I really hate feeling my feelings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 146
I really hate feeling my feelings
Ive been out for a while. Im on day 82 and things are going really well for the most part. All the physical stuff is falling into place and things are great with my family.
BUT!
I am finding myself so frustrated with feeling my feelings. Im terrified of feeling them in my body and having to be with them. It is the only thing that triggers my urge to drink currently. Things can be going perfectly well and Ill remember something I did or said or happened to me and just spin out into what feels like lite doomnot as bad as the first 12 days DT doom but its up there.
Im venting I guess. My therapist keeps saying things like feel your feelings and Im not sure how much crying that all entails or if I know when Im done. I dont know where Im going with this but Im quite frankly pissed off that I made it to 30 without knowing how to appropriately processes a feeling. I dont know if this is just being so early in sobriety, covid or my little ducked up self. Probably all three.
Could use some insight, but this is random and scattered and I just want to get it outside of my body.
BUT!
I am finding myself so frustrated with feeling my feelings. Im terrified of feeling them in my body and having to be with them. It is the only thing that triggers my urge to drink currently. Things can be going perfectly well and Ill remember something I did or said or happened to me and just spin out into what feels like lite doomnot as bad as the first 12 days DT doom but its up there.
Im venting I guess. My therapist keeps saying things like feel your feelings and Im not sure how much crying that all entails or if I know when Im done. I dont know where Im going with this but Im quite frankly pissed off that I made it to 30 without knowing how to appropriately processes a feeling. I dont know if this is just being so early in sobriety, covid or my little ducked up self. Probably all three.
Could use some insight, but this is random and scattered and I just want to get it outside of my body.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 146
Originally Posted by Be123 
Oh my goodness, youve just described exactly what I'm going through. I'm on day 74 and the stuff about not knowing how to deal with, manage, understand feelings is absolutely spot on
Right? No wonder I drank so much.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,424
The anxiety/stress/resentment/fear/guilt were all big contributors in keeping me locked in to my cycle of drinking. Trying to stay sober was an excercise in futility until I began to let go the emotional baggage, which was an emotional process in itself. It's still a work in progress, and may always be.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Scattered. Intense.
Yup. That about covers it...Well, of course that doesn't cover all of it, but I think we've all been there. I cried for a solid month. Seriously. If anyone said the word, "You," to me, I cried because I knew I was about to have to go on defense. I felt like I was always trying to be one step ahead and had to sort everything out right away. I couldn't just sit with any feelings. They were too THERE.
It does get a lot better. My nervous system settled down quite a bit at about 90 days, and then at about 8-9 months I felt suddenly at peace - but it's normal for all people to be triggered by stuff, it's just letting it flow in and flow out - not Engaging With It. Takes time, maybe some meditation practice.
And then there's Covid. I'm six years plus into sobriety and I'm having trouble with the upheaval this is causing and will continue to cause for all of us. You're not alone there, either.
Yup. That about covers it...Well, of course that doesn't cover all of it, but I think we've all been there. I cried for a solid month. Seriously. If anyone said the word, "You," to me, I cried because I knew I was about to have to go on defense. I felt like I was always trying to be one step ahead and had to sort everything out right away. I couldn't just sit with any feelings. They were too THERE.
It does get a lot better. My nervous system settled down quite a bit at about 90 days, and then at about 8-9 months I felt suddenly at peace - but it's normal for all people to be triggered by stuff, it's just letting it flow in and flow out - not Engaging With It. Takes time, maybe some meditation practice.
And then there's Covid. I'm six years plus into sobriety and I'm having trouble with the upheaval this is causing and will continue to cause for all of us. You're not alone there, either.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 184
Originally Posted by prettiekittie
. My therapist keeps saying things like feel your feelings and Im not sure how much crying that all entails or if I know when Im done. I dont know where Im going with this but Im quite frankly pissed off that I made it to 30 without knowing how to appropriately processes a feeling. I dont know if this is just being so early in sobriety, covid or my little ducked up self. Probably all three.
Could use some insight, but this is random and scattered and I just want to get it outside of my body.
Could use some insight, but this is random and scattered and I just want to get it outside of my body.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,408
A huge part of recovery is learning to sit with your feeling/emotions and learning to accept them. Also working through and addressing any underlying issues which may be causing unpleasant feelings/emotions to surface. Get as much help from as many sources as possible is my experience.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I can certainly relate. I drink to numb feelings and emotions. I often feel completely hopeless.
I recently saw a picture that was posted on Reddit. An amateur astrophotographer had captured a 50 hour time-lapse of the night sky. With the camera/technology he was using the image showed distant galaxies that the human eye can't see. I looked at this picture and thought how insignificant we all are. Just a web of cells on a rock hurtling through space. All of a sudden, my problems just don't seem so important. Anxiety gone......
I recently saw a picture that was posted on Reddit. An amateur astrophotographer had captured a 50 hour time-lapse of the night sky. With the camera/technology he was using the image showed distant galaxies that the human eye can't see. I looked at this picture and thought how insignificant we all are. Just a web of cells on a rock hurtling through space. All of a sudden, my problems just don't seem so important. Anxiety gone......
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
Very excellent thread! I too used alcohol to numb anxiety and sadness, then would get panic attacks if I didn’t drink. Vicious cycle!And yes, this Covid virus is making it worse. All the comments from my friends and family on social media about FUN day drinking, “quarantine-inis” etc. don’t help either. But drinking would make it worse so hang on.It WILL GET BETTER, Kitty! 82 days is WONDERFUL!!
