Tryharder2

Today is Day 1 again. I ruined everything yesterday while in a drunken mess. I think I am going to lose my job on Monday because of it, I said things I shouldn’t to people I shouldn’t and it must have been pretty obvious I was wasted. I drove my car when I absolutely shouldn’t have, so stupid and dangerous!!

The weight of the guilt today is crushing me and I am feeling pretty sorry for myself . I am scared that I am never going to stay sober as have had a year sober time before, learnt a lot but over the last 6 months I just can’t get back on track. Each binge is getting worse.

I’ve heard the stories of people who returned to drinking and never got out again, I am terrified I am not strong enough to get out. I don’t feel I deserve to be sober and happy.

aasharon90

Yes, you do have the right to be sober. To live a successful sober life like many do today and have over the yrs....

Read, look, listen, follow all those who have achieved success in their own recovery lives. Look to the positive and stay away from negative thing....

Look to the light, brightness, cheerful, happy, serenity.
Addiction affects many and keeps many sick until they reach for help. Just like going to the doctor when you get an illness that needs extra help you can get at home...

Go to folks that can guide you, stay connected to as you pick up helpful recovery tools and lots of informative knowledge about addiction and recovery...

Learn how addiction affects our own minds, bodies and souls. Learn a recovery program to incorporate in your own life continuously as a guideline...

Share with us what led you into recovery the first time. What happened to you to reach out for help. What did you do each day you didnt drink? What inspired you to remain sober during that time?...

Lessons are to be learned. Just like when we were in school. Some lessons are harder than others and need extra attention to them before they stick...

Take this lesson of falling back into your addiction and learn from it. Use it as another stepping stone to help you reach your own success in achieving sobriety, health, honesty, happiness and so many more of lifes rewarding gifts....

Dont take anything for granted as each little a gift to be grateful for. To cherish...

Yes, we all have our bumps in the road, but we learn how to avoid them so that we dont get flat tires...

Grab ahold of all your recovery lifelines and support and never let go of them. Add to what you are learning and build upon it to give yourself a strong solid recovery foundation to live upon for yrs to come...

Ask for help suggestions to guide you along your journey so that you can finally put your addiction to rest for good and grow and become the best person you can possibly be today moving forward.
SR support behind you with each step you take.

Dee74

Hi TryHarder
I'd focus on the many many stories of folks who turned their lives around and stayed sober.
Its a big commitment and a big change but really - is there any other real choice?
D

Reid82

Sorry to hear that you drank and the unfortunate consequences from it. You can turn things around for sure, no one is a lost cause but it will take time and work though. Best of luck.

Tryharder2

Thanks. I’m trying to work out how to do all this recovery stuff to get a different outcome and it’s tough with the lockdown situation. Finding these current times very hard to deal with, the boredom, lack of human interaction in person...and the list goes on. I seem to be concentrating on all the things I cannot do rather than what I can. I might call my GP next week, I think I might be clinically depressed or something along those lines anyhow.

C0ntr0ls

Welcome!
"I might call my GP next week" You may want to rethink the "might" part.

I'm of the belief that if a person is thinking or asking themselves something they probably should in this case.

I'm still early in my quit but have been in your shoes a many times and have lost a LOT. I didn't stop until I want my life back more then the drink.
You can do it, it just takes one sec/min/day at a time and don't have any discussions with the addictive voice [AV]. The AV will lie to you all day for free.
Good Luck!

Anna

I hope you can begin to put the guilt and shame aside, not forget it, but try to focus on the positives and what you can do today to stay sober. Each sober day will help you feel stronger and more able to deal with life.

brighterday1234

A sober life is entirely possible with support such as that found on SR and AA.

Tetrax

At least you might get meds for that at this time if you are. How did you feel when over a year sober? What made you go back? At least you know you've got it in you to get there.

TiredCarpenter

Yes. That is a big truth!

It is very good to stay close to SR and some of the other supports for drunks.

Keeps me from believing the whispered lies of the AV.

Keep up the good fight, TryHarder.

theVman31

Welcome tryharder.
You know everyones story, struggle, success, recovery, relapse etc is different authentic and unique.
One tthing is absolutely sure is you are strong enough and you do deserve to be happy and sober. Alcoholism is insanity, you can choose to commit yourself, engage here, take responsability for what happened. Put in the work. Addiction and alcoholism is irrational it's nuts. You could drink yourself to the point of having lost everything and everyone close to you but still wake up tomorrow morning looking for the bottle. Hell you could drink yourself to death and if you managed to come back from the dead guess what the first thing you would look for.

