Caronavirus lock down made my ex reach out
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 51
Caronavirus lock down made my ex reach out
So I have been away from my ABF for some time and things have been good, I have my lost still of all the terrible things he did and also even recordings of his abuse towards me something I’ve kept as a reminder of the vile things his said to me.
his blocked on everything , but today I received an email from an unknown person, but subject was i my daughters names so obviously I opened it. Otherwise I would have just deleted it.
it was from him asking how me and my girls where and the normal hoovering they try, my eldest daughter also received an email, saying how much he looked at her as a daughter and he would always care for her.
i know a lot will say ignore ignore delete but I couldn’t I felt angry so I replied sending him just my list that I had kept and a voice recording of the time he threatened to throw a glass at my face that I had saved ....
with the comment you really think I want to be with someone like this read and listen to the abuse and what I have had to put up with your delusional if you think I ever ever want you contacting me ever again or what to be with someone like you !!
Then I blocked that email address, I know it’s probably because his on lock down and obviously been drowning himself in alcohol and I know you can never work out what’s going on in there brain, and I know I shouldn’t have responded.
But also a part of me feels better that I sent the list which is very long !!! And the recording so he can hear himself and see how abusive he was he never knew I had that bit does now.
will this keep happening when do they let you move on and just stay away.
his blocked on everything , but today I received an email from an unknown person, but subject was i my daughters names so obviously I opened it. Otherwise I would have just deleted it.
it was from him asking how me and my girls where and the normal hoovering they try, my eldest daughter also received an email, saying how much he looked at her as a daughter and he would always care for her.
i know a lot will say ignore ignore delete but I couldn’t I felt angry so I replied sending him just my list that I had kept and a voice recording of the time he threatened to throw a glass at my face that I had saved ....
with the comment you really think I want to be with someone like this read and listen to the abuse and what I have had to put up with your delusional if you think I ever ever want you contacting me ever again or what to be with someone like you !!
Then I blocked that email address, I know it’s probably because his on lock down and obviously been drowning himself in alcohol and I know you can never work out what’s going on in there brain, and I know I shouldn’t have responded.
But also a part of me feels better that I sent the list which is very long !!! And the recording so he can hear himself and see how abusive he was he never knew I had that bit does now.
will this keep happening when do they let you move on and just stay away.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
Hi B1ueEyes,
I can understand you wanting to reply to his emails. With the way he treated you and then to try and get your attention by using your daughters names as bate in a subject line from an unknown sender. He knows you would not of read it if he used his normal email address. The Alcoholic will try any trick to try and win the person back over. You showed that you were strong and weren't going to deal with the way he treated you. While blocking that email, won't stop him from making up some other email address and trying again. It's good that you did. Hopefully he will see that you mean business from your reply and that it's over. Keep being strong for yourself and for your daughters.
I can understand you wanting to reply to his emails. With the way he treated you and then to try and get your attention by using your daughters names as bate in a subject line from an unknown sender. He knows you would not of read it if he used his normal email address. The Alcoholic will try any trick to try and win the person back over. You showed that you were strong and weren't going to deal with the way he treated you. While blocking that email, won't stop him from making up some other email address and trying again. It's good that you did. Hopefully he will see that you mean business from your reply and that it's over. Keep being strong for yourself and for your daughters.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 51
Thank you I wasn’t sure even responding was the right thing to do as normally it’s just delete ignore and block.
This isn’t the first time he has used my daughter even though he is not her dad he seems to think he is and I have been told when his asked joe many children he has he always replies o have 2 a daughter and a son who is his son !! When we got together she was 17 not a child she has a dad I find it very weird how he tells everyone this, and then to contact her with his twisted mind as she doesn’t understand alcoholism but know he has a drink problem.
she did. Thank fully just ignore him I don’t know if it’s because I’m the longest relationship his ever had this is why he rowels trying to reach out I know for a fact he doesn’t any other ex as one of them messaged me a long time ago about his drinking and she only knew my name because he kept saying me and you will never have what me and him had when he was drunk 🤦🏽*♀️ So it seems my name gets bought up when his drink can alcoholics get a little obsessed with people could this be the case ?
I am strong and hoping after he reads my lists of every thing he ever did and the voice recording he will stop trying to reach out.... if it happens again I might well have to change me email address.
This isn’t the first time he has used my daughter even though he is not her dad he seems to think he is and I have been told when his asked joe many children he has he always replies o have 2 a daughter and a son who is his son !! When we got together she was 17 not a child she has a dad I find it very weird how he tells everyone this, and then to contact her with his twisted mind as she doesn’t understand alcoholism but know he has a drink problem.
she did. Thank fully just ignore him I don’t know if it’s because I’m the longest relationship his ever had this is why he rowels trying to reach out I know for a fact he doesn’t any other ex as one of them messaged me a long time ago about his drinking and she only knew my name because he kept saying me and you will never have what me and him had when he was drunk 🤦🏽*♀️ So it seems my name gets bought up when his drink can alcoholics get a little obsessed with people could this be the case ?
