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Trying to stay aware of the ego in strange times.

Old 03-16-2020, 11:33 PM
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Trying to stay aware of the ego in strange times.

Hello my loving SR family,

I pray and hope that everyone is safe and healthy (and your families and friends). Miami is currently in a state of nervous energy.

People feel strange and are panicked. There are not enough test kits so the CDC is telling young people with symptoms to stay home. They have shut down restaurants and bars and dining. Strange thing is we are not seeing many more reports on positive cases, just panic.

My sister has asked me to not attend AA meetings anymore, which is getting easier to comply with as all of the clubhouses and churches are closing down. We had a weekend meeting outside by the water and for that I am grateful.

I am scared but feeling the normal "numbing" out, which is my best defense mechanism against fear, trauma, conflict, stress, etc. I am trying to stay on top of this and stay mindful and present. I am trying to be sensitive to my sisters extreme fear (she has a one year old that we live with) and understand, but it is hard as she wants me to do nothing she does not agree with.

I do not know what is happening and I have a lot of fear in me. I also have a lot of faith and trust in this Universe and my God and I pray that this will be over soon. They are expecting millions to be infected here in the States. I fear the rise in gun purchases, prep for theft and other dangerous possibilities. I just want everyone safe and calm.

I am so grateful to be experiencing this in sobriety, I cannot imagine myself drinking the way I was and staying healthy, alert and prepared. I would collapse. I pray also for the suffering alcoholic and hope that they find strength and peace in this time.

I wonder, how are you handling this? How are you staying sober, managing your feelings and fears, how are you handling the egoic mind right now?

I need guidance, I need strength as I am sure you all do. I am here for you.

Stay safe,

Nic.
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Old 03-16-2020, 11:43 PM
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Panic , although understandable, serves no one any good.

We are blessed with a level of medical science unparalleled on history.
We are blessed with ways to communicate that do not rely on physical contact.

The virus may change our lives for a while, but we will get through

https://theconversation.com/coronavi...o-panic-132941


https://www.henryford.com/blog/2020/...onavirus-fears

D
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Old 03-17-2020, 01:16 AM
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My academic background is in environmental science and I have been angry and panicked about climate change (and inaction on it by governments or businesses) for years. It has been my number one excuse for why I don't do recovery. There are other reasons, like being lonely, or I don't handle stress well, but this was my biggest excuse.

I have been living in "world is ending" mode longer than some people have. I started out optimistic and strong, I learned a lot of outdoor survival skills, left the city for a place that is resilient to climate change, there are things in my house I could use in the zombie apocalypse (or just, you know, a natural disaster). I practiced camping alone, backpacking, and surrounded myself by people who have skills like wilderness first aid and growing their own food.

Sounds beautiful, amirite?

Well, somewhere along the way I lost all my hope, and got lost on this roller coaster of alcohol abuse to "deal with" my anger, my fears, my feelings of complete helplessness, my rage.

In recent months I started having thoughts like "I need to decide if I actually want to live or die." Because if I don't want to die, I should stop drinking. Realistically, I can only use my degree and other things I've been trained to do with a clear mind and reasonably healthy body. If something horrific happened tomorrow, and I was hungover, would I be of any use to anyone? Could I even help myself? What if I got dehydrated or confused. What if I did something that caused me to be overall less physically capable and independent because I was drunk.

I started thinking, you know I don't really want to die. So if I don't want to die, I have to be like those people in Trainspotting and choose life. No I don't do heroin, but even for binge drinking, it's a good line to remember. It's insanity to live "in between" ESPECIALLY in these times we presently live. Either you want to live, and live well, or you want to die. Make up your mind.

Coronavirus pandemic might be exactly what I needed. Sure, I reacted badly, and had one of my "unexpected" and "didn't mean to" binges last week. But realistically, it's shaking me up, making me remember I want to live, and why.

I liked myself better when I felt like I was prepared, and resilient, and could be of use to others. There's a lot of self-hatred in thinking I'm too weak to deal with reality or that I'm wasting my education, my passion, and my talent because I'm so angry and afraid that I drink my bad feelings away (or turn them into more self-centered bad feelings, there's that, sometimes I am not euphoric or escaping, there are times drinking causes bad feelings to still be there but much more selfish, morbid, maudlin).

I read this article that said the Coronavirus and how people are responding to it has already decreased CO2e emissions in China to a point that it's actually visible from space, and not only that, but the way people are modifying their behavior the world over could lead to methods of reducing carbon emissions. This gave me hope.

After that gave me hope, I also realized that self-isolation is a great time to not only stay sober, but to actively work on recovery since my activities are greatly reduced, and so are my interactions with other people. This is something else the coronavirus has given me.

