Jamie123

My first thread here. Last night I ended the relationship w/ my 1 year to almost the date with my boyfriend/neighbor. I had never threatened to leave, but I thought about it. Things started out fun and exciting - then my first sign was how selfish he was. I noticed early on that he liked his rum & diet coke, as well as marijuana. As months went on, he put drinking before me but I didn't see that. (I am not sure how I didn't see it!) I do know that I made excuses in my head. I think what hurt the most was the lack of intimacy (both in late 30's). I would talk about lack of intimacy and his selfishness, and he would tell me things would get better, but they never did. It didn't dawn on me until this past Saturday night that all of the hurt, pain, confusion, and loneliness was rooted in alcoholism. We would talk off-the-cuff at times on how much he drank, but never talked seriously about it. He comes from a long line of alcoholics, including his father. What is different about my situation is that on my walk home Saturday night crying and my "aha" moment came, I decided not to let him have a chance to get help with me staying in the picture. I decided I would let him go. He has been using drugs and alcohol for 25 years straight. Yesterday I went to his house and talked about how his first love is alcohol (as he was drinking rum) and I / our relationship would never be first. Like other people on here have said -- they were shocked that the other person didn't offer to get help. None of that came out of his mouth. I took my stuff and left.
NOW I will have to see him all of the time. He owns a home one house from mine.. we can see each others backyards. And no, I cannot afford to build a fence or move.

Nd819

I'm sorry about what you are going through, I can only imagine how difficult it is having him so close. I do believe you are doing the right thing, you deserve so much better better. It doesn't sound like he has any interest in giving up his first love and even if he did it seems to be a long difficult road for the alcoholic and their loved ones. As I am sure you have read through the forum that so many of us have hung on for years and years hoping for change only to be in the same place. Good luck ((hugs)).

dandylion

Jamie, I know it must be hard to be soo close while you are grieving the loss of the kind of relationship that you wanted. This is the down side of being in a relationship with someone who is in your own territory. I learned this the hard way---that it is risky to date anyone that one works with. It becomes really--really uncomfortable when you have to see them everyday in the workplace. My suggestion that might help a little bit----don't look out your back windows--close the blinds---and use the front of your house--the front yard---to be in the outdoors. Also, don't drive by the front of his house, if you can find another entrance to your home.