A unique situation
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
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A unique situation
My father was admitted to the hospital yesterday for the 3rd time in two months. He has a blood clot in left leg, blood clot in his right lung and ruptured his Achilles tendon. He's in tough shape and I don't know that he'll make it (although I said that last time and he pulled through).
My parents and I mutually went no contact about a month ago, they don't want to hear from me and I know that contacting them is always bad news for me. So that's part of the uniqueness.
The other part is there is a stay at home order. He's in the hospital by himself and no one can go see him. So in a time when most people would come together, none of us can. To top it off my brothers wife has tested positive for covid 19 so they are totally isolated.
God forbid, but if he passes, what the heck are we going to do?
My parents and I mutually went no contact about a month ago, they don't want to hear from me and I know that contacting them is always bad news for me. So that's part of the uniqueness.
The other part is there is a stay at home order. He's in the hospital by himself and no one can go see him. So in a time when most people would come together, none of us can. To top it off my brothers wife has tested positive for covid 19 so they are totally isolated.
God forbid, but if he passes, what the heck are we going to do?
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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I'm really sorry that you are in this situation. It's hard to know that there is nothing you can do right now. Hospitals in my city are not allowing any visitors either, which makes sense. You know that your Dad is getting good care and is in a relatively safe environment. Would your Dad speak to you on the phone? Maybe you could call him, but he might not have access?
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
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Hi Jeff
I'm so sorry for your dads situation. I relate. Both parents are in a home that is in lock down. No visitors. Mom had a huge stroke about a month ago, maybe 5 weeks now, and is in really bad shape. No one can visit. They both have severe dementia. Maybe that's a blessing in a way. Its just the worst situation. But there is nothing to be done. They may have to be moved to a new situation....a home with only 5-6 people because the level of care my mom needs is huge. So who the heck knows?
I do know if one were to pass we would cremate them per their wishes. Most of their friends and family are gone. My Uncle just died about 2 weeks ago so I think there are only 2 close family members of theirs alive. I don't think we would do a 'service' even in the best of times. Maybe some kind of 'celebration of life' when we could do it.
Tough times. I just wish aging wasn't so horrible for some. It has been awful for my folks. Seems so wrong to just persist and have no quality of life. I would want to be put down, so to speak. Awful to think about but true. Eh who knows?
Hang in there.
I'm so sorry for your dads situation. I relate. Both parents are in a home that is in lock down. No visitors. Mom had a huge stroke about a month ago, maybe 5 weeks now, and is in really bad shape. No one can visit. They both have severe dementia. Maybe that's a blessing in a way. Its just the worst situation. But there is nothing to be done. They may have to be moved to a new situation....a home with only 5-6 people because the level of care my mom needs is huge. So who the heck knows?
I do know if one were to pass we would cremate them per their wishes. Most of their friends and family are gone. My Uncle just died about 2 weeks ago so I think there are only 2 close family members of theirs alive. I don't think we would do a 'service' even in the best of times. Maybe some kind of 'celebration of life' when we could do it.
Tough times. I just wish aging wasn't so horrible for some. It has been awful for my folks. Seems so wrong to just persist and have no quality of life. I would want to be put down, so to speak. Awful to think about but true. Eh who knows?
Hang in there.
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Originally Posted by Anna 
I'm really sorry that you are in this situation. It's hard to know that there is nothing you can do right now. Hospitals in my city are not allowing any visitors either, which makes sense. You know that your Dad is getting good care and is in a relatively safe environment. Would your Dad speak to you on the phone? Maybe you could call him, but he might not have access?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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When my mom was looking like she might pass, my brother (who lives in Australia) sent me an email to read to her bedside which I did. Even if he won't talk, or can't talk, what about something like that? I think it might be a comfort to both of you to maybe conciliate at least a little?
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Join Date: Nov 2006
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Originally Posted by thomas11
God forbid, but if he passes, what the heck are we going to do?
Positive thoughts for your fathers condition. If he passes I guess you’ll have to play it by ear. My very best girl friend passed away 3 weeks ago and we can’t have a service for her. Our good neighbor a few houses down passed away a few days after my gf and again, no service.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
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I know how you feel Jeff. My younger brother has just been diagnosed with liver cancer and has 2-6 months to live. He has schizophrenia and has not been told as would destabilise him further. Paranoia.
Saw him yesterday in hospital (1 visitor only) then got him back to nursing home which is now in lockdown. I don't want him to die alone. Corona restrictions make it hard. Doctor told me many people in Italy died alone.
Some dispensation will probably be given. Idk.
Drinking came to mind, but I didn't act on the thoughts. Seemed disrespectful.
Best wishes Jeff.
Saw him yesterday in hospital (1 visitor only) then got him back to nursing home which is now in lockdown. I don't want him to die alone. Corona restrictions make it hard. Doctor told me many people in Italy died alone.
