itsmaria

Can anyone recommend a good book to read about alcoholism or staying sober? Anything other than the AA book....I would like something to read, I think partly to educate myself on alcohol addiction and partly to learn how to cope.
Also- so I attended my second meeting of AA online. One was agnostic, one wasn't. Both - I probably gained from in different ways. But I have some questions....is it normal to feel ambivalent? Like I found it helpful and I didn't drink yesterday but the thought of making a long term commitment to not drinking. It feels overwhelming and I don't think I can. And I am ambivalent about whether I need to or not. Are a lot of people like that in AA when they start? Or any recovery?

All I can say is I am going hour by hour and day by day and trying my best. I made it through yesterday and that is good. This is the first time in like 2 years of thinking about that I've tried meetings so surely that is positive even if I'm still struggling with it?

A lot of things from the meeting made me think. People say oh when you quit drinking, you can have a great life, connect with people better. I feel like I don't believe that. I've never believed that about myself. I've always had a lot of difficulty connecting with people (I have a complex case of PTSD). and sometimes I drink bc I am alone/lonely. I am very isolated.

At the same time- it is true that maybe I shut people out and don't give people a chance so I can drink.

In terms of coping- I have a list of things to do to help me cope/not drink and it works sometimes and sometimes it doesn't. I write sometimes and I was thinking of getting a notebook specifically to write not only about cravings to drink, but also about what works and insights I get about it because I feel like I learn things about how/when I drink, things I can do to avoid it, and then I forget and I'm just staying in one place with it if that makes sense.

Thanks for reading. A lot of things came up yesterday and I'm just trying to digest it.

biminiblue

I think early days are just very jumbled in general. Thoughts tumble around and are hard to "catch." Obviously alcohol isn't that fun for you any more or you wouldn't be investigating this site and AA. I would suggest you sit down and write out your story (for yourself, not us necessarily) and do a timeline about your experience. How it started, all the poor choices you made, the things that happened while you were under the influence, etc. If you are here, drinking has caused you pain and suffering. I hope you'll make the decision to quit completely. It is so much better in every way to not drink.

Keep going to meetings.

"Living Sober," is good, "This Naked Mind," there's a book list. "This Naked Mind" has a good podcast, too.


Book List: Scroll down for the ones on Recovery:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ependence.html (Books on Recovery, Spirituality & Codependence)

GeoGo

itsmaria,
I enjoyed reading "Sober for Good" by Anne M. FletcherShe looks at a wide variety of approaches that people took to stay sober.Google Books
I'm only about a month into this myself, so can't profess to know a lot personally about staying sober for long periods, but can share that by keeping busy with things that aren't too intense (job, cleaning, fixing, tinkering around the house), that I've been able to keep preoccupied and not think too much about drinking.
Good luck.

Sober369

Books have made such a difference for me. There is a list on this site of all the best books, I think it's managed by Anna. Some amazing books are on there! My favorite so far is "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober". It's her story, but mostly about her recovery, only the first chapter or two have her drinking.
I also got a lot out of Alcohol Explained, and I still read both of those books a lot.
Now, I am reading Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now again. It's not directly about recovery, but it helps me a lot.
Happy reading!

itsmaria

Thanks very much for all the suggestions. I completely missed the book list.

Anna

It IS a great book list, compiled from all our members' recommendations.
I think it's true that sometimes something works and other times it just doesn't. Hopefully you can have enough ideas/tools so that if something doesn't work, you can try something else.
Stopping drinking won't give you a great life. What it will give you is self-respect and ability to live the best life you can. Life will always have ups and downs and being sober won't change that. But, you will be able to cope much better when you are sober.

RecklessDrunk

I remember one of the guys from my first meeting told me he literally cried when he figured out he wasn't going to be able to drink anymore. This idea was definitely a bomb for me too.
I was head over heels in love with alcohol from aged 14 to 41. I was in serious trouble and I was mentally broken. The day by day was easier than I thought possible, probably because I suddenly felt closer to God then I thought possible. I tried not to focus on long term concerning drinking. So you think you may drink in a few years, ok, what does that have to do with staying sober tonight? Dont drink tonight because of your fears and doubts about the future. You can only control today.
I confessed to my sponsor early on. I'm like I'll be honest, I am totally committed to staying sober for my court case and I think I'd be better off if i stayed sober after court and beyond. But i gotta tell ya, someday if i live to be old I think I going to want to drink. He would say that's fine, you can drink when you're an old man, just stay sober today.
Getting back to prayer I think I understand what happens. No matter what you think God is or what your religion. When you connect with that higher power I think you're being totally honest with yourself. Your filling your mind and spirit with the truth. The truth is you dont want to drink, not today. At least if not drinking is your truth. If you're posting here it's likely the truth that lies deep in your soul or spirit. You want to stay sober but this obsession seems to bust through your true desire (sobriety) at times. I think prayer kind of keeps our true desires in the front of our minds.

