35 days sober - looking for ways to keep going
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 1
35 days sober - looking for ways to keep going
Hi there. This is my first time on this website. I'll do a brief introduction. I am in my mid 20's and suffer from being a perfectionist (I'm not sure that's the best thing to start out with??). After doing a little research on my own, I thought it was necessary for me to find some sort of community to connect with if I was serious about my recovery. However, I have found that difficult as I have never met anyone similar to me and my situation.
I am a grad student in an extremely competitive program. I am very hard on myself. I struggle with anxiety and depression, but do a decent job masking this from others (other than my husband). I guess you could call me one of those "high functioning addicts" although I'm not sure I identify with the label "addict." I began using alcohol consistently at age 19 or 20 and haven't really stopped (for long periods of time) until now. I initially quit 35 days ago over concerns of my health. I have a health background and am well aware of the negative side effects of alcohol, yet my anxiety pushed me to drink everyday to numb myself to health consequences, anxiety, and depression.
Each night I have abstained from alcohol, I have craved it, which is not a surprise. I remember thinking that if I could just be sober for a few weeks, it would be easy from there on out. Surprise, it's not! However, I have to continue to remind myself that in my darkest/rock-bottom times, this is always where I longed to be: sober for a few weeks.
Now that I am newly sober, I am trying to change other aspects of my life that fed that unhappiness and need to drink. I have started exercising about 4-5 days/week, I have devoted more time in the morning to myself, and have begun spending more time outside. Over the past week, I have thought long and hard about what I used to do to occupy myself before I began drinking for hours every night. And it's tough to figure out! So, I guess I'm struggling with finding new things to do (especially during this new "normal" we're experiencing with COVID-19). I'm looking for healthy coping mechanisms. Most days/nights, I find myself doing things just to "pass the time" so that I can go to sleep and start a new day (mornings are my favorite). I want to do stuff with my time - I want to live more fully in the present!
I wanted to add in something very positive to this post: I was able to resist peer pressure to drink this past weekend, which is HUUUUUGE. I have never been able to do this before. Ever. My husband helped stand up for me and support me with this, which I'm so thankful for! It's interesting to me though how choosing not to drink can bother some people so much. I don't get it! Why should we have to provide other people with reasons for why we choose not to drink? It ain't their life or their body!
With that being said, one of the next major steps in my recovery was to find a group of similar people to connect with. I have found Holly Whitaker and Laura McKowen to be tremendous inspirations and the reason I was able to get sober in the first place. Is there anyone who has also been in my position? Thanks a million. Looking forward to talking to anyone who was patient enough to read through this whole thing. I feel like I could write forever, but I'll call it quits here.
I am a grad student in an extremely competitive program. I am very hard on myself. I struggle with anxiety and depression, but do a decent job masking this from others (other than my husband). I guess you could call me one of those "high functioning addicts" although I'm not sure I identify with the label "addict." I began using alcohol consistently at age 19 or 20 and haven't really stopped (for long periods of time) until now. I initially quit 35 days ago over concerns of my health. I have a health background and am well aware of the negative side effects of alcohol, yet my anxiety pushed me to drink everyday to numb myself to health consequences, anxiety, and depression.
Each night I have abstained from alcohol, I have craved it, which is not a surprise. I remember thinking that if I could just be sober for a few weeks, it would be easy from there on out. Surprise, it's not! However, I have to continue to remind myself that in my darkest/rock-bottom times, this is always where I longed to be: sober for a few weeks.
Now that I am newly sober, I am trying to change other aspects of my life that fed that unhappiness and need to drink. I have started exercising about 4-5 days/week, I have devoted more time in the morning to myself, and have begun spending more time outside. Over the past week, I have thought long and hard about what I used to do to occupy myself before I began drinking for hours every night. And it's tough to figure out! So, I guess I'm struggling with finding new things to do (especially during this new "normal" we're experiencing with COVID-19). I'm looking for healthy coping mechanisms. Most days/nights, I find myself doing things just to "pass the time" so that I can go to sleep and start a new day (mornings are my favorite). I want to do stuff with my time - I want to live more fully in the present!
I wanted to add in something very positive to this post: I was able to resist peer pressure to drink this past weekend, which is HUUUUUGE. I have never been able to do this before. Ever. My husband helped stand up for me and support me with this, which I'm so thankful for! It's interesting to me though how choosing not to drink can bother some people so much. I don't get it! Why should we have to provide other people with reasons for why we choose not to drink? It ain't their life or their body!
