Random Thought
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Random Thought
I know this is a random thought, but I seem to have it often and felt like sharing it. Bear with me (or ignore me. 
).
Alcoholism/Alcohol Use Disorder, whatever you choose to call it (I choose the latter), is often in the news, in movies, on tv, etc. What I get particularly bothered by is the fact that the person/movie/show seems to always (or very, very often) have to attribute it to something. Always.
Jessica Simpson recently came out and attributed her alcoholism to being abused as a child. I'm certainly not discounting that cause, but she also stated that she loved her first taste (most non-alcoholics don't) and was regularly getting wasted right after that first taste, despite waiting until age 20 to have her first sip. So, how we are to know what the cause was? Brain chemistry, abuse, a mixture of both? Why does she feel the need to state a cause and society feels like they have a right to hear one? If someone had breast cancer, I wouldn't say, "Did you drink often?" (as drinking daily for women is known to increase this risk). Because HOW she got her cancer isn't my business and I am not out to judge a person for it. If I find out someone had a heart attack, I wouldn't ask him/her their exercise/food habits or cholesterol. Again, I wouldn't be looking for the cause of his/her medical misfortune. But alcoholics/addicts, I feel, are forced to almost justify their problem when no one else is. Other than other "bad" people, like people who have COPD or HIV, etc. And having to justify something as complex is just impossible. And, is the "cause" of the cancer, heart attack, or addiction really ever so black and white? No one assumes there is a cause for the cancer/heart attack, but "oh you were abused, I see how that must be the cause for your addiction" is easily ate up.
I just finished the new Ben Affleck movie. In real life, he has admitted to being an alcoholic, saying that it runs in his family. His brother is also in AA and his father drank alcoholically for decades until he finally stopped and actually became a counselor for those addicted. So, it runs in his family. Yet, in Ben Affleck's new movie where he plays an alcoholic (quite believably, I might add), halfway through the movie we find out the supposed reason his character is an alcoholic, this reason being a tragic event he lived through.
I know many people attribute their alcoholism to some significant event in their lives. Just more often I wish it could just be attributed publicly to just a brain chemistry issue that breeds addiction. It just felt like Jessica was almost trying to defend herself for being an alcoholic and the movie makers wanted to make Ben Affleck more likeable so they were, in a way, defending him (like, "forgive him for being an alcoholic, this happened to him..."). I think this stigmatizes people who are addicted in that they are somehow immoral, characterless people UNLESS they have a reason for their issue. And this can make the addict (if they are uninformed) feel guilty for being addicted. So, they (meaning me, at one point), deny their addiction to themselves and/or others. So it gets worse.
I remember first feeling like I had an alcohol problem and pushing it from my brain in college. There is NO WAY I would have told my parents. They had given me a PERFECT life filled with love. I didn't want to disappoint them with my personal failing. Now, of course, I know my addiction wasn't my fault. I had a scary reaction/attraction to alcohol from my very first sip. I wouldn't have been scared to tell my parents if I had any other medical problem, because I wouldn't have felt I was letting them down. And because I couldn't tell them, the problem grew and they couldn't get me the help they would have certainly helped me to get.
Anyway, I just feel like the way entertainment and news always has to justify why an otherwise good person becomes an addict does a great disservice to people who find themselves in that predicament solely because that is how their brain worked from the get-go.
Okay. Now that I've shared this thought, I'll hopefully no longer feel the need to share it next I stumble upon an example of it. Thanks for listening/reading.
Day 333.
). Alcoholism/Alcohol Use Disorder, whatever you choose to call it (I choose the latter), is often in the news, in movies, on tv, etc. What I get particularly bothered by is the fact that the person/movie/show seems to always (or very, very often) have to attribute it to something. Always.
Jessica Simpson recently came out and attributed her alcoholism to being abused as a child. I'm certainly not discounting that cause, but she also stated that she loved her first taste (most non-alcoholics don't) and was regularly getting wasted right after that first taste, despite waiting until age 20 to have her first sip. So, how we are to know what the cause was? Brain chemistry, abuse, a mixture of both? Why does she feel the need to state a cause and society feels like they have a right to hear one? If someone had breast cancer, I wouldn't say, "Did you drink often?" (as drinking daily for women is known to increase this risk). Because HOW she got her cancer isn't my business and I am not out to judge a person for it. If I find out someone had a heart attack, I wouldn't ask him/her their exercise/food habits or cholesterol. Again, I wouldn't be looking for the cause of his/her medical misfortune. But alcoholics/addicts, I feel, are forced to almost justify their problem when no one else is. Other than other "bad" people, like people who have COPD or HIV, etc. And having to justify something as complex is just impossible. And, is the "cause" of the cancer, heart attack, or addiction really ever so black and white? No one assumes there is a cause for the cancer/heart attack, but "oh you were abused, I see how that must be the cause for your addiction" is easily ate up.