Dee74

I know you said not the Big Book, but I found the members stories part good helpful reading, then I went back and read all the other stuff.
I'm an 'AAer' but its a remarkably readable book.
D

Derringer

"the thought of making a long term commitment to not drinking. It feels overwhelming and I don't think I can. And I am ambivalent about whether I need to or not. Are a lot of people like that in AA when they start? Or any recovery?"
Yes lots of people are like that at the start.
It depends really how you react to sobriety.
You might find it enjoyable and easier than you thought it might have been.
That being the case you might even enjoy it so much that the thought of never drinking again becomes something you are quite at ease with.
In my experience, about a third of people with a drink problem are like that.

Tetrax

Ambivalence is definitely normal! A good way to look at it is well you've tried the drunk route and it didn't work out so you may as well give this a good go to see what could happen for you? Just thinking about milestones and not forever helped me too. Books can be good - I responded well to David Foster Wallace's epic novel 'Infinite Jest' but it is a tough read (it took me five months in my first year sober). I'm also a fan of James Frey and some of the memoirs like Caroline Knapp's 'Drinking: A Love Story', self-help ones like Allen Carr's, scientific ones like Gabor Mate's 'In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts' and spirituality-based ones like Eckhart Tolle's 'The Power of Now'.

itsmaria

Tetrax is that Bojack? Love Bojack Horseman.
Okay so I started looking at some books. I wanted to get Living Sober but I can't get a copy right now- the e copies don't work on my device and I don't want to order from Amazon at the moment with the shutdown which is still in full swing here.

So I just started with the next one on the list and I looked up a Naked Mind and they have a 30 day challenge of not drinking and some exercises and stuff so I signed up for that. Today is Day 1 for me.

I feel like I can commit to 30 days and then take it from there. Not thinking ahead.

It feels like a relief to make a commitment. I'm so tired of drinking. I'm not so foolish to think I will feel like this in the coming days. Day 1 is always easy. It's Day 5 and 6 and 9 and 10 and on and on. But making the commitment is a start, and it's a commitment I'm making to myself for myself.

Sohard

You MUST read This Naked Mind. It changed my life. 363 days sober today.

Tetrax

It sure is! Good luck on your journey

Zebra1275

I purchased and read many books from Amazon when I was first getting sober, too many to remember.

If you have a Kindle, you can have a book to read immediately without having to leave your house. Check out Amazon.

Berrybean

As well as reading recovery books I found it useful to listen to recovery speakers. There are lots on youtube and spotify.

bexxed

I have two top recommendations.Â
“Blackout” by Sarah Hepola is one I probably read three to five times in the early days.
“Quit Like A Woman” by Holly Whitaker is newer - it came out in January of this year - and even though I’m at 3 1/2 years sober now I was really moved reading it.Â
I also liked “Dry” “Lit” “Drinking: A Love Story” and some others.Â
A movie I liked is called “28 Days”. It’s dated but good.

itsmaria

Thanks for all the book suggestions. I'm on Day 2. I still feel committed but other than that I feel depressed kind of. yesterday I had an ice cream sundae. Too many calories but I couldn't resist.


Zebra1275 unfortunately I don't have a kindle. I just have the google bookstore on my phone.


I'm using the Naked Mind site for the 30 day challenge. I might look up another book too. Will see what's next on the list


Berrybean yeah good idea, I do like podcasts and stuff. Normally I like sports podcasts but no sports
Take care all

bexxed

Don’t worry about the ice cream sundaes. We’ve all been there. The most important thing to do is don’t drink alcohol today.

itsmaria

Day 3. Today was the first time I had a craving or wanted to drink. I use the word craving a lot, but I feel like I should start saying I wanted to drink. Craving makes it seem like something out of my control. If I say- I wanted to drink- then I can also say I want to drink but I won't.

One thing that is interesting- normally (pre-pandemic) I exercise like a fiend- run, climb stairs/hills, strength train, eat well. But then I would binge drink. So as much as I thought I prioritized health I would throw it away by drinking.
So now, the last 3 days with this commitment to not drink- I have a lot of ambivalence about my usual healthy activities is gone. Like my motivation is gone, even though usually I am always motivated.
So I think deep down I'm only partially invested in health and taking good care of myself, and drinking is the other part of me, that sabotages it and wants to keep me in one place.



The thing with drinking- I think I have a lot of feelings that alcohol buries. I knew that/have known that but it's a different thing to experience it. So the last couple days I have these moments of passing fear, like what will happen to me if I don't drink? Like I'm scared not to.
I know it's just a feeling, feelings will pass. This is just the first time I've made a commitment to not drink, and to really try to work on it and understand it in my life.

The other thing is I made a commitment to 30 days and I'm afraid I will just start drinking again in 30 days but a) I'm trying to just tell myself I will deal with that when it comes and b) even if setting a 30 day commitment to myself wasn't the best start bc it could lead to failure in 30 days, it's the most I've ever been able to do so I feel like no matter what happens it's a start in the right direction and I will learn from it.

I've been reading a bit and learning about the brain responses to alcohol and stuff and that is helping me. I never really explored it before even though I understand some of it at a very high level. But the effects are much more than I knew.
Thanks for reading.
I cant seem to make this space out properly.

Tetrax

I can definitely identify with this; I remember that feeling well. Like a kind of shock that you're gonna have to face emotions sober. Like, 'You've gotta be kidding me, right?!' But yes, these feelings are some of the first to go once you get a sober routine down. I think routine is important.