7 weeks ago today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
7 weeks ago today
I got really drunk. This was a daily pattern that had been going on for over 15 years, been drinking heavily for 23 since I was 17. I'd drink in the pub and at home. Cider, red wine, white wine. Stages of beer for years on end. Vodka to finish the night. Cocaine when with certain people.
Seven weeks ago I was living in a complete fantasy land. I thought I was a great dad and husband, the world owed me so much, nothing would ever change. In seven painful weeks I've realised that for years I was abusive, demanding, bullying, vacant, a fool, embarrassing and a deadbeat dad. That's been very painful and the consequences for me look like they'll continue being painful.
Today I am just at the beginning of facing up to reality. It hurts. But it is real, and I'm amazed at just how far into the fantasy world I had retreated. I was certainly in some kind of madness. Things haven't improved for me in the consequences and probably won't, but I am at the start of dealing with reality as an adult.
Thanks for all your support, this site and all of you have been vital in moving forward
Seven weeks ago I was living in a complete fantasy land. I thought I was a great dad and husband, the world owed me so much, nothing would ever change. In seven painful weeks I've realised that for years I was abusive, demanding, bullying, vacant, a fool, embarrassing and a deadbeat dad. That's been very painful and the consequences for me look like they'll continue being painful.
Today I am just at the beginning of facing up to reality. It hurts. But it is real, and I'm amazed at just how far into the fantasy world I had retreated. I was certainly in some kind of madness. Things haven't improved for me in the consequences and probably won't, but I am at the start of dealing with reality as an adult.
Thanks for all your support, this site and all of you have been vital in moving forward
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Greta progress for seven weeks mate. Very few can look at them selves so honestly that early on the journey. Now you have put your finger on some of the main problems, you are in a great position to move forward in a meaningful way.
All the best
All the best
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Lines 
I was wondering how you were doing. Remember your first post here. Beyond the pain, and the hard work your doing now, there can be a new life you actively design. All things in good time. Thanks for the update.
survive are everything to me.
Ive drunk for 20 years getting myself into this mess. I guess it if takes 20 years to sort it out that'll be kind of balanced!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 239
Originally Posted by Be123
I am 100% convinced that one sign of addiction is wanting results NOW and resolution NOW (which booze would give me, until it ruined my life even more). Hearing stories of hope, being reminded to be patient, being told I will survive are everything to me.
Ive drunk for 20 years getting myself into this mess. I guess it if takes 20 years to sort it out that'll be kind of balanced!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 1,177
Great job Be! We've all experience that painful clarity of realizing how much we have failed and hurt the ones we love. While that hurts, it's also a very powerful motivator to make the positive changes that we are all here on this site trying to achieve.
Keep checking in. Keep those feeling close to your heart and use them for good.
Keep checking in. Keep those feeling close to your heart and use them for good.
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