Some dispensation will probably be given. Idk.
Drinking came to mind, but I didn't act on the thoughts. Seemed disrespectful.
Best wishes Jeff.
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Wow, in the few responses I've received, I realize that I'm not alone and in fact some of you have it worse. My Dad had the widow-maker heart attack 9 years ago and is still alive, so he has exceeded his expiration date.
Doesn't change the fact of my/our current situation. Its messed up.
Doesn't change the fact of my/our current situation. Its messed up.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
I am so sorry Thomas.
You are definitely not alone. My dad had a stroke the day before yesterday and we haven't been able to see him and we are not really getting updates from the hospital. Your post made me grateful that our relationships are easy though. That sounds very rough. The hospital my dad is in does have a telephone line especially for people to leave messages for family members inside, you leave a message and someone delivers it. Might be worth checking if the hospital has something like this? It sounds like it might be particularly helpful to you if they do - a safe way to reach out within the confines of your mutual no contact.
Distance hugs to yourself and everyone else here that is going through it right now. It sure is hard out there.
You are definitely not alone. My dad had a stroke the day before yesterday and we haven't been able to see him and we are not really getting updates from the hospital. Your post made me grateful that our relationships are easy though. That sounds very rough. The hospital my dad is in does have a telephone line especially for people to leave messages for family members inside, you leave a message and someone delivers it. Might be worth checking if the hospital has something like this? It sounds like it might be particularly helpful to you if they do - a safe way to reach out within the confines of your mutual no contact.
Distance hugs to yourself and everyone else here that is going through it right now. It sure is hard out there.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
My parents both passed in 2016. I'm just getting to the acceptance stage.....I'm thankful they don't have to live through this virus stuff. I've gone out only 3 times in 21 days. Video chat is helpful!
Prayers, love, hugs and best wishes to everyone at this time.
~SB
Prayers, love, hugs and best wishes to everyone at this time.
~SB
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
There are thousands of families in Italy that were prohibited from visiting their dying family members and then forbidden to hold funerals. You aren't alone but these are the times unfortunately....
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
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Epictetus said...
Epictetus said,'Whenever we confront any situation, we must first of all decide,'what's up to us'...
In other words we must decide what is and isn't under our control.
What is not under our control is our parents, family, friends, the weather, the economy, our bodies , although we can diet and exercise, our deaths and just about everything else.
What is under our control our thoughts, opinions,judgements and desires.
That should get you started in a positive constructive manner....
In other words we must decide what is and isn't under our control.
What is not under our control is our parents, family, friends, the weather, the economy, our bodies , although we can diet and exercise, our deaths and just about everything else.
What is under our control our thoughts, opinions,judgements and desires.
That should get you started in a positive constructive manner....
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
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Hi Jeff,
I’m sorry that your dad is in the hospital. I know you’ve been no contact, but if you feel up to it a call or even video call might help. The day my mom died I was 3000 miles away, I booked a flight when I knew things were looking bad, but she passed away before I could even leave for the airport. I was able to speak to her that day, and I had already told her everything I wanted her to l one in past visits when she was sick.
If there are some things you’d like to say to your dad, and worry you may not be able to definitely try to call, but if you feel this would upset him or you, then take some time to write out how you’re feeling, it may help to write him a letter, even if you never send or.
I know a few people now who have lost loved ones due to a Covid, and they were unable to be in the hospital. I know there’s not why your dad is in there, but most hospitals are limiting, or not allowing visitors, at least the ones by us.
As for the “what if he doesn’t pull through.” a friend of mine in this situation was having a small private burial, and will do a celebration of life when things have gotten back to normal.
I’ll be thinking of you and your dad.
❤️ Delilah
I’m sorry that your dad is in the hospital. I know you’ve been no contact, but if you feel up to it a call or even video call might help. The day my mom died I was 3000 miles away, I booked a flight when I knew things were looking bad, but she passed away before I could even leave for the airport. I was able to speak to her that day, and I had already told her everything I wanted her to l one in past visits when she was sick.
If there are some things you’d like to say to your dad, and worry you may not be able to definitely try to call, but if you feel this would upset him or you, then take some time to write out how you’re feeling, it may help to write him a letter, even if you never send or.
I know a few people now who have lost loved ones due to a Covid, and they were unable to be in the hospital. I know there’s not why your dad is in there, but most hospitals are limiting, or not allowing visitors, at least the ones by us.
As for the “what if he doesn’t pull through.” a friend of mine in this situation was having a small private burial, and will do a celebration of life when things have gotten back to normal.
I’ll be thinking of you and your dad.
❤️ Delilah
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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Well son of a gun if they didn't release and he's back home. I heard he was complaining loudly that he wanted out of there, so I think he was released AMA. Brother told me he'll keep me updated.
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