I just finished the new Ben Affleck movie. In real life, he has admitted to being an alcoholic, saying that it runs in his family. His brother is also in AA and his father drank alcoholically for decades until he finally stopped and actually became a counselor for those addicted. So, it runs in his family. Yet, in Ben Affleck's new movie where he plays an alcoholic (quite believably, I might add), halfway through the movie we find out the supposed reason his character is an alcoholic, this reason being a tragic event he lived through.
I know many people attribute their alcoholism to some significant event in their lives. Just more often I wish it could just be attributed publicly to just a brain chemistry issue that breeds addiction. It just felt like Jessica was almost trying to defend herself for being an alcoholic and the movie makers wanted to make Ben Affleck more likeable so they were, in a way, defending him (like, "forgive him for being an alcoholic, this happened to him..."). I think this stigmatizes people who are addicted in that they are somehow immoral, characterless people UNLESS they have a reason for their issue. And this can make the addict (if they are uninformed) feel guilty for being addicted. So, they (meaning me, at one point), deny their addiction to themselves and/or others. So it gets worse.
I remember first feeling like I had an alcohol problem and pushing it from my brain in college. There is NO WAY I would have told my parents. They had given me a PERFECT life filled with love. I didn't want to disappoint them with my personal failing. Now, of course, I know my addiction wasn't my fault. I had a scary reaction/attraction to alcohol from my very first sip. I wouldn't have been scared to tell my parents if I had any other medical problem, because I wouldn't have felt I was letting them down. And because I couldn't tell them, the problem grew and they couldn't get me the help they would have certainly helped me to get.
Anyway, I just feel like the way entertainment and news always has to justify why an otherwise good person becomes an addict does a great disservice to people who find themselves in that predicament solely because that is how their brain worked from the get-go.
Okay. Now that I've shared this thought, I'll hopefully no longer feel the need to share it next I stumble upon an example of it. Thanks for listening/reading.
Day 333.
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There's no one right story for how we all became alcoholics.
I certainly had underlying reasons for drinking. Alcohol was my maladaptive way of coping with things.
I have alcoholism on one branch of my family tree at least and a difficult childhood in many ways.
I've also known people like yourself who had great childhoods and great lives - CarolD was a mod here and insisted her childhood was good and her life good...but she became an alcoholic.
I think it's pretty great how all of us can set the differences in our stories aside and connect through the commonalities
D
I certainly had underlying reasons for drinking. Alcohol was my maladaptive way of coping with things.
I have alcoholism on one branch of my family tree at least and a difficult childhood in many ways.
I've also known people like yourself who had great childhoods and great lives - CarolD was a mod here and insisted her childhood was good and her life good...but she became an alcoholic.
I think it's pretty great how all of us can set the differences in our stories aside and connect through the commonalities
D
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Originally Posted by Dee74 
There's no one right story for how we all became alcoholics.
D
D
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Location: Soberville, USA
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I am hoping my addiction to booze stemmed from a lack of education/fear of booze.
For the most part, if somebody told me not to do something because it would hurt me, and I could comprehend it, I learned from being educated.
The reason for this is because I have been educated and have a deep fear of booze. I have worked for the last 5 years to educate and establish this fear in my son.
Nobody did this for me. In fact it was pretty much the opposite.
Happy Friday!
Change of subject...
Washy washy!
CCL stock will bounce back eventually. It is a steal at $8. Omg. >6x profit with dividends? Do it!
Thanks.
For the most part, if somebody told me not to do something because it would hurt me, and I could comprehend it, I learned from being educated.
The reason for this is because I have been educated and have a deep fear of booze. I have worked for the last 5 years to educate and establish this fear in my son.
Nobody did this for me. In fact it was pretty much the opposite.
Happy Friday!
Change of subject...
Washy washy!
CCL stock will bounce back eventually. It is a steal at $8. Omg. >6x profit with dividends? Do it!