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,588
Exactly what I'm experiencing at the moment Kittie. It is very challenging but for the first time I know it is the the only way forward. This time I'm prepared to accept it. To drink now would destroy me.
Keep going Kittie we are all in the same boat, but at least now I have a rudder.
Keep going Kittie we are all in the same boat, but at least now I have a rudder.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
From Untamed by Glennon Doyle:
"Its okay to feel all of the stuff youre feeling. Youre just becoming human again. Youre not doing life wrong; youre doing it right. If theres any secret youre missing, its that doing it right is just really hard. Feeling all your feelings is hard, but thats what theyre for. Feelings are for feeling. All of them. Even the hard ones. The secret is that youre doing it right, and that doing it right hurts sometimes.
"Its okay to feel all of the stuff youre feeling. Youre just becoming human again. Youre not doing life wrong; youre doing it right. If theres any secret youre missing, its that doing it right is just really hard. Feeling all your feelings is hard, but thats what theyre for. Feelings are for feeling. All of them. Even the hard ones. The secret is that youre doing it right, and that doing it right hurts sometimes.
luring sobriety this way with my lucky charm
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: California
Posts: 738
Honestly this is the only thing I struggle with past day 1. Feeling my feelings. I've never been a daily drinker and can easily go a week or two without a drink, but then I'll eventually have a binge if I tell myself I can be moderate. I've had 30 days here and there, but then I feel stressed so go right out and have a binge.
I've had therapists tell me that I might not be an alcoholic but someone with a drinking problem who has an unhealthy method of coping. I've been advised by two different therapists that I can only address this by stopping for at least six months, and more preferably for an entire year. Then and only then would I know if I am an alcoholic if I'm one of those magical unicorns who can eventually drink moderately on special occasions, according to them.
I've been in therapy for years. Not being able to appropriately address feelings or cope is apparently an issue with people across the entire spectrum of substance abuse and addiction, including things like binge eating or sex addiction.
I've had therapists tell me that I might not be an alcoholic but someone with a drinking problem who has an unhealthy method of coping. I've been advised by two different therapists that I can only address this by stopping for at least six months, and more preferably for an entire year. Then and only then would I know if I am an alcoholic if I'm one of those magical unicorns who can eventually drink moderately on special occasions, according to them.
I've been in therapy for years. Not being able to appropriately address feelings or cope is apparently an issue with people across the entire spectrum of substance abuse and addiction, including things like binge eating or sex addiction.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
It took me a long time to undo a 20 year fear of feelings. Not 20 years but a few months.
The more I felt the more I learned feelings had nothing to scare me with.
I hope you'll find the same prettiekittie - and remember you're not alone. Post here any time - as much as you need to
D
The more I felt the more I learned feelings had nothing to scare me with.
I hope you'll find the same prettiekittie - and remember you're not alone. Post here any time - as much as you need to
D
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by prettiekittie
Ive been out for a while. Im on day 82 and things are going really well for the most part. All the physical stuff is falling into place and things are great with my family.
BUT!
I am finding myself so frustrated with feeling my feelings. Im terrified of feeling them in my body and having to be with them. It is the only thing that triggers my urge to drink currently. Things can be going perfectly well and Ill remember something I did or said or happened to me and just spin out into what feels like lite doomnot as bad as the first 12 days DT doom but its up there.
Im venting I guess. My therapist keeps saying things like feel your feelings and Im not sure how much crying that all entails or if I know when Im done. I dont know where Im going with this but Im quite frankly pissed off that I made it to 30 without knowing how to appropriately processes a feeling. I dont know if this is just being so early in sobriety, covid or my little ducked up self. Probably all three.
Could use some insight, but this is random and scattered and I just want to get it outside of my body.
BUT!
I am finding myself so frustrated with feeling my feelings. Im terrified of feeling them in my body and having to be with them. It is the only thing that triggers my urge to drink currently. Things can be going perfectly well and Ill remember something I did or said or happened to me and just spin out into what feels like lite doomnot as bad as the first 12 days DT doom but its up there.
Im venting I guess. My therapist keeps saying things like feel your feelings and Im not sure how much crying that all entails or if I know when Im done. I dont know where Im going with this but Im quite frankly pissed off that I made it to 30 without knowing how to appropriately processes a feeling. I dont know if this is just being so early in sobriety, covid or my little ducked up self. Probably all three.
Could use some insight, but this is random and scattered and I just want to get it outside of my body.
Dodes postulates that all addictions are caused by one intolerable emotion: Helplessness. When you feel overwhelmingly helpless, you feel trapped powerless and lacking control. Substance abuse (or any addictive behavior) is an attempt to reverse that feeling, escape the trap if you will.
I think he is spot on. I know in my life, social anxiety made me feel emotionally helpless, trapped and out of control. I felt in control when I would drink. Not physically or intellectually in control but emotionally I felt in control, in that I no longer felt as helpless. I had escaped the trap. He goes on to show that there are other more direct healthy ways to empower oneself and reverse feelings of helplessness.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 354
Yep. Feelings. So many feelings! Going through the same thing myself. I think the first thing is to acknowledge and accept them. That doesn't mean you have to like having them, in fact some can be painful to work through. But as difficult as it is, working through them is infinitely better than drowning them, because they're just going to be there tomorrow. Has taken me too many years to accept that!
Thanks to CRHHCC for book mention - there's something in that resonates, although I feel uncomfortable admitting it (which is a sure sign that it's worth exploring further).
Thanks to CRHHCC for book mention - there's something in that resonates, although I feel uncomfortable admitting it (which is a sure sign that it's worth exploring further).
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