Day 1
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Join Date: Apr 2020
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Day 1
Day 1 ,
I had a choice and I made the wrong decision. I can't go backwards but try to move forward, it has become a cycle with my family that I can only stay clean for short periods of time then I fall off the wagon with these pain pills. I've been battling this for many years, I've always thought of going rehab like it would magically change me but I just don't have the resources to leave my family. It's triggers that always get to me. Over and over again this self pity is horrible way to live. I'm starting to lose myself and identity my wife is so fed up. But doesn't understand how serious it gets for me mentally. I can't put the blame on her she is not an addict she is just doing the that best she can. I'm starting to lose my family and friends the quilt makes it hard to look at my children telling daddy is sick.
I had a choice and I made the wrong decision. I can't go backwards but try to move forward, it has become a cycle with my family that I can only stay clean for short periods of time then I fall off the wagon with these pain pills. I've been battling this for many years, I've always thought of going rehab like it would magically change me but I just don't have the resources to leave my family. It's triggers that always get to me. Over and over again this self pity is horrible way to live. I'm starting to lose myself and identity my wife is so fed up. But doesn't understand how serious it gets for me mentally. I can't put the blame on her she is not an addict she is just doing the that best she can. I'm starting to lose my family and friends the quilt makes it hard to look at my children telling daddy is sick.
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Stickyone, the mental battle we must fight in early recovery is really hard. And, you're right, rehab is not a magic bullet and you can find your way to recovery even if you don't go to rehab.
Have you considered talking to a therapist? The guilt and shame of addiction will do you in again and again, unless you can start to work on feeling better about yourself. A Gratitude Journal can help in the early days. If you know that you must write 3 things you are grateful for at the end of each day, you will find yourself looking for positive things in your life and the process of liking/loving yourself can begin.
Have you considered talking to a therapist? The guilt and shame of addiction will do you in again and again, unless you can start to work on feeling better about yourself. A Gratitude Journal can help in the early days. If you know that you must write 3 things you are grateful for at the end of each day, you will find yourself looking for positive things in your life and the process of liking/loving yourself can begin.
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Originally Posted by stickyone 
DI've always thought of going rehab like it would magically change me but I just don't have the resources to leave my family.
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Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 637
Originally Posted by Anna
Stickyone, the mental battle we must fight in early recovery is really hard. And, you're right, rehab is not a magic bullet and you can find your way to recovery even if you don't go to rehab.
Have you considered talking to a therapist? The guilt and shame of addiction will do you in again and again, unless you can start to work on feeling better about yourself. A Gratitude Journal can help in the early days. If you know that you must write 3 things you are grateful for at the end of each day, you will find yourself looking for positive things in your life and the process of liking/loving yourself can begin.
Have you considered talking to a therapist? The guilt and shame of addiction will do you in again and again, unless you can start to work on feeling better about yourself. A Gratitude Journal can help in the early days. If you know that you must write 3 things you are grateful for at the end of each day, you will find yourself looking for positive things in your life and the process of liking/loving yourself can begin.
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