I am strong and hoping after he reads my lists of every thing he ever did and the voice recording he will stop trying to reach out.... if it happens again I might well have to change me email address.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
B1ueEyes,
Alcoholics don't like change. They don't want to try and find someone else that will go along with their drinking. They think it's easier to get someone back, then to try and find someone new. You have shown that your not going to live with it. Good for you!
Alcoholics don't like change. They don't want to try and find someone else that will go along with their drinking. They think it's easier to get someone back, then to try and find someone new. You have shown that your not going to live with it. Good for you!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Wow BE, you kick ass!!! I was expecting you to say you responded nicely, as we are programmed to do when someone is nice to us.
Glad everything is otherwise peaceful for you. COVID19 brings out the best and worst in people.
Glad everything is otherwise peaceful for you. COVID19 brings out the best and worst in people.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
The absolute best thing you can do in situations like this is to just ignore the emails. If you answer them, he knows you are reading them. That's what he wants. Don't waste your time blocking his email address. All he has to do is make another. And he will.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 51
Thank you all in the past I have fell for the lies and the false promises, because I never truly knew about alcoholism. But this site has learnt me a lot and I come on here regularly just to remind myself, because it isn’t easy separating from someone who has an illness.
But I have learnt that every time I haven given in and had him back things don’t change ! Every time his got worse and I see the progression now when I first met him 4 cans of beer, now it’s 2-3 bottles of red wine or a bottle of JD and a bottle of wine it doesn’t matter what he drinks he drinks and can’t stop.
I’ve witnessed him driving drunk, I’ve witnessed him drink in the morning might be one but it’s still an alcoholic drink for breakfast !!
I’ve witnessed the down days where he sucks the happiness out of me I’ve been verbally abused and after everything his said he still says I’ve done nothing wrong !!
To me looking back why would I go back to that the bad days our way the good now and yes o feel sad I don’t think that sadness will ever leave me that someone who could be amazing is slowly destroying everything he touches, it’s like his on self distruct and he is and I can’t and won’t be part of that anymore I only wish him the best now.
But I have learnt that every time I haven given in and had him back things don’t change ! Every time his got worse and I see the progression now when I first met him 4 cans of beer, now it’s 2-3 bottles of red wine or a bottle of JD and a bottle of wine it doesn’t matter what he drinks he drinks and can’t stop.
I’ve witnessed him driving drunk, I’ve witnessed him drink in the morning might be one but it’s still an alcoholic drink for breakfast !!
I’ve witnessed the down days where he sucks the happiness out of me I’ve been verbally abused and after everything his said he still says I’ve done nothing wrong !!
To me looking back why would I go back to that the bad days our way the good now and yes o feel sad I don’t think that sadness will ever leave me that someone who could be amazing is slowly destroying everything he touches, it’s like his on self distruct and he is and I can’t and won’t be part of that anymore I only wish him the best now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 157
Good morning, it’s so hard I know , I too see the person that could be amazing , if only , right? It’s the bad days when they are down that do indeed suck the life from us and those are all too frequent when loving an alcoholic or just a sick person. At least that’s how I feel . Anyone can stand one day of someone being negative, non communicative, crabby etc.. But when it’s a regular daily thing it wears on us , on our self esteem . It causes the codependent crazy’s . I would sit with it and have major anxiety, trying to fix it in my mind, wondering what I did to make him act that way, blaming myself, thinking he was just not that into us. I tried everything to snap him out of it but just got stonewalled constantly. I am working on knowing that it had absolutely nothing to do with me , rather his inner struggle with himself and his demons. I think about myself when I am in a bad place. Do I blame the other person , did they cause it ? No! I’m not even thinking of the other person , I’m just in my own head with my own demons.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
I actually like the response you sent and good for you!
I'm glad it made you feel somewhat better as well, that's all you can hope for.
As for coming back around or ignoring someone, I don't think that generalizing about something that is a personality "thing" is something you can do with an alcoholic or anyone. I think we have to be mindful that alcoholics, while sharing some traits, are individual human beings with different feelings about different things and they will act accordingly.
I'm glad it made you feel somewhat better as well, that's all you can hope for.
As for coming back around or ignoring someone, I don't think that generalizing about something that is a personality "thing" is something you can do with an alcoholic or anyone. I think we have to be mindful that alcoholics, while sharing some traits, are individual human beings with different feelings about different things and they will act accordingly.
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