crown86

Hi all,

I have it made it to day 12 and I am starting to feel WAY better. I am far from 100% but I know in time I will get there. I have faith.

I went fishing last Friday and man it was awesome. I really think it was the first time I floated a river sober. Night before was priceless because I was sober and actually went to bed early and had zero freaking hangover at 5am and actually got a good night sleep. Ride to mountains was pleasurable not have a pounding head and nailing a few beers to wash night prior away.

The ONLY time I missed a beer was waiting on my buddy to run the shuttle which took 40 min. Sitting there rigging rods I thought man I want a beer. It faded quick. The rest of the day was great fishing was solid and I did not think about beer all day..miracle . I did think on the way home, as I counted 18 police cars on side of road between fishing spot and my house, MAN IT"S NICE TO BE SOBER.

Like said I feel "out of sorts". I have been stressing myself out with all the what if's. Relapse is a huge fear. Forum member Dee74 had some pretty solid advice - you don't have to relapse. My addiction counselor said why stress about the future "are you going to drink today?" No..." then stop causing yourself anxiety over the future.

This time quitting feels so much different than past attempts. I realize just putting the bottle down is simply not enough. In the past I would know I need to quit and start the self loathing ******** of hating myself asking my girl for sympathy etc. I now feel it's complete crap. I need to do things everyday different and try to find the positive. I haven't worked out in couple years and am forcing myself everyday. I have counseling every week via phone, I reach out to my buddies who quit, I am forcing myself to get a few projects done around the home. In other words I am forcing myself back to good health and being productive. It sounds simple but for me it's not.

Thanks for letting me ramble and I am not going to drink today

Dee74

Congrats on day 12 crown

D

Cityboy

Congrats.

Since I quit, I've taken my kid on a couple of freshwater fishing trips close to home. These would normally have ended with me picking up beer on the way home. I really didn't miss it much at all and felt a lot better about myself for not drinking, not to mention the bad example I was setting.

The big trips to the coast with my buddies have all been postponed. We typically drink astonishing volumes of beer on these trips, and I mean really astonishing volumes of beer, as well as various bottles of this and that floating around. When these trips resume, they will be my final test. I'm not worried though as I've come too far now to fall back in to the hole.

Congrats again!

Hevyn

12 days is wonderful, crown. You don't ramble - we all get it.
Good that you're keeping busy & getting things accomplished, even if you don't really feel like it. Put those negative, self-sabotaging thoughts out of your mind & keep moving forward.

crown86

Yeah I know what you mean about the crazy amounts of beer and whiskey. I fly fish and live out west. I rack up a lot of days and a lot of camping fishing trips. We put the boat on around 9am and and we already had a couple greyhounds with breakfast. Then were popping beers at 9am and banging shots of whatever all day. Then back to camp to switch to high test. Crazy when I think about it.

I told a lot of my really good buddies I quit and why. I know there will be no pressure to drink from them. A lot of my fishing crew do not drink or are social drinkers. There are a couple I plan to avoid for this season for the temptation and also they annoy me even when I'm drunk so I can only imagine being around them sober.

Drunk or sober I am addicted to fishing and that will never change - HA and don't want to change that.

crown86

I know everyone here gets it...ha...I know im not unique in this addiction. I just went with the mind set of the self loathing pity is BS and not going to help. I can't change the past but I can alter my future. Getting off my ass with action, no matter how badly I do not want to do it, will eventually lead to change.

Yep it's a lot of work to get out of this hole. But F**K IT something has got to give. I can not stand what I have became with booze. I said to myself if you hate it bad enough then Fing do something or just die with a bottle. I drank heavy in my 30's but always kept my **** straight. From time I was 40 to now, 52, it has all gone to hell. So I figure 12 years of destructive drinking has taken it's toll and it shouldn't be easy to undo.But I am grateful I gave myself a second chance.

crown86

I know what you mean here also. One of my fishing buddies,and neighbor and best friend is like family to me. I have no kids but he has 3 young kids. His one son has taken to fishing with us in a big way. His kid calls me uncle. We have set a TERRIBLE example. I told my buddy I will not drive at all with his kid in the car but my buddy does. The warped logic of well we don't drive when we are "that F**ked up". The law would highly disagree. Not like they going to hop in the car and lap a few blocks to see how well we drive over the legal limit. All it would take is someone to rear end us and his world has gone to ****. DWI reckless endagerment of a child child abuse..and his wife having to drive hours to pick up the kid. Im sure he would have no marriage left.

I told my buddy 12 days ago Im done and why. He knows me well and said it's about time. Then he launched in to Im going to join you.
I said to him you got more to lose than me with kids and all. I said you dont want you kids growing up saying there dad was a drunk. He told me hell they say it now.

If he does quit great if not I love him anyways. One of my motivations to quit is to actually be a better example to my friend. Funny part is his brother, also a good friend, quit now for two years. Hopefully I can get this and he will look at his brother an me and be like damn there is something to this.

january161992

Keep Coming Back !

Misssy2

Oh boy do I know it is not "simple" I am on Day 9...
And reading your post is so refreshing...I know exactly how you feel.....its a very foreign feeling for us.

Actually a lot of foreign feelings....all at once...but all good...nothing like when we were a slave to the drink....and I'm happy for you and your almost 2 weeks...

May you continue to see the gifts sobriety has to offer (ditto for me).

CRRHCC

Forget everything you have been taught, told or read about addiction and consider this. . We are all driven to seek happiness (reward). All human behavior is driven by the pursuit of happiness (reward) and that, when you choose to do something, you do so because you see it as your best available option for happiness at that moment. When you get drunk, you do so because at that time you felt it would make you feel better. When you don't get drunk, like now, you chose to do so because you realize you can be still be happy or maybe even more happy when sober. Sure it's hard at first because you have been on autopilot. But the more you think about it, the more sense it makes. My son was a heroin addict. He stopped when he realized he would be happier not living on the street, living life in his car and waiting for his next fix. That was 7 years ago and he has never looked back. Sure life is still hard but he has chosen to be sober and productive. Being sober is a bigger-better-offer aka reward!

There is a very good book on this premise called the Freedom Model.
This book is based on cognitive behavior principles and reward based learning. In the book, "The Freedom Model for Addiction: Escape the Treatment and Recover Trap," the authors present addiction as a choice, not a disease over which we have no control. We all have free will and can choose our, "Best available option for happiness.” This book is taking, “Reward based learning,” to a more understandable level. This premise of seeking happiness, might seem trite at first thought, but it is ripe with profound meaning and backed with cutting edge research. Addiction is actually a learned behavior. One engages in specific behaviors because they believe it will give them temporary happiness. People stop abusing when they decide abusing is not the best option for their happiness. They stop abusing when they decide (REASON) abusing is not the best option for their happiness. This is precisely why the evidence shows that most people mature out of their addiction (NESARC). The authors use reason, science and evidence for their premise. The book clarifies the need to address your problems where they actually exist: In the realm of personal choice! You don’t get addicted to a substance or behavior, unless you have learned it helps you do something. That something is to feel better, to be happy. This book was written for substance abuse, but the principles apply to virtually any behavior! That's my opinion anyway.

Keep it up. You don't need to relapse unless you want to. Unless you really think it will make you happier.

least

You're coming up on two weeks sober! Keep going, it gets better!