Orchid1

Welp here I am, drunk after attempt at sobriety. I'm beginning to think I may not be able to. I am such a weakling. How can I even succeed when I cant even pass 7 days this time 2. I rented a hotel room tonight, it is so peaceful, I contemplated buying another bottle but honestly I just wanted to post here. I asked for a room without any neighbors because I know its going to be a crying night. I am so consumed anD lost and weak. At this moment the world just feels sonseparate from where I am.

Orchid1

I went back and read my old posts, thank you all for you wisdom, I did not get a chance to say it to all :-)

Orchid1

I'll be back

Coz

Hi OrchidI hear you - it is an awful beast to beat. I was so strong on my first try, but didn't make it. Finding this next try challenging too.Great that you have a nice quiet place to start again - do what you need to do get through a day, and then two days and then forever.Keep posting - you can get through this.

BeckoningCat

Please keep posting. I wish you all the best in your recovery.

EndGameNYC

Sometimes it seems the more difficult thing to treat ourselves with tender loving care than to challenge years- or decades-long beliefs that we take for granted.

You don't need to build a case against your ability to get sober. Like it or not, the fact that you're able to reach out for help indicates that you have a willingness to change, which is always hard work.

Learning to treat yourself with kindness and compassion is never a bad place to start.

Be123

Hi Orchid. I'm on day 69 so obviously haven't got that long sober experience, but I have plenty of failing-at-stopping experience.

Keep at it. None of us are good at ANYTHING straight away, anything worth it's salt takes practice. I'm on try number 300 and this time I've found it much different, easier and have more hope.

Its a tricky balance - I don't want to say 'Any sober time is good practice' as it sounds like letting people off the hook (that sneaky AV saying 'Well you've done well and practised, have a drink and you'll get it right next time'!).

But at the same time don't write off your attempts and experience. It only takes ONE time and you'll be sober forever.

I hate it because it's such a cliche but it is so true and also so applicable to everything else in my life: If you don't take a drink at this very moment, you will never drink again'. It's so simple and yet so profound and works not only for alcohol but all the troubles life throws at me

Surrendered19

I am sorry you are struggling Orchid. A dreadful feeling. Here is why I want you to keep trying, even if it is only for 2 or 3 days at a time - you are still trying to quit because you want to, and not because you have to. I have read many devastating stories on SR and in other forums of people who are forced to quit because of being imprisoned or dying. I was forced to quit because I was knock knock knockin' on heaven's door. So, do it now Orchid, while there is still some free will on your part. It is so much more meaningful when you give yourself the gift of health. I wish I had quit on my own but lost decades to this thing instead.

Keep trying Orchid. We are all with you.

Anna

Hi Orchid, Have faith that you can do this.

When I relapsed, it affected my mental health and made me feel so miserable. This gave the alcohol a greater hold on me. Try to begin to forgive yourself and to have faith that you are able to stop drinking. Don't let the alcohol mess with your mind.

nez

Have you ever watched a baby learning to walk? I love to watch it. They shakily stand up and then they take a few precarious drunken sailor steps before "plop" they are on their butt. They then proceed to roll onto their knees and work their way into a standing position to attempt this new thing once again. They don't sit there dejected after their first attempt telling themselves that they are weak miserable failures that are never going to get this walking thing.

Babies haven't learned fear. Babies don't judge themselves. Babies believe in their abilities to learn this new thing. Babies have it over adults in so many ways. Learn from babies. They learn to walk. You can learn to live sober!

stickyone

Don't think of it as a fail think of it as it didn't work that way. Now try to figure out what happened along the way and try something new. That really stuck with me as someone told me, I tend to be a 2 week program and I'm trying to change that. Today is my beginning of day 7 for me. Have a great day

SeaSlug

HI there
I am early days and have tried to quit before. I can relate to your struggles.
What Anna said above really resonated with me. Alcohol really changes the way you think, your perceptions, and your physicality. It is hard to break free because of both the mental and physical components.
What is different for me now is that I truly can't handle the mental and physical components anymore. I knew this day would come and that my lifestyle was not sustainable. I think that one can only have a certain number of drinks in their lifetime - well I used them all up and more. I've got to get out. The person that I want to be is being replaced by another more toxic version of myself.
Hang in there and post here and ask for help. This is a hard drug to deal with but so many here have broken free and they want to help.

Orchid1

I'm almost at 24hrs since my last drink. I decided to get a piano, a hobby I can focus on to help fill the hole created by removing a habit that has been apart of me for more than a decade, read my bible for beginning to end and get back to running.
I was too drunk last night to honestly remember what triggered it, it was a decent day nothing bad, though as I write this I think it maybe because of that. I've been through some stressful days and decided I did not want to be inebriated in anyway, focused all my mental prep of not drinking on bad days but I ignored medium days so the AV just crept up and I had no defenses. Just a theory anyway, I may remember why I drank this time as my mind clears. I did tell my BF I got very sad last night and it just happens sometimes so that today I dint have to fake being in the best mood or having the highest energy levels.
Thank you for your words, it was good to read them when I came to.

Dee74

I really didn't need a trigger by the end - anything could be a trigger cos I let it be a trigger.
D

nez

LOL. I was just sitting trying to figure out if everything was a trigger or if nothing was a trigger, when you figured it out for me. Yeah what Dee said! :~)

Orchid1

Just got the piano, nothing fancy and will do for now. I must say though as I was driving to go get it my cravings hit and now as I sit in my car before heading home it is definitely getting stronger. I will use a different way to get back and avoid all the places I usually by wine.

Mamatembo

Wishing for extra strength for you tonight, orchid.

Hugs. Keep posting.

On The Road

Hi Orchid
Just know it took me many attempts to quit - mostly because I wasn’t committed to it. When I finally listened to the voice in my head that had been telling me for years to stop booze, it made it a lot easier. It’s your turn now. Â Keep at it - if I can do it so can you!

Hevyn

Orchid - I felt hopeless and desperate just before quitting for the last time. I was so angry with myself - fed up and exhausted. I'd had enough of being foggy & numb. That feeling led to my 12 yrs. of sobriety. I never picked up again. Therefore, I know you can do it this time. We are with you.