Thanks.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
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Sohard, I think I get what you are saying. And I agree, that the overall message out there is that the reason we are alcoholics is due to tragic events, abuse, mental illness, etc.
I did have a dysfunctional childhood but something clicked in my brain the very first time I had a drink and it never unclicked. My off switch broke
On the other hand, my brother, who had the same childhood as I did, we are only 2 1/2 years apart, he only drinks very occasionally, and just ONE beer. And he doesn't always finish it! Who does that?? Normal drinkers without broken brains, that's who.
I did have a dysfunctional childhood but something clicked in my brain the very first time I had a drink and it never unclicked. My off switch broke
On the other hand, my brother, who had the same childhood as I did, we are only 2 1/2 years apart, he only drinks very occasionally, and just ONE beer. And he doesn't always finish it! Who does that?? Normal drinkers without broken brains, that's who.
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And I just want to always make really, really sure I, too, don't contribute to the stigmatization of addiction. But, I surely do (unintentionally) at times. In my original post, I wrote "In real life, he (Ben) has admitted to being an alcoholic." I should not have used the word "admitted". That word infers he is sharing something negative. But addiction, in my belief, is no more negative and to be judged than the breast cancer or the heart attack. So, I should have said he "shared he had an addiction to alcohol".
I don't care about this for me. I'm over caring what people think of me. I'm to the point where I've publicly admitted (which is SHOCKING if you know me) to having had dangerous relationship with alcohol and thus I am unable to touch the stuff. BUT, I think of my little niece/nephew and all the cute and innocent little kids I teach. I just want them to grow up in a world where, when the unfortunate ones who will encounter addiction have to face it, they don't have to feel they need to "admit" it or explain the cause of it. They can just share it and get the help they need for it.
I don't care about this for me. I'm over caring what people think of me. I'm to the point where I've publicly admitted (which is SHOCKING if you know me) to having had dangerous relationship with alcohol and thus I am unable to touch the stuff. BUT, I think of my little niece/nephew and all the cute and innocent little kids I teach. I just want them to grow up in a world where, when the unfortunate ones who will encounter addiction have to face it, they don't have to feel they need to "admit" it or explain the cause of it. They can just share it and get the help they need for it.
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I personally think my Uncles and poor mental health are why I am alcoholic. Being a metalhead maybe has a role in it too. Not to mention hanging out with a bunch of druggie losers back in the day. (well, more like fellow druggie losers).
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I think it's pretty great how all of us can set the differences in our stories aside and connect through the commonalities
D
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Personally I don't think I had any reason.
What I do know from the first time I got my hands on some booze (2 friends and I at age 12, found a case of beer in a paddock of long grass) that I had an alcoholic in the making type of physical reaction, the unquenchable thirst showed up that very first time and it never went away.
Between the 3 of us that day, this is the different reactions we had.
One kid drank a 375ml bottle, declared that he didn't like the way it tasted, it was making him feel sick and he didn't want anymore.
Other kid drank 3 bottles and then declared similar to the above and added that he had to go out with his parents later that day so he better not have anymore.
Those 2 kids ended up hiding the rest of the beer from me, I of course wanted to drink more, but I was already falling down drunk after 6 bottles, then they had to carry me home and hand me over to my parents who were horrified of course.
I remember Dad telling me before he put me to bed to sleep it off that I was going to wake up feeling terrible and sick.
I woke up feeling fine and like I had just found the magic elixir of life and I could not wait to get my hands on some more booze and do it all again.
I was later kicked out of scouts for taking a bottle of rum on camp aged 13, and expelled from school for coming back to class drunk after lunch ... repeatedly.
No trauma, no abuse, nothing except a real bad case of Alcoholism that laid dormant until that one day the fuse was lit.
After that, it was just a matter of time until things got progressively worse.
If I'd not had a drink until ten years later at age 22, would it have turned out any differently ?
Impossible to know with 100% certainty but I don't think it would have,
This is where I believe the disease model is more correct than not, controversial topic I know, but I really do think that in my case, it was just some kind of genetic bullet that I copped and that it never was a "lifestyle choice"
The unquenchable thirst didn't develop through "addiction" it was just lying in wait .
What I do know from the first time I got my hands on some booze (2 friends and I at age 12, found a case of beer in a paddock of long grass) that I had an alcoholic in the making type of physical reaction, the unquenchable thirst showed up that very first time and it never went away.
Between the 3 of us that day, this is the different reactions we had.
