anxiousrock

I'm on...I guess day 3...again. I always used to wonder why people would ask what I'm doing differently and I used to just "not drink" which would of course eventually lead to a binge.
I really didnt like the AA group here either...
very unwelcoming.
So now that there is AA 24/7 and its online I feel much better about it. I have social anxiety and when things can be done online I feel better.
I got out my big book and am ready to actually give this a fighting chance.
While blacked out friday, I for some reason factory reset my phone. Who knows what I was thinking, but I lost all my contacts, photos etc. I have to start over.
It's bad because it causes me extreme anxiety to not have that history of what I did but maybe its good because I have to start again?
I dunno.

Anna

I think it's great that you get that you need to do something differently. I'm glad that you are enjoying the online meetings and are finding them helpful. It seems like that is a good part of your daily routine.
As hard as it is, try to stop thinking about the phone calls you made or might have made. You can't do anything to change that, but you can do everything possible to not drink again.

D122y

Your description of what is going on with you is heart felt. I can only speak from my experience and maybe you can relate in some way.

I was a mental wreck when I was drinking and for about 1 year when I quit. The chemical and physical changes booze causes are mysterious and quite boring to me when I searched them out on the internet.

I don't care about them other than I want to be as completely drug free and experiencing life with as few filters as possible.

I have an assortment of OTC drugs including moringa, multis, vits B, C, D and some other weird stuff that my wife's sister's friend's friend recommended for defeating COVID.

I take them all, but not all the time. I don't want to take 7 pills a day. I don't want to take any pills, but I am sure without them I will get sick.

Regarding your anxiousness. I don't know what you feel. Only you know that. I know that for me, everything got better as time went on.

I am not sure that things got better as much as I got used to the way things were. That is sort of a big deal to me.

Rather than take a pill or drink booze to fix how I feel I sit and suffer like hell. Sit there and just feel crazy for a while. It worked for me.

Pretty soon, I decide that this is me, I am going to feel like this and it is ok. I embrace the suck. Then the suck goes away.

I said this earlier but I can't stress this enough....this is what I do and maybe for you or anyone, this will not get the job done. Especially if a person feels like they are going to hurt themselves or someone else.

Love and Thanks.

anxiousrock

yes i have been really enjoying the online content made available and i am sad to say this, but it seems like a lot of people are relapsing because of the pandemic....even after years and years of sobriety. I know we only have ourselves to blame but i would be gutted if I relapsed after that long...its hard enough after a few months.

D122y

Wow....first try...I dont see any big typos. That seems like a first in about 5 years. woohooo.

anxiousrock

This definitely helps. It's good to know that if I give it time, I'll feel better. Today i mentally feel a bit better and physically worse. But I did my workout and now I'm working. I'm exhausted and dizzy in a weird way but could be caffeine withdrawal lol I can't stomach anything but carbs and fat right now.
I can relate to the pill thing...I hate taking them. I only take my birth control and anxiety med. I don't even like taking advil unless I have to! Which is stupid considering how often I poison myself with alcohol!! I've just never been one for any drug other than alcohol.

Sober369

It sounds like you've got a good plan, anxiousrock. I'm glad you came back here. I'm also using this odd and sometimes scary time to work on recovery. We can do this!

anxiousrock

I'm always back....I need support cause I don't really have any otherwise.

DontRemember

just some thoughts about this quote.

Why do you take birth control? To not get pregnant, right?
Same with the anxiety meds? They help control anxiety.

Have you tried taking anything to help with your alcoholic drinking?

I'm not promoting it,as I've never even taken any myself but,it may be in your best interest to bring it up with your doctor.... again..just a thought.

anxiousrock

well there's a big difference though...i have anxiety every day so I need meds every day.
I drink once or twice a month so I wouldn't want to take a pill all the time for that? I dunno.

DontRemember

Have you ever discussed your drinking habits with your doctor?

Misssy2

anxious...I do take meds for anxiety daily 3x a day and I still end up drinking...the drugs do help me to not drink many times thou....and then they help when I am in withdrawals because I am on a benzo for about 15 years....I never liked taking drugs either but can't live without my benzo...I would surely be dead from drinking alcohol if I never got a prescription for anxiety meds.

anxiousrock

sure have! Since I'm not a daily drinker they've never been concerned and this has been with more than one doctor too....I know myself better....I have a problem.