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How to accept it?

Old 03-15-2020, 11:46 PM
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Samantha
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How to accept it?

I know I am an alcoholic. I feel like I cant recover because I cant accept the fact I'll never drink again. How do you do it? Please help me.
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Old 03-15-2020, 11:50 PM
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Sam- it IS hard work. For me- daily support- here, regular meetings and health checks with doc, plus counselling. You have an awareness - so you can do what you have to do- with help, and not go to the extremes people like me went to- rock bottom wise.
Check out the sticky's in the newcomers forums for info on making a plan, will power alone does not work for people like me.

My support to you.
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Old 03-15-2020, 11:58 PM
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I couldn't stop until I didn't want to drink more then I wanted to drink.
It didn't matter what I lost or what people said to me prior to that.

HTH and good luck.
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Old 03-16-2020, 12:21 AM
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I didn't think I'd ever change wanting to drink - but I did.

It took a little fear, a lot of effort and some stubbornness but I stayed sober day by day - I checked in here everyday, especially when my recovery was in trouble - and slowly but surely I changed

I didnt want to drink anymore.

You will have heard me talking about building a sober life I love.

The reason I stay sober is that I thought about what I wanted from my life and I made it happen.

I literally built a sober life I love and a life I don't want to lose to addiction.

D
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Old 03-16-2020, 12:23 AM
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I will tell it to you straight and I mean this with no disrespect but accepting you are an alcoholic there is no shame in that.

I have been going to AA meetings for the past week and I have heard so many stories. I know what you are going through. I too feel like the thought of never being able to drink again is horrible. I feel like it is a punishment for not being able to control myself. I feel like why can't I be like "normal" people and drink "moderately". And like so many people say in my AA meetings we are the select few. We are the ones that can't have one drink. We cannot drink moderately like "normal" people. And that is okay. We have to learn to accept that we are alcoholics and that is okay. We are not bad people for being alcoholics. It is just the cards we were dealt.

I cannot say that I am sober. The truth is I am an alcoholic and trying to get sober as we speak. I am a drunk and a drug addict. I have tried so hard to give alcohol and drugs up but I can't do it alone. Thankfully after today I am getting a sponsor and possible detox or rehab or whatever lies ahead.

The truth is I drink every day. I drink a liter bottle of straight vodka every day. I do cocaine all day. Heroin to come down. Pills on top of that. Sometimes I free base cocaine and smoke it. I should be dead by now. But for some reason I am still alive. And I thank god every day that I am alive and if I can get through this addiction I want to help others that go through what I am going through because this addiction is horrible.

Al I can say is to see sobriety as not a punishment but as a better way to live. I know what it feels like to have the though of never being able to drink again but as they tell me in my AA meetings you have to want to be sober more that wanting to drink. I am sill trying to learn that after a week in AA meetings but hopefully after tomorrow I will finally get it. All I want to say is that I know how you feel.

Last edited by mikoss; 03-16-2020 at 12:25 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old 03-16-2020, 12:28 AM
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Originally Posted by anxiousrock View Post
I know I am an alcoholic. I feel like I cant recover because I cant accept the fact I'll never drink again. How do you do it? Please help me.
Hi anxiousrock. I battled with this for