With that being said, one of the next major steps in my recovery was to find a group of similar people to connect with. I have found Holly Whitaker and Laura McKowen to be tremendous inspirations and the reason I was able to get sober in the first place. Is there anyone who has also been in my position? Thanks a million. Looking forward to talking to anyone who was patient enough to read through this whole thing. I feel like I could write forever, but I'll call it quits here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Welcome,
I don't think labels are important and the main thing is that you know you need to stop drinking. 35 days sober is fantastic. It also sounds like you have made positive lifestyle changes, too. That, in my opinion, is crucial to long-term recovery. Recovery is so much more than stopping drinking.
I got back to a couple of hobbies that I loved before I began drinking. And, I was lucky enough to find an amazing volunteer position working with women on the street and living in poverty. It got me out of my head and enabled me to meet some of the most awesome people I've ever known. Unfortunately, volunteering is likely at a standstill right now, but hopefully you can come up with some ideas to help fill you up.
This is a great community so you will find lots of support.
I don't think labels are important and the main thing is that you know you need to stop drinking. 35 days sober is fantastic. It also sounds like you have made positive lifestyle changes, too. That, in my opinion, is crucial to long-term recovery. Recovery is so much more than stopping drinking.
I got back to a couple of hobbies that I loved before I began drinking. And, I was lucky enough to find an amazing volunteer position working with women on the street and living in poverty. It got me out of my head and enabled me to meet some of the most awesome people I've ever known. Unfortunately, volunteering is likely at a standstill right now, but hopefully you can come up with some ideas to help fill you up.
This is a great community so you will find lots of support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Hi alloe0316, welcome to the site. I am glad you found us.
I can relate to this...
...as that was me at one point.
A wise man told me to look for the similarities and not the differences. He said that doing so would help me to build empathy and lead to feeling part of the community...or I could stay terminally unique and miserable.
I can see many similarities between your share and my story. Examples are:
suffer from being a perfectionist
grad student in an extremely competitive program
very hard on myself
struggle with anxiety
high functioning addict
I began using alcohol consistently at age 19 or 20 and haven't really stopped
...and that was just in the first two paragraphs. I could go on, but I will call it quits here.
This definitely resonates with me and is something I strive for. Recovery is making that happen with more and more frequency as time goes on. I am now in my 17th year of grateful recovery. I am comfortable in my own skin, which is all I ever really wanted in the first place...long before I picked up my first drink and thought that was the solution. I found what I was seeking (myself) in recovery.
Welcome to the journey! :~)
I can relate to this...
However, I have found that difficult as I have never met anyone similar to me and my situation.
A wise man told me to look for the similarities and not the differences. He said that doing so would help me to build empathy and lead to feeling part of the community...or I could stay terminally unique and miserable.
I can see many similarities between your share and my story. Examples are:
suffer from being a perfectionist
grad student in an extremely competitive program
very hard on myself
struggle with anxiety
high functioning addict
I began using alcohol consistently at age 19 or 20 and haven't really stopped
...and that was just in the first two paragraphs. I could go on, but I will call it quits here.
I want to live more fully in the present!
What you seek is seeking you. Rumi
Welcome to the journey! :~)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Alloe - welcome aboard!
I think a lot of us are very driven people, high achievers with high expectations - a lot of us turns to alcohol to 'switch' off or 'relax'.
A lot of us found the dark side of that too.
A lot of what kept me going with recovery, even when I had a bad day sober, was I had many bad and worse days drinking.
It was not and could not be a lifestyle option for me anymore.
Recovery for me is a little bit like a self fueling engine. It is its own reward
I can honestly say I'm better than ever without drinking - more productive more focused, more at peace...and worlds happier.
I'm sure you will find the same
D
I think a lot of us are very driven people, high achievers with high expectations - a lot of us turns to alcohol to 'switch' off or 'relax'.
A lot of us found the dark side of that too.
A lot of what kept me going with recovery, even when I had a bad day sober, was I had many bad and worse days drinking.
It was not and could not be a lifestyle option for me anymore.
Recovery for me is a little bit like a self fueling engine. It is its own reward
I can honestly say I'm better than ever without drinking - more productive more focused, more at peace...and worlds happier.
I'm sure you will find the same
D
Last edited by Dee74; 04-29-2020 at 01:35 PM. Reason: .
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