Hello there! I am new here and not sure if I posted in the correct place. I am in desperate need of advice. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. He is an alcoholic. He moved to a different state to seek treatment and did very well for awhile. I went and visited him a little over a month ago but he relapsed before I got there and drank the whole weekend I was there. He ultimately got kicked out of sober living and went on a bender for a week. He hid out in some hotel and didn’t contact anybody. His friends finally found him and he was in the hospital for a few days. It was tough there but I told him Id be there for him because he helped me through tough times I had. He then was living with friends and seeming to do well until he recently got his own place and then relapsed again and was in the hospital AGAIN. I had a few good convos with him telling him how much he hurt me and set some boundaries. I thought things would be ok but over the weekend he starting drinking again. He isolates himself when he does this and I have no idea if he’s ok. I’m just a worried mess. He is supposed to move closer to me at the end of the month but obviously keeps taking steps backward and not working towards that. We’ve only been together a few months but known each other for a few years now. We met through mutual family members- connected by marriage not blood lol. I just love him so much and want him to be happy and healthy but I just don’t know what to do anymore. It’s especially hard being far away. Please if anyone has any advice or some insight I would greatly appreciate it.

Hi Goo -

welcome to SR. This is an amazing group. Yes you do need support - we alcoholics out our loved ones in hard positions again and again.

Newcomers is great for immediate response - it’s the most active. There is also an area on the forums specific for friend and family of alcoholics, and they should be helpful in terms of advice. Most of us on this thread are alcoholics, so we can give you information based on our experiences.

Personally, I tried to quit for 10 years and failed every time. About 7 years ago, I finally succeeded. Looking back, the difference was that I wanted sobriety so badly that I willing to give up everything.

My advice to you is to limit the damage that this person does by setting boundaries for yourself: financial, emotional, etc. And be open and support for the positive changes that they make.

Second, this person will need to dedicate time and energy to working on themselves for a good while, and will be unavailable to develop a relationship with another person until they do that work.

Recovery is a process, not an event.

We are here for you - 24/7