that - ask for support, engage in some exercise, watch a favourite tv show, read a favourite book or listen to a favourite album.
you have to think ahead with this stuff - but if you're determined, you'll get it.
I'm glad you made it back
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
Sweetie - Proud of you for coming here to talk over what happened. I did that a couple times & it helped to strengthen my resolve to never touch it again. Nothing but misery at the bottom of that bottle. Now you'll be more determined.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi Sweetiepie
Many of us faltered a time or two.
The key is to find out where you went wrong - you put yourself in a very tough situation of meeting someone new last week - could that wait til you're a little stronger perhaps?
what was contributing to the feeling that you needed to take the edge off?
could you think of other healthy ways to do that - ask for support, engage in some exercise, watch a favourite tv show, read a favourite book or listen to a favourite album.
you have to think ahead with this stuff - but if you're determined, you'll get it.
I'm glad you made it back
D
Many of us faltered a time or two.
The key is to find out where you went wrong - you put yourself in a very tough situation of meeting someone new last week - could that wait til you're a little stronger perhaps?
what was contributing to the feeling that you needed to take the edge off?
could you think of other healthy ways to do that - ask for support, engage in some exercise, watch a favourite tv show, read a favourite book or listen to a favourite album.
you have to think ahead with this stuff - but if you're determined, you'll get it.
I'm glad you made it back
D
I think because I didn't go overboard last week.... and I had the day off today I convinced myself it wouldn't be that big of a deal..... its probably is best to have more sober time before dating someone but I feel so lonely at times.... it's just tough.... but I guess nothing you really want to do is easy. The peice that my recovery is still missing is asking for more support. I'm still working on that.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
I understand feeling lonely. I think a lot of people feel that way right now.
Having said that...I'm guessing I'm older than you but meeting a stranger in the middle of a pandemic would not be high on my to do list - as my mum would say you don;t know where they've been....
online chattery is probably safer for everyone right now?
as for not that big of a deal - I really had to retrain my brain.
I'd always wake up and say 'I wish I hadn't had that last drink!"
It took me many years to learn it's not the last drink that's the problem - it's the first.
There's no such thing as a few drinks for folks like us.
D
Having said that...I'm guessing I'm older than you but meeting a stranger in the middle of a pandemic would not be high on my to do list - as my mum would say you don;t know where they've been....
online chattery is probably safer for everyone right now?
as for not that big of a deal - I really had to retrain my brain.
I'd always wake up and say 'I wish I hadn't had that last drink!"
It took me many years to learn it's not the last drink that's the problem - it's the first.
There's no such thing as a few drinks for folks like us.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Dee74
I understand feeling lonely. I think a lot of people feel that way right now.
Having said that...I'm guessing I'm older than you but meeting a stranger in the middle of a pandemic would not be high on my to do list - as my mum would say you don;t know where they've been....
online chattery is probably safer for everyone right now?
as for not that big of a deal - I really had to retrain my brain.
I'd always wake up and say 'I wish I hadn't had that last drink!"
It took me many years to learn it's not the last drink that's the problem - it's the first.
There's no such thing as a few drinks for folks like us.
D
Having said that...I'm guessing I'm older than you but meeting a stranger in the middle of a pandemic would not be high on my to do list - as my mum would say you don;t know where they've been....
online chattery is probably safer for everyone right now?
as for not that big of a deal - I really had to retrain my brain.
I'd always wake up and say 'I wish I hadn't had that last drink!"
It took me many years to learn it's not the last drink that's the problem - it's the first.
There's no such thing as a few drinks for folks like us.
D
True to everything you said Dee.... no rebuttals to that.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,031
I’m glad you’re back Sweetie Pie. It took me a while to figure out sobriety, I went back and forth between short periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation, I finally had my last drink on December 31, 2015.
Four and a half years of sobriety later and I can tell you life is so much better sober. There are still difficult things, I have lost my mom, dealt with financial issues, changing jobs, and this current pandemic, and no matter how difficult a day I was having I knew that drinking would only make it worse.