One kid drank a 375ml bottle, declared that he didn't like the way it tasted, it was making him feel sick and he didn't want anymore.
Other kid drank 3 bottles and then declared similar to the above and added that he had to go out with his parents later that day so he better not have anymore.
Those 2 kids ended up hiding the rest of the beer from me, I of course wanted to drink more, but I was already falling down drunk after 6 bottles, then they had to carry me home and hand me over to my parents who were horrified of course.
I remember Dad telling me before he put me to bed to sleep it off that I was going to wake up feeling terrible and sick.
I woke up feeling fine and like I had just found the magic elixir of life and I could not wait to get my hands on some more booze and do it all again.
I was later kicked out of scouts for taking a bottle of rum on camp aged 13, and expelled from school for coming back to class drunk after lunch ... repeatedly.
No trauma, no abuse, nothing except a real bad case of Alcoholism that laid dormant until that one day the fuse was lit.
After that, it was just a matter of time until things got progressively worse.
If I'd not had a drink until ten years later at age 22, would it have turned out any differently ?
Impossible to know with 100% certainty but I don't think it would have,
This is where I believe the disease model is more correct than not, controversial topic I know, but I really do think that in my case, it was just some kind of genetic bullet that I copped and that it never was a "lifestyle choice"
The unquenchable thirst didn't develop through "addiction" it was just lying in wait .
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
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Congratulations on day 333.
You have to double that !
Good post, makes for reflection.
IMO there is so many ways addiction works.
I don't think I will ever know the exact answer for me but I do know I had underlying problems. There were alcoholism on both sides of my family. My older brother is an alcoholic whereas my little brother and sister are "normies" I suppose we are all individual authentic unique beings like snow flakes.
Only thing I know is my switch got flicked too at a young age. And there aint no flicking it back. Without putting any label on it.
It's not rational addiction.
Was there an underlying genetic disposition, probably definitely but I will wait until there's a proven off the shelf test for that. Is there trauma somewhere in my childhood that I'm blocking out, probably too. If I had never drank a drink in my 43 years and I had my first today what would I be like... Who knows.
Entertainment, film, media industry portrayal of alcoholism and addiction and how everyone seems to have drinks in their hands quite often is indeed intriguing and can indeed be annoying too...
The reassuring thing is when we know ourselves. When we say ah she/he is or was one of us, we can relate. And we can find support here when we need it.
Stay safe everyone. ✌️
You have to double that !
Good post, makes for reflection.
IMO there is so many ways addiction works.
I don't think I will ever know the exact answer for me but I do know I had underlying problems. There were alcoholism on both sides of my family. My older brother is an alcoholic whereas my little brother and sister are "normies" I suppose we are all individual authentic unique beings like snow flakes.
Only thing I know is my switch got flicked too at a young age. And there aint no flicking it back. Without putting any label on it.
It's not rational addiction.
Was there an underlying genetic disposition, probably definitely but I will wait until there's a proven off the shelf test for that. Is there trauma somewhere in my childhood that I'm blocking out, probably too. If I had never drank a drink in my 43 years and I had my first today what would I be like... Who knows.
Entertainment, film, media industry portrayal of alcoholism and addiction and how everyone seems to have drinks in their hands quite often is indeed intriguing and can indeed be annoying too...
The reassuring thing is when we know ourselves. When we say ah she/he is or was one of us, we can relate. And we can find support here when we need it.
Stay safe everyone. ✌️
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Over the years on this forum, and experiencing it myself, I've developed a theory that a small percentage of the population are born with an affinity to alcohol, as Derringer has posted above. These people are hardwired to love alcohol and are lucky if they never taste it in their lives. If they can recover they are super-heroes.
The rest of us may drink excessively for many reasons. It could be to mask traumatic life events, or because it's normal in their environment, for stress relief or just a habit that's gotten out of control. I think I'm in the stress relief/habit group. Yes I miss a glass of wine but I also know how habit forming it is so I stay away.
I know anything to do with human behaviour is really complex, and becoming dependent on alcohol may be due to many factors combined, but I think there is a gene that contributes to the extreme end of the spectrum.
The rest of us may drink excessively for many reasons. It could be to mask traumatic life events, or because it's normal in their environment, for stress relief or just a habit that's gotten out of control. I think I'm in the stress relief/habit group. Yes I miss a glass of wine but I also know how habit forming it is so I stay away.
I know anything to do with human behaviour is really complex, and becoming dependent on alcohol may be due to many factors combined, but I think there is a gene that contributes to the extreme end of the spectrum.