I know it sounds kind of crazy, because at first I was upset because the social distancing ruined a lot of things that were giving me hope. I was supposed to judge a science fair for local teens, I work with school groups part-time as part of my internship, and I was planning a weekend retreat at a Buddhist monastery. Every single one of those things has been taken from me, because of school closures, and all of my grad school and internship responsibilities to be altered to on-line classes, or assignments that don't involve working with kids or travel.

I mean, this was really a breaking point for me. Really a moment of truth. Like I've been living this way for years now, and things have gotten suddenly worse on the surface. So am I going to just have a total nervous breakdown and kill myself?

I decided the answer was no. So this almost forces me to face recovery, to stay sober. This was possibly my "bottom" - this feeling that the world was not only ending but it was ending in two different ways!

When I saw the opportunity in the chaos, I slowly started to take it. So, here I am.

In terms of actively dealing with "ego" I like dharmic teachings like Taoism.
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Old 03-17-2020, 01:43 AM
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I know it's hard to we just have to try to be calm and roll with the punches. We'll get through this together.
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Old 03-17-2020, 02:02 AM
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The goal is to slow down the spread. This thing is not going away. Eventually, we all will catch covid.

It is crazy out there off and on. I avoid the crowds. That is where I feel the most stress. Crowds.

With the covid, it seems most people that have it will have a mild to moderate sickness and get well. The body will develop an antibody. Covid is a flu strain.

I have been mainly going out in a middle of the night to get supplies as needed. My job has made me used to being a night owl so this works for me.

Jobs are definitely on the line. Stocks are at an all time low. This makes the stress overwhelming and a bit unbearable off and on.

Preparing for the worst as best I can. Feels like a wave is slowly building.

I say it all the time, fear just makes me weak. I have to stay in the analytical mind. Stay away from the fearful mind.

Lots of exercise, have to stay strong.

Thanks.
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Old 03-17-2020, 05:31 AM
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None of the screens in our house have an aerial attached. No TV helps immensely.

Not only in times like these but in general.

Its not that I don't care what is happening in the world, I just have to put my mental health first.

We've only had broadcast news for what ? 80 -100 odd years or thereabouts.

Previous to that, folks knew what was happening in their immediate vicinity and that was just the way it was.
​​​​
I happen to think there is a correlation between that and the huge rise in mental health related issues worldwide.

Willingly tune in to be fed a steady diet of war, crimes, disasters, tragedies, add to that watching politicians squirm, dodge, lie and spin ?

No thanks !

Its too much for me and I won't risk the collateral damage that is a general feeling of anxiety and 'we're screwed'.

I have to face the fact that an alcoholic mind is pretty much wired up to look for excuses to say "effit" so .... to me .... it just makes sense to tune out the media and just pay attention to what is happening right now and right in front of me.
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Old 03-17-2020, 05:46 AM
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Strangely I'm feeling more energised and enthusiastic about life at the moment. I think it's because I'm thinking about something other than my personal problems and staying sober.
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Old 03-17-2020, 11:21 AM
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We have a state of emergency declared today in our province but I'm working on staying safe as things change. I'm shopping as little as possible, and walking a lot in quiet areas, and keeping distance from other people. I'm adjusting to the idea that this is something that will likely be with us for many months so we have to make this the 'new normal'.
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Old 03-18-2020, 08:47 AM
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I'm beginning to see the opportunities in this situation, now that I'm getting past the initial shocks.

Yes, a lot of really neat and fun plans I had for the near future are on hold or canceled. That sucks, frankly, and I allow myself to be disappointed. I have to work from home for the next few weeks at least (not easy, but doable), and my high school senior might not get to finish out his school year the way he hoped, and I doubt there will be a commencement ceremony. That's kind of sad, because he's in the running for valedictorian (I care more about commencement than he does). The economy is getting hit hard. My retirement savings are vanishing right now (I have time, it will come back, but it's scary right now). I'm watching media reports of panic buying and shortages, and seeing the worst side of people in some respects. So, there's a lot of negative stuff happening, there is no doubt about that. I am trying to take deep breaths, recognize that there isn't a darn thing I can do about most of it, and let things go. We are all in the same boat, after all.

So, what are the opportunities here? I'm turning my attention there, it's the only way I'm going to get through this with sanity intact. It's the only way WE will get though this.

I'm seeing the beginnings of some real community thinking and effort here in my fairly small town. People are thinking about their fellow humans, and figuring out how to help those who will have a difficult time getting through this without assistance. The elderly, people with children who suddenly have to figure out where their kids go during the day, people on the edge financially, people who are losing jobs right and left. I am seeing a lot of awakening of philanthropy, and our community facebook page with offers of help in various ways. My small part has been to make a donation to the local food pantry, and I'll be getting take-out from local restaurants more than I usually would have eaten out, so maybe some local places don't have to close permanently.

