Noam19

I had to apologize to my family this weekend because I drank wed, thurs, and sat. I was 2 days shy of 60 days. This morning I'm on the beginning of day 2 back into sobriety.

Over the past couple of months what had really contributed to my success were the words of my 12 year old (who did not take this slip up well), and the routine I had been staying committed to. The responsibility is mine to adjust that routine when needed, and I failed to do that when my routine was impacted by the virus. I think I used it as an easy excuse. Gym closed, kids not in school, work crazy, family business dealing with cancellations.

This morning I'm still having a little bit of a pity party and still feeling the negative physical effects of all the alcohol.

I apologize to the SR community as well for not voicing my concerns when I felt them coming on.

But it's 8:05 am and I'm not going to drink today.

Sober369

Sending big cyber hugs to you Noam. Give yourself lots of self care. I'm so glad you made it back!

thomas11

Good to hear you are back on track. Yes, strange times. Don't blame for feeling stressed. I do too.

MantaLady

Don’t beat yourself up, be kind to yourself too! Lot’s of people are feeling the stress of this bizzare situation we all find ourselves in right now. I have been joining online meetings and there are so many with 20+ years of sobriety sharing that they are struggling too with all this so realise you’re not alone, we can do hard things and you will find your feet again. Keep connected xx

joalcoholic

It's so good that you went against our natural instinct to continue drinking, and came back. Today is a new set of 24 hrs to practice living sober. Until I had a spiritual awakening as a result of doing/living the 12 steps of A.A., I had no idea how to do life. I didn't have to do it alone and neither do you. "One Day at a Time"

Hevyn

Noan - This is a lesson I had to learn. The last time I disappointed myself was 12 yrs, ago. I never went back out again - the damages were too severe & devastating. Not worth it - and never will be. Any fun or relaxation we once got from it are gone. Living with a clear head & eyes wide open is the only way, painful though it may be at times. We're meant to feel things & not get numb. I'm so glad you told us what happened. You've learned something & will now be more determined than ever.

aasharon90

Continue to learn and build a strong recovery
foundation to live upon for yrs to come. Each
day sober incorporating tools, knowledge and
a recovery program in all areas of your life to
achieve health, happiness and many more of
lifes rewarding gifts we never take for granted
but rather grateful for them.

Reid82

Don't beat yourself up as others have said. Move on and have a plan in place to stay stopped this time around.

Anna

I remember disappointing myself many times and those disappointments take such a toll. Try to be kind to yourself today as you go through Day 1. I think we're all trying to find some kind of 'new normal' right now, and it's not easy. But, if you stay sober, you will get there.

lessgravity

Like almost everybody here, I've been there and done that. Use the disappointment that your kids feel about your drinking to fuel you. At the end of the day you have the greatest motivation possible to get sober outside of ourselves.

Derringer

Sorry to hear that Noam.

My 2 cents would be that alcohol primarily changes our minds and our perspective.

That's why we drink. To get a perspective change.

When it's all too much, the financial security, the family, the job, the pressure, stress and anxiety etc .... where do we turn for relief ? What instantly brings a change in mental perspective? Booze does.

That's why when we wake up and the booze has worn off we are full of the same things that got us drinking ... stress, pressure, anxiety, but it's gone up a notch because we have just chucked another issue in the mix.

Does booze instantly give us muscles and a six pack and cardio fitness ?

No.

Yet so many of us fall into that trap of trying to fix what is essentially a mental anguish problem by changing our bodies.

It doesn't make sense.

Personally I tried it soooo many times, exercise was my go to for years, but it didn't address the underlying mental issue and, whenever I found myself unable to exercise, out of routine, sick or an injury would eventuate .. alcohol would roar back into view as a solution to change the way I felt.

Sound familiar ?

So my hard learnt lesson became, that I couldn't out exercise, outrun alcoholism, it's a mental problem and requires addressing on the same plane.

Dee74

I'm glad you made it back Noam

I think now more than ever we have to look at flexibility in our recovery plans.

We need to make a plan that is our best attempt at no drinking - no matter what. I think?

D

courage2

Noam, that's a good honest post! Now, don't go back and do the same thing again. We drunks tend to do that, you know? Spend part of every day this viral spring reading, posting, listening to podcasts that support your sober commitment.

Hevyn

How are you doing now, Noam?

Gottalife

Hi Noam,
I can relate. I had to apologise to my family on many occasions. I really could not explain why I drank. I seemed to have plausible excuses but, when I analyzed them, they often contradicted each other. I was just as likely to drink when something good happened as when something bad did.

Another frustrating thing was that I made the conscious and heartfelt decision not to drink, then drank anyway. I had people I could have called, but for some reason it never occurred to me to do that.

It left me in quite a spot of despair. I mean, if I was drinking by choice, that meant I was also choosing to let myself and everyone else down, and to bring a heap of misery on myself, and I don't remember any of that being part of my plan. I just did not think.

So I begin to think, if I choose to drink as I seemingly do, then I must be either a very bad person, a very stupid person, or both.

There was third alternative. Perhaps I was a very sick person. That turned out to be the case. Where alcohol was concerned, I had lost the ability to make the right choice at certain times. I could choose not to drink some of the time, but there always came the time where the most powerful desire could not save me.

I needed a new outlook on life. As someone earlier said, a spiritual experience as the result of working 12 simple steps and adopting a new way of life did the trick. That is what gave me a 24/7 defense against the first drink. And a way of life vastly superior to how I had been trying to live before.

Lines

Alcohol and substance use disorder is medically defined as having the potential for chronic relapse. It's also said that part of recovery is resilience. Many quotes on resilience, but here is one from the Mayo Clinic: " Resilience is the ability to roll with the punches. When stress, adversity or trauma strikes, you still experience anger, grief and pain, but you're able to keep functioning — both physically and psychologically."

I relapsed recently after several years, and got stuck because I felt disappointed in myself, ashamed, anxious, fearful of telling my family, and contacting my doctor. I did use CBT and other skills learned in therapy to recover from it. Then I contacted my doctor who basically broke it down as now you've stopped, next step is to analyze, work through the cause and any emotions, learn from it, and go back to happy life. This was new. This was part of learning and building resilience. Although difficult, ultimately it will make me stronger and wiser.

Noam19

Good morning everyone. Thanks for all the encouragement. This week, as you all know, has been crazy at work. In my profession our department is where everyone goes when they want answers...so we're scrambling to look through all the information, talk to the experts, and formulate a response to our employees. I don't think I checked in for 24 yesterday, but I made it and today is day 4. I'm past the physical consequences of my little bender, today I'm feeling good and more sharp mentally. So it's back in the saddle again.

I hope you all are doing well with all the adversity. It's a trying time for all of us and definitely made me eat some humble pie with how quick I succumbed to that adversity.

As long as the internet holds out I'm hoping for a good day!