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A coping mechanism is what I attribute my alcoholism. I have quite a few alcoholics in the family. Learned from a young age that people drink all the time which I thought was a fact. It's very likely I would be destined to alcoholism from a 8 year old when I drank leftover rum and cokes.
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Originally Posted by Sohard
Oh, I'm not inferring at all there is "one right story" for how we all became alcoholics. That, in fact, is my exact point. I have no doubt some people became such because of tragic events, bad childhoods, abuse, mental illness, or (like me) just plain brain chemistry. I just think the just plain brain chemistry story is the only one never expressed by people in the public or in movies. People, it seem, feel like they have to justify their addiction, and I think that is dangerous. I think it inhibits people from getting help. I think it contributes to the stigmatization of addiction. That is my issue. Sorry to be confusing!
While evolution selects traits that are an advantage, it doesn't result in perfection, and advantage often carries with it useless baggage. Needing to see patterns and/or causes predisposes us to seeing them when they don't exist. Being useless doesn't have to weed out a trait from our DNA. It can remain there as not good and not bad, but just useless. Naming a cause for something doesn't have to be accurate, but it does tend to satisfy a human need.
I know that in my case before I finally quit, I searched for a cause for a couple of years without making any connections. Granted, addiction is a cause, and I should have seen that one sooner, but claiming addiction is not very satisfying, because no one wants to be an addict. We would be happier blaming our parents for bad potty training.
This is all just an unverified theory of mine. It maybe right, or not. But alcoholism is complex. There can be causes beyond addiction too, but it is not necessary.
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Good topic/thoughts so hard.....
I'm aligned w Dee and DriGuy in particular.
Re some of the people in the public eye, I think that like many of us not-famous people also feel drawn to name causes. One reason is because we seek answers like DG said - I also have to remember that the majority of the pop just doesn't understand our disease(s). As someone decently visible in the industry and with the recovery group I lead, I can tell you that being on a podcast, interview or featured in a news article is something I have to be deliberate about bc in discussing or sharing about my journey, the desire to share the reasons pops up.
I have always had a feeling of familiarity with Jessica Simpson and my take away is diff than yours. I feel she has shared more complexity, particularly in her book. I also identify with what her first marriage was like (I'm only a few yrs older than she is, and watching it with my first husband hit a bit too close to home), traditional Christian parents, and some other stuff about her journey.
I also believe that for me, if it wasn't alcoholism, there would be a different mental health diagnosis because my brain just works differently.
I also had to stop seeking the "why" and quit. Then I was able- and continue- to address the underlying stuff. But I have to circle back to the basic fact that I can't drink, normally and on a permanent basis, like others.
Thanks for sharing.
I'm aligned w Dee and DriGuy in particular.
Re some of the people in the public eye, I think that like many of us not-famous people also feel drawn to name causes. One reason is because we seek answers like DG said - I also have to remember that the majority of the pop just doesn't understand our disease(s). As someone decently visible in the industry and with the recovery group I lead, I can tell you that being on a podcast, interview or featured in a news article is something I have to be deliberate about bc in discussing or sharing about my journey, the desire to share the reasons pops up.
I have always had a feeling of familiarity with Jessica Simpson and my take away is diff than yours. I feel she has shared more complexity, particularly in her book. I also identify with what her first marriage was like (I'm only a few yrs older than she is, and watching it with my first husband hit a bit too close to home), traditional Christian parents, and some other stuff about her journey.
I also believe that for me, if it wasn't alcoholism, there would be a different mental health diagnosis because my brain just works differently.
I also had to stop seeking the "why" and quit. Then I was able- and continue- to address the underlying stuff. But I have to circle back to the basic fact that I can't drink, normally and on a permanent basis, like others.
Thanks for sharing.
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Our status as recovering addicts is a protected class in the state I am in, the same as things like race and gender. The reason protected classes come into legal recognition is all sorts of stereotyping, unfair labels and irrational reasons to discriminate and isolate folks.
The media and entertainment world are FULL of stereotyping in very destructive ways towards addicts of all stripes.
Thanks for your important and helpful post Sohard.
The media and entertainment world are FULL of stereotyping in very destructive ways towards addicts of all stripes.
Thanks for your important and helpful post Sohard.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
The obvious answer is there are many causes, but there is evidence that the majority of people who experience substance use problems also have trauma history. In my case it was both. Some call it the bio-social theory. I was biologically predisposed (mom, other relatives), and then influenced by my environment (abuse, trauma).