I am into my second month now after a bad 3 week relapse in march (with a car crash) Dont ever give up and one day it will be the last day 1 Vinny.

Wastinglife

I have been in your situation before. I know exactly how you feel. I destroyed my entire life. Addiction is really a medical condition, not a 'lack of willpower'.
I have been prescribed a medication that is used for a lot of conditions. Its called Gabapentin and it blocks cravings for alcohol in me
Ask a doctor about it. My GP (also an alcoholic, but sober for 30 years now)

Delilah1

I’m glad you came back today and posted. What were you doing during the year you were sober that helped you stay sober? Maybe spend some time today thinking about supports you had in place that worked, and what you can add to help.
It took me a while to finally get sobriety, and when I did the things that helped me were:-The January of 2016 class, I connected with people who were in the same spot as me when it came to committing/recommitting to recovery. I posted and read in SR daily, I still do. The 24 hour thread is another place I find really helpful even four years and four months later.
-Mindfulness: I have found staying focused on the present moment helps me be less anxious, I have struggled with this some in the current pandemic, but I am working hard to remain in the present. I cannot change the last, only learn from it, and I also cannot worry about what might happen (that’s the one I struggle with) so I work hard to remain in the present, breathing techniques help.
- Getting outdoors for a walk everyday, the combination of nature and exercise helps me relieve any stress or anxiety I may be feeling.
-Gratitude: No matter how difficult things are there is always something to be grateful for. I have used this to get me through the death of my mom, financial struggles, and losses of friends. Even if at this moment if you are sober, that is something to be grateful for, start there.Â
-Drinking is not an option, no matter what. If you still have alcohol get rid of it. If you are thinking you might drink, come back here and read your post to remind you why you do not want to. Day by day you will build those sober muscles.
You can do this, you are worth it!

Tryharder2

Appreciate all your responses. Day 1 almost over, slept on and off for most of the day and will be going to bed sober. It’s much easier to get through the first day or two as usually I feel so horrid I don’t want to drink. Day 2 onwards is where the hard part starts. Most I have had in 6 months is a 10 day stretch. Thanks for listening.

Tryharder2

Thanks Delilah, I think the year I was sober I worked hard, meditated, connected with others like me, the heavy daily depression seemed to lift, I exercised and ate better, read recovery books and all the good stuff I should do. I could blame some of this on the current climate with the virus but I was already slipping a couple of months before that. I wasn’t having regular binges or drinking everyday but I was drinking none the less, it got out of control real quick and It’s just got much much worse since lockdown.

I drink when I am depressed and I get depressed when I drink, it’s a vicious cycle. I’ll try to motivate myself to go for a walk tomorrow morning. I can even see now it’s written down the language I am using is non committal, I’ll try...I might, not I will. Part of that though is I am having a little pity party and that never helps things. I’ve kinda given up on myself all over again. But, one hour at a time is how I will get through this, a day at a time is too ambitious the way I feel right now but if I break it down to hours or even minutes hopefully the days will start to stack up.

crown86

Man I hear your pain. I have quit on and off over the years and know the drill. Way I see it you made it a year in the past you can do it again. Been there with the guilt and the shame from black-outs.
One thing that helped me this time rack 30 days was therapy, exercise, a couple sober friends and really living one day at a time. Probably most important a sincere desire and committment not to freaking drink no matter what - not an option today. The first 2 weeks were hell.
Good luck

TiredCarpenter

Before coming to SR. I could not get past 20 days sober.

Reading, posting, visiting the site 3 times a day has worked.

Being grateful.....big.

I am just past 34 days sober now.

Good job on today. The next day will be fine as well.

You can live sober. We all can.

Glad you are here.

TiredCarpenter

Totally agree!

Thanks.

Delilah1

The lockdown has been challenging for me too, but being sober definitely helps me stay focused on what is important.
It sounds like you had a lot of great things in place, you can do this again!

Tryharder2

I bit the bullet and called the GP this morning to make a telephone appointment as there are no face to face at the moment. I really don’t want to do this but I need to. Thanks for the verbal push Controls!