Once the panic buying is over (soon, I hope) people might start figuring out how to consume less. I know I am being more mindful of food waste already, and using fewer disposable things like paper towels and plates. There's going to be less movement for a while, resulting in at least a temporary improvement in air pollution levels in some places, as BeckoningCat noted. Maybe that will wake people up and they will understand the damage we are doing to the planet, when they see the improvements - it might give people perspective.

If we have family members at home, we are going to be stuck with them more than usual. I hope we can take this opportunity to re-connect on a deeper level. I hope we don't all just isolate ourselves in our rooms, noses buried in computer screens and other devices. I hope we converse. I hope we share our fears. I hope we find ways to have fun playing games, watching movies together, going outside to play. (I also understand that home is not a safe or happy place for many people, and I pray everyone makes it through this ok, or gets the help they need if it gets bad).

In general, I think this can be seen as a sort of re-boot. Step back from the crazy pace of the world for a while. Take some deep breaths. Discover (or re-discover some inner strengths. Re-prioritize. Figure out what is REALLY important. Think. Read. Listen to music. Meditate. Write. Exercise. Create art. Go outside (safely, of course). Find some nature. Spend time (safely) with loved ones.

Take care of your sobriety.
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Old 03-18-2020, 02:40 PM
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I suspect I'll get a little stir crazy, but in some odd way, this thing about isolating and changing our lifestyle is kind of an adventure. I will have to go to the store. That will be my biggest risk of exposure, but my near daily hikes involve a short drive to the trail heads where I seldom meet anyone else. I hesitate to say it will be fun. It's more like interesting.

I've never heard of social distancing or self imposed quarantine. So this seems like a big deal. I'm old enough to remember parents taking their children to a friend's house who had measles, chickenpox, or mumps to purposely infect them because there were no vaccines, and it was considered prudent to get those diseases in childhood, because they were quite dangerous to adults. My parents never bothered. There was plenty of exposure going on in the public schools.

One time I got this toy musical instrument called an ocarina for my birthday.

I brought it to school and one of my classmates grabbed it from me. A game of keep away ensued. I guess they call this bullying today. They took turns blowing the ocarina as I chased them about. The bell rang and we went to class and after roll call, the teacher called me to her desk, and asked if I felt OK. I said I felt fine, and she said, I think you have the German Measles, and the nurse sent me home. So I got the measles, along with all my bullying friends. They probably would have got it anyway, because we passed those diseases around like baseball cards. But I preferred to believe that I gave it to them. lol
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Old 03-19-2020, 03:59 AM
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I'm aware, but not disturbed to the point of working myself into a tizzy.

Ive been exposed to the NYC subway system since I was two.

If a virus wants to take me on it can try I suppose. It will fail 😀
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Old 03-20-2020, 05:47 PM
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Niclin, keep checking in here. It is hard and things are crazy for sure. But as Dee says, we will get through it and it will pass even if it takes 18 months. Nothing good can come from drinking and it will just create a big set back. I have faith and hope in humanity, modern medicine, science, and technology. Look at what the world has already been through and we always come away stronger. Experts are working hard at a vaccine and a cure and if we remember historical times, it will all come together. It will just take time and we have to be patient.

I know that things are changing by the minute and since you started this thread a few days ago, many of our States are now under mandatory shelter at home. And now in addition to the illness itself, we are hearing more about the devastating impact to our global economy. I know that I am lucky as I have a job which is considered “essential” at least in my State as does my husband, and there is no current threat we could get laid off, though this could change down the road depending on how this evolves. I know that so many others are losing their jobs now. I do not have any words for this.

I know I am rambling. I suppose it is helping me to vent also. My family has been at home since last Sat. Husband and I are working from home and son is online schooling. What we are doing to deal with isolation - We are each doing a lot of FT with family, friends and coworkers. Zoom has been great for work and son’s school. I heard a comment on the news about the need to physically distance but stay socially connected which we can do online with technology. I’m getting out in nature, running more and going for hikes with family during our breaks. I’m taking advantage of extra time since things have slowed down. Taking mid day naps. Just ordered some plants online and going to work on the garden. Doing some more pebble painting and art. Reading more, playing words with friends more, doing puzzles with my boys, baking more, trying some new restaurants with delivery. I invested in some stocks today, taking advantage of lower prices. I will search for ways to help others too. Perhaps elderly neighbors need help with groceries or other essentials. I’m trying my best not to panic. I am not in control of this but I can still control my choices and behavior.

Stay strong!
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Old 03-20-2020, 08:59 PM
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Thank you everyone. I am struggling a little with the idea of being on lock down, it scares me.

I am getting through it day by day with great sponsorship, good friends and outdoor activities and my dog and as always, my dog Bradley. He keeps me in line.

Goodnight, stay safe my family.

Nic.
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