As far as stigma is concerned, I think knowledge about history of trauma and/or mental illness can lead to people having MORE empathy, not less, for those suffering with addiction.
People want to know why it became a problem, and studies as well as my own experience point to evidence that addiction is RARELY simply genetic, though genetics is ALMOST ALWAYS part of it. I was genetically predisposed, then traumatized in childhood (in part due to parent substance use), then fell in love with getting buzzed because I didn't like feeling angry and disappointed in my family, myself, humanity, then had many years that it worked for me and I had a helluva time, and then, when I was in chronic pain, depressed, and feeling trapped, alcohol use snowballed and it became a real problem for me. That's when I quit.
In short, this is not an either/or question. Rather, it is more a matter of BOTH, bio and social components fueling addiction. Stigma is born from ignorance. People want to provide reasons in the hope that it will lessen, not increase, stigma. I know why and I want you to know why because I DON'T want you to judge me. That kind of thing.
As far as stigma is concerned, I think knowledge about history of trauma and/or mental illness can lead to people having MORE empathy, not less, for those suffering with addiction.
People want to know why it became a problem, and studies as well as my own experience point to evidence that addiction is RARELY simply genetic, though genetics is ALMOST ALWAYS part of it. I was genetically predisposed, then traumatized in childhood (in part due to parent substance use), then fell in love with getting buzzed because I didn't like feeling angry and disappointed in my family, myself, humanity, then had many years that it worked for me and I had a helluva time, and then, when I was in chronic pain, depressed, and feeling trapped, alcohol use snowballed and it became a real problem for me. That's when I quit.
In short, this is not an either/or question. Rather, it is more a matter of BOTH, bio and social components fueling addiction. Stigma is born from ignorance. People want to provide reasons in the hope that it will lessen, not increase, stigma. I know why and I want you to know why because I DON'T want you to judge me. That kind of thing.
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This relates to important issues as it relates to self-knowledge.
I did some drinking starting in late grade school and then carrying on into high school and then, ultimately, in college where I was 400 miles from my parents (which is when i started drinking alcoholically).
I know for certain that, psychologically, I was damaged goods way before I set foot on the college campus.
I had been raised in a very shaming environment with a large, maladapted stepdad who would threaten to exert his physical superiority against me. (As an aside, I later broke him of this tendency when I told him I would be happy to accommodate him whenever he wanted to "bring it on".)
To say I had low self-esteem and confidence would be a vast understatement.
That came from being raised in a drunken household with immature parents.
Had I never picked up a drink, I would invariably be in therapy to address these psychological issues.
I have also suffered from chronic depression and GAD my entire adult life, albeit with successful treatment for the last 21 years.
So I was a fairly broken young man when I first started drinking in earnest.
I was hooked immediately and the rest, so to speak, is my story.
None of this has any impact my recovery, because I just stick with:
1. AA,
2. my daily relationship with God, and
3. working with my psychiatrist to keep my meds dialed in at their proper
dosages.
I've had a great life and I'm smart enough to give the credit exclusively to God.
I don't dwell on my family history and my underlying mental health issues, but I think they're still good for me to know.
I did some drinking starting in late grade school and then carrying on into high school and then, ultimately, in college where I was 400 miles from my parents (which is when i started drinking alcoholically).
I know for certain that, psychologically, I was damaged goods way before I set foot on the college campus.
I had been raised in a very shaming environment with a large, maladapted stepdad who would threaten to exert his physical superiority against me. (As an aside, I later broke him of this tendency when I told him I would be happy to accommodate him whenever he wanted to "bring it on".)
To say I had low self-esteem and confidence would be a vast understatement.
That came from being raised in a drunken household with immature parents.
Had I never picked up a drink, I would invariably be in therapy to address these psychological issues.
I have also suffered from chronic depression and GAD my entire adult life, albeit with successful treatment for the last 21 years.
So I was a fairly broken young man when I first started drinking in earnest.
I was hooked immediately and the rest, so to speak, is my story.
None of this has any impact my recovery, because I just stick with:
1. AA,
2. my daily relationship with God, and
3. working with my psychiatrist to keep my meds dialed in at their proper
dosages.
I've had a great life and I'm smart enough to give the credit exclusively to God.
I don't dwell on my family history and my underlying mental health issues, but I think they're still good for me to know.
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