Mind Games?

Old 05-11-2020, 09:42 PM
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Mind Games?

We're getting ready to go and see our families, especially my mom who's not been well. While we wait for local restrictions to be lifted, we're getting our travel trailer ready to go. AH had quit drinking for about a month, (he's been a heavy drinker mostly beer sometimes vodka, for over 45 years) the last few weeks he drinks on and off, sometimes a lot, but most days just a couple of beer, some days not at all. He says this proves he's not an alcoholic. Anyway while checking the trailer he found out the furnace wasn't working and we were in the trailer taking a look to see if it was a fuse or something. He went outside and turned on the propane because the furnace needs it to work. I smelled propane in the trailer a few minutes later and said that I did, and left the trailer. I am terrified of propane because of an explosion I witnessed as a child, and he knows it. He said yes, it smells like propane because I just turned the tank on and I said no, it smells like It's inside the trailer. A minute later he says It's fine, it was just because a stove burner was turned on, It's off now you can come back in. I said why is a burner on, he said he didn't know, he didn't touch it. We had people stay in the trailer a few months ago, he said they must have left a burner on. Which makes no sense, because I remember that the propane was turned off after they left, if a burner was left on we would have known then, as there is a sensor and alarm. The burners have to be pushed in and turned, you can't bump them accidentally on. So my anxiety, paranoia wonders if this is a stupid prank to scare me. My practical side wonders if, even though he's not actually been drunk for several days and as far as I know had not had a drink yet at that point, could his brain be alcohol-injured so that he has forgotten that he turned the burner on? Do they just lie for the fun of it?
He has tried to scare me before, stupid things like showing me an animal track and trying to tell me it was a bear track when it was very obviously a horse! (I'd had a close encounter with a bear on the trail not too long before that prank).
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Old 05-12-2020, 06:04 PM
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I'm not sure what to make of the propane thing, seems like a pretty twisted joke if that was his intention. I will say that I am finding that alcoholics can be masters at hiding and covering up their drinking, maybe he is drunk and you just can't tell?
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Old 05-12-2020, 07:00 PM
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Ach---that sounds horrible---and dangerous. I think it is actually cruel and abusive---to deliberately get fun out of emotionally torturing you. Your misery becomes his entertainment.I can see how this would erode trust in an intimate partner. Without trust in your closest relationship----what have you really got?I my experience, trust and respect are the basic foundations of a marriage or friendship.I, also, suspect that he may be drinking and hiding it from you. They become very skilled at that.
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Old 05-13-2020, 09:41 AM
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He can drink a lot before it shows, so It's very probable that I wouldn't know if he's drinking and hiding it. As much as I want an explanation for what the heck that was all about, I'm trying to let it go and just take the lessons from it - I don't trust him and I do know from experience that he likes to wind people up, he has tried to scare me ... It's just a mess. Drunk, bully, I don't know, but this is not a healthy place for me.
When we go to visit our families, I have told him that I am going to stay and look for work there so that I can be close to my mom. He is planning to come back to his job here, so if that works out I should have some space and peace to figure out my next steps.
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Old 05-13-2020, 11:18 AM
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I'm glad you are looking for a job elsewhere.<div>If he in fact did try to scare you it's not really a prank is it?&nbsp; It's intentionally cruel.&nbsp; People that like to "wind" someone up - I stay well away from them.&nbsp; Enjoying the discomfort of someone else is just - mean.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>
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Old 05-13-2020, 12:41 PM
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Could be as simple as someone cleaning the stove and accidentally turning on the burner(happens all time when cleaning my kitchen gas stove) since the gas was turned off at the tank no one would have known without seeing the burner knob,until the tank valve was turned back to the on position. I normally always leave my BBQ grill tank valve in the on position. Last weekend I put a new/full propane tank in and grilled out once..all burners were in the off position/tank valve left on(like I've done for years)...came out a couple days later to preheat the grill... zero propane left in the new tank. Apparently my grills knobs are no longer fully shutting off....no biggie.. I'll simply turn off the gas at the tank from here forward.


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Old 05-13-2020, 09:48 PM
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I'm the one that does the cleaning so I know without a doubt that it wasn't a cleaning accident. The guys who slept in the trailer last fall didn't use the kitchen it was just a place to sleep.
I guess I have just so often seen him winding people up - he had our adult daughter frustrated to the point of tears one day with his jabbing at her, and he was very obviously having fun - so it's easy for me to believe he's capable of pulling a stunt like this and he'd just think he was hilarious.
I didn't recognize his drinking as being a life-long problem, I always thought he'd one day grow up. Then I found this forum, and read stories and recognized so many of his behaviours - like drinking a 6 pack before going out to party with his friends. Like not wanting to do anything that didn't involve drinking. I thought that maybe his bullying and temper was because of his drinking. Now I don't know and I'm tired of trying to figure out what is wrong. I'm tired of feeling scared. I just want some peace.
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Old 05-13-2020, 11:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Achnasheen View Post
I'm the one that does the cleaning so I know without a doubt that it wasn't a cleaning accident. The guys who slept in the trailer last fall didn't use the kitchen it was just a place to sleep.
I guess I have just so often seen him winding people up - he had our adult daughter frustrated to the point of tears one day with his jabbing at her, and he was very obviously having fun - so it's easy for me to believe he's capable of pulling a stunt like this and he'd just think he was hilarious.
I didn't recognize his drinking as being a life-long problem, I always thought he'd one day grow up. Then I found this forum, and read stories and recognized so many of his behaviours - like drinking a 6 pack before going out to party with his friends. Like not wanting to do anything that didn't involve drinking. I thought that maybe his bullying and temper was because of his drinking. Now I don't know and I'm tired of trying to figure out what is wrong. I'm tired of feeling scared. I just want some peace.
​​​​​​Okay. What's your next positive step to get away from his nonsense then?
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Old 05-14-2020, 06:40 AM
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Originally Posted by DontRemember View Post
​​​​​​Okay. What's your next positive step to get away from his nonsense then?
Well, like I said I couple posts up, I've told him I am staying with my family and looking for work while he returns here.
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Old 05-14-2020, 07:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Achnasheen View Post
Well, like I said I couple posts up, I've told him I am staying with my family and looking for work while he returns here.
Oh nice! I missed that part. Time apart was needed for me to see what I couldn't while living day-day with my now exAgf.
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