Rsanchez920

So I'm still going on 8 days at this point.... yesterday I wrestled with cravings and thinking of the pros and cons and I was on here reading and debating with myself until about 11 at night until I decided that's it I'm in bed there's no chance of me doing anything I'm staying sober but it literally consumed my every thought for 5 hours straight it was kind of ridiculous.

the obsession of the mind that they talk about in AA is definitely true and for me it has always been my biggest downfall I have noticed. It's not so much the actual physical addiction it's the actual triggers and habits that I've built into my life. For instance today I woke up really inspired because I've been following the what made it stick the thread on here and all the answers are totally spot-on of wanting to be sober more than you want to use that drink or drug and it's really as simple as that, being fed up enough to say no more...i had my online language class today and i was so sharp and retaining so much info i fwlt great... Went for a walk just marvelling at how great being sober is...
​​​​Then all of a sudden 5 o clock rolled around and the sun is shining and im listening to music (music always makes me want to use) but im a music head its a constant part of my life but for me its like a drug using sound track practically.. it hypes me up... Not good. And now here goes the thoughts and debating again🤦🏽*♀️ the only reason why I have not called my dealer is because I think I may die I think it's a real possibility and after the other day I think I realized that. In the past it was kind of just an antidote, i had a false sense of safety in my using but oh it probably will never happen to me i thoight many times....

All that to say my AV is very loud right now. It is lying to me i know that but its convincing. Im goingto go cook some dinner and check back in shortly.

2ndhandrose

just spitballing… could you try listening to a different genre of music or songs you have never heard before?

I am just wondering if the music is triggering because it is what you have listened to while drinking?

2ndhandrose

something that has been helpful to me is playing the tape through. I know exactly how it would go for me if I were to drink and not one thing would be good.

For me, there are no pros to drinking and an endless list of cons.

Rsanchez920

The list of cons is extremely long... As for pros i usually just think oh im going to get this warm tingly feeling for a few hours... Also i create work for my job while high that helps me make money. Im not very creative in my job when sober... But ultimately those 2 things dont make it worth it with the huge list of cons thats for sure.

2ndhandrose

I thought the same thing about my creativity as you did at the beginning but, thankfully, I proved myself wrong

The longer I have stayed sober the more my creativity has ramped up.

It took time, though.

Rsanchez920

At one point a long time ago i was sober 2 years and although writing wise i never got there in sobriety, in every other way i became more creative... 6 months/1 year later though so it took a lot if time

2ndhandrose

I definitely hear you on this.

I have been sober for over 5 years and it wasn't until about year 3 that things really started to improve in all areas.

Just do what you can to stay sober today

Dee74

Have you considered joining the 'Class of April' support thread rsanchez?
all you have to do to join is post in the thread.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-one-8.html

Rsanchez920

Just joined

anxiousrock

I'm on day 24 and have the next 2 days off. My AV is screaming at me and I have no idea what to do. I'll pray for us both.

Surrendered19

Hey Rsanchez and Anxiousrock, we don't drink or use anymore, you read me? Stay sober. Both of you work your plans, whatever they may be, and stay sober. Among so many other reasons, we could get sick with the new bug. You want to be in tip top shape to fight that thing. During a bender or recently off a bender would NOT be a good way to fight that fight. You are both on here because you want better lives. Drinking or using takes all that away. Thinking about you today and in the coming days.