PeaceManic

I'd love to know it. I'm 35 halfway to death, thankfully. and I am autistic as hell, but I think I'm genetically predisposed to drinking.

Like I'm fairly sure I'm ultra sensitive so want dull it. Sobriety won't do it, when we enjoy being drunk we enjoy a break from reality. I'm trying medtation because reality is awful

sugarbear1

Letting go of ego and having friends to be around. Fully human interactions. Being useful to others.
That is my answer to my alcoholism.

doggonecarl

Seek less the reasons you drink and more the solutions to alcoholism.

nez

You might be but that doesn't mean you have to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your choices are the major contributor to your future.

That is one of the major reasons why I turned to drink and became an alcoholic. In recovery I have learned to dull my ultra sensitivity so that it is now non-existent.

To me meditation is reality to the max. It is all the extraneous non-real distractions created by my head that are not reality. An example of one of those distractions is when my head tells me "This sucks!"

The answer to my alcoholism was recovery. Recovery is addressing the problems that make me think that alcohol is the solution to those problems. I was sober for 5 years but did nothing to address the problems that made think alcohol was the solution to those problems, but all that did was to take away the only solution to those problems that I knew, even though it wasn't a real solution. As a consequence I returned to drinking because "This sucks!". Recovery (17 years now) has shown me real solutions to "This sucks!"

I can relate to you very much and know the vicious wringer cycle of alcoholism. All I can say is that I want your suffering to end and that recovery will deliver. Recovery is the best hard thing I have ever done but so worth it!

brighterday1234

The answer is written in the book Alcoholics Anonymous. Of course that is only one answer but it absolutely works. You can take the principles from the AA program and principles from elsewhere if needed and work your own program of recovery. The essentials in order for this to work are honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. Of course total abstinence from alcohol is essential. Change is what is required; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Daily contact with recovery and those in it is also essential in my experience. SR is great for this as is AA.

Coz

Hi PeaceManic
I joined SR at the same time as you did and was doing well until I had similar thoughts to you: "Sobriety is not dulling my need to escape my thoughts, feelings and perceived responsibilities". So I started drinking again, which was not a smart idea - all the reasons that I wanted to stop came flooding back.
Great that you are trying to find other ways to 'escape' (i.e. meditation).
There are some really great threads to read that also helped me know that this initial battle and questioning on whether to continue to kill myself with drink or work through the finding a new way to deal with creating a new and better me. One thread that springs to mind is called "it gets better" - please hunt it out and have a read. It helps me.
You know that you are not alone in your thinking and struggle with alcohol. Stick around, read and post your thoughts. It is a great way to distract yourself when you are feeling low and to get support to know that you have company and lots of people that understand.
I have again made the choice to take the sober train and holding onto the concept that it will get better and I can find other ways to escape my 'stress and insecurity'.
Reach out here or anywhere that suits you best.

TimeNeedsTime

Answer yourself first and ask this.
What reality are you trying to escape from?
Is it yourself perhaps?
also what is your idea of reality? Is it different to the rest of the world?
I want to type more but it would be speculation so I will hold back until you reply.
I knew an Egyptian once, he liked to fish an awful lot. His wife was always saying to him that he was always in De Nile. This woman knew more than she gave herself credit for.
I hope this makes some sense?

Dee74

Hey PeaceManic
I genuinely believed I was too sensitive to live my life without drinking.

I thought I was fundamentally personality wise ill equipped to deal with the depth and breadth of feeling I sometimes had, and the only way to deal with those moments was to numb myself with drink.

When I nearly killed myself drinking I had no choice but to live another way - and to my immense shock I found that I was strong enough to deal with feelings, even uncomfortable ones, and although I'm still sensitive I've no need to numb myself out anymore.

I'd allowed my addiction to convince me I was unable to function without drinking but the truth was just the opposite.

My capacity for dealing with hard times was and is much much greater than I thought it was - all I needed to do was give myself a chance.

It took a little while to undo the 20-30 year conditioning I had, but as long as I stayed sober I was on the right track.

I think you are more powerful than you know, PM - maybe now is a great time to put the booze down for good, accept that you are capable and worthy of living life like others experience it, and embrace that power?
D

Mamatembo

Hugs.

There are reasons to drink, or we would not do it.

It helps me to concentrate on the reasons to not drink. There are many. I know when you are in the dark place it's hard to see them, but try to find just one and hold on to that as hard as possible. It helps me.
​​​​

Misssy2

I would seek the relief of a psychiatrist there may be medication that takes your "mental pain" away that is safer than alcohol.

TimeNeedsTime

Hello Missy.
It may be true that some meds can take away the mental pain but in all honesty all it does is bury the problem more out of reach than it was to begin with.
Look, I know from personal experience that when you delve into the workings of your mind it can be like opening pandoras box. I wasnt impressed by what I found at all. Me and my mother had a very strained relationship to say the least, but dealing with it, exploring suggestions that may have caused it, helped me not only understnd my mother better but understanding the person I was formed to be and the person who I became.
Id recommend at least trying to deal with the issues at hand before going down the pill route. I was 3-4 years sober before I went seeking mild meds for depression ( totally normal in early recovery ). But this was 2 years after my treatment and aftercare programme. Of course this is only my personal experience and I know only two well that we are all different in our needs in recovery but I would recommend to anyone to at least try to deal with things with a clear mind first.
Oh and missy this message isnt for you or anyone in particular. Im just throwing my two bobs worth into the ring for the OP to have a good mull over.

Dee74

Thanks for sharing your experience TimeNeedsTime.
My experience has been that anti depressants have helped me immensely - in fact they helped save my life.
For me it's not about 'burying the problem' - its about attaining a quality of life many people take for granted.
My depression is life long.
At 50 plus I'm ok with the idea it will be with me for the duration.
It's not something I can move beyond, but it is the least its ever been.
Recovery has a lot to do with that but so do my anti-ds.
I''m fine with people sharing their experience and I appreciate the caveats you added but please watch the tendency to universalise yours.

D

TimeNeedsTime

Hi Dee, well I did say........ Of course this is only my personal experience and I know only two well that we are all different in our needs in recovery but I would recommend to anyone to at least try to deal with things with a clear mind first.

I hope this clears it up. Also what is ' Universalise '? Never heard of that word before, what does in mean?

Dee74

pretty much what it sounds like TimeNeedsTime - to project ones experience or opinion into some kind of universal truth.
I appreciate you had a couple of sentences that noted this was your experience - but recommending people don't try meds because they simply 'bury the problem' is the kind of blanket statement none of us is qualified to make.
I have no idea if the OP is considering meds or not, so I'll leave it there.
D