I have found new ways to deal with stress, I still read and post on SR daily. I also try to get outdoors for a walk each day. I practice mindfulness, this has been a struggle for me in recent days, so I sometimes just need to stop and do some breathing to ground myself. I also practice gratitude, no matter how bad a situation is there is always something to be thankful for.
I know you can do this. Why don’t you join the May of 2020 class and also pop into the 24 hour thread, it helps to feel connected.
Four and a half years of sobriety later and I can tell you life is so much better sober. There are still difficult things, I have lost my mom, dealt with financial issues, changing jobs, and this current pandemic, and no matter how difficult a day I was having I knew that drinking would only make it worse.
I have found new ways to deal with stress, I still read and post on SR daily. I also try to get outdoors for a walk each day. I practice mindfulness, this has been a struggle for me in recent days, so I sometimes just need to stop and do some breathing to ground myself. I also practice gratitude, no matter how bad a situation is there is always something to be thankful for.
I know you can do this. Why don’t you join the May of 2020 class and also pop into the 24 hour thread, it helps to feel connected.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Dust yourself and get your butt back on the wagon. 89 days is nothing to scoff at. Sounds like you were doing a lot right. Good on you for getting right back at it.
I also date, not so much recently as I'm focused on recovery, and it is a major trigger for me to drink. There are a lot of reasons for that, but I've kind of come to the conclusion that if I need to drink to date, something isn't right. What that usually means isn't so much related to my date, but related to where I am in life. What's my mindset. Is this just a girl that will make me feel not lonely for a little while? Quiet my own voices telling me I need someone else to make me feel like I have worth. Dating is a minefield for me as it relates to sobriety so I've been steering clear. This was really hard at first for all of the aforementioned reasons, but it's gotten easier. Maybe something to consider SP.
I also date, not so much recently as I'm focused on recovery, and it is a major trigger for me to drink. There are a lot of reasons for that, but I've kind of come to the conclusion that if I need to drink to date, something isn't right. What that usually means isn't so much related to my date, but related to where I am in life. What's my mindset. Is this just a girl that will make me feel not lonely for a little while? Quiet my own voices telling me I need someone else to make me feel like I have worth. Dating is a minefield for me as it relates to sobriety so I've been steering clear. This was really hard at first for all of the aforementioned reasons, but it's gotten easier. Maybe something to consider SP.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
The off and on drinking started to really alter my brain. I had lingering issues for well over 10 years before things started to go really haywire.
I started to appreciate normalcy more then an altered reality. Plus, the hangovers stopped going away and became how I felt until I drank again.
About 90 days clean is when things started to feel really crazy. I couldn't understand how I could feel so anxious after that much clean time.
SR taught me about PAWS and kindling. This saved my life.
Now at 5 years sober, I still feel anxious at times, but it is more of an exception than the norm.
I am sure if I relapsed I would feel anxious again for another 10 years due to the exponentially damaging effects of kindling, PAWS, and PTSD.
Each relapse causes a deeper recovery time. Some folks go mad if they don't learn what is going on.
Clean time and suffering were my ways to get this clean. The pain was so deep. I pray I never forget that or risk hell on earth all over.
I don't want my reality altered any more. Life is too precious to live looking through boozy lenses. Let the real me live free.
Thanks.
I started to appreciate normalcy more then an altered reality. Plus, the hangovers stopped going away and became how I felt until I drank again.
About 90 days clean is when things started to feel really crazy. I couldn't understand how I could feel so anxious after that much clean time.
SR taught me about PAWS and kindling. This saved my life.
Now at 5 years sober, I still feel anxious at times, but it is more of an exception than the norm.
I am sure if I relapsed I would feel anxious again for another 10 years due to the exponentially damaging effects of kindling, PAWS, and PTSD.
Each relapse causes a deeper recovery time. Some folks go mad if they don't learn what is going on.
Clean time and suffering were my ways to get this clean. The pain was so deep. I pray I never forget that or risk hell on earth all over.
I don't want my reality altered any more. Life is too precious to live looking through boozy lenses. Let the real me live free.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Delilah1
I’m glad you’re back Sweetie Pie. It took me a while to figure out sobriety, I went back and forth between short periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation, I finally had my last drink on December 31, 2015.
Four and a half years of sobriety later and I can tell you life is so much better sober. There are still difficult things, I have lost my mom, dealt with financial issues, changing jobs, and this current pandemic, and no matter how difficult a day I was having I knew that drinking would only make it worse.
I have found new ways to deal with stress, I still read and post on SR daily. I also try to get outdoors for a walk each day. I practice mindfulness, this has been a struggle for me in recent days, so I sometimes just need to stop and do some breathing to ground myself. I also practice gratitude, no matter how bad a situation is there is always something to be thankful for.
I know you can do this. Why don’t you join the May of 2020 class and also pop into the 24 hour thread, it helps to feel connected.
Four and a half years of sobriety later and I can tell you life is so much better sober. There are still difficult things, I have lost my mom, dealt with financial issues, changing jobs, and this current pandemic, and no matter how difficult a day I was having I knew that drinking would only make it worse.
I have found new ways to deal with stress, I still read and post on SR daily. I also try to get outdoors for a walk each day. I practice mindfulness, this has been a struggle for me in recent days, so I sometimes just need to stop and do some breathing to ground myself. I also practice gratitude, no matter how bad a situation is there is always something to be thankful for.
I know you can do this. Why don’t you join the May of 2020 class and also pop into the 24 hour thread, it helps to feel connected.
Hello Delilah, thanks for replying. I was really hoping that I was done with drinking for good.... I felt strong in my sobriety, and thought I had it this time. I'll join the May class.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 63
Thanks BABM, I know that best case scenario i should have more sober time before dating. But it's just kinda difficult for me to have no intimate relationship in my life at all... the loneliness can also make it hard to be sober.... I'm definitely taking things slow with dating but not completely taking it off the table.... and thinking about it I really don't know why I drank with that guy when I was over there.... he didn't suggest it I did, and I didn't need to drink to be around him we were having great conversations, and I was so close to having 90 DAYS! I'm upset with myself for throwing it away that easy... But in my mind I'm telling myself that if I can do almost 90 days then I can definitely be sober..... just need to establish my footing again... taking things one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by sweetiepie32
Thanks BABM, I know that best case scenario i should have more sober time before dating. But it's just kinda difficult for me to have no intimate relationship in my life at all... the loneliness can also make it hard to be sober.... I'm definitely taking things slow with dating but not completely taking it off the table.... and thinking about it I really don't know why I drank with that guy when I was over there.... he didn't suggest it I did, and I didn't need to drink to be around him we were having great conversations, and I was so close to having 90 DAYS! I'm upset with myself for throwing it away that easy... But in my mind I'm telling myself that if I can do almost 90 days then I can definitely be sober..... just need to establish my footing again... taking things one day at a time.
Yeah, the loneliness. It’s a B.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Noam19
Sweetie, 89 days is a great chunk! Think back about how good you felt physically during those days compared to what you probably feel this morning. The mental part is hard, takes longer, but you can do this.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I really appreciate the health benefits of keeping clean. Pushing my body these days is much easier.
Mentally, life is so much more vivid. I can laugh and cry with such honesty. No chemical imbalances.
Had to let not drinking become the new norm.
it took several months of heavy craving. I don't crave much these days, vutmi craved well into 3 years clean.
Feeling anxious was actually what the crave covered up.
thanks.
Mentally, life is so much more vivid. I can laugh and cry with such honesty. No chemical imbalances.
Had to let not drinking become the new norm.
it took several months of heavy craving. I don't crave much these days, vutmi craved well into 3 years clean.
Feeling anxious was actually what the crave covered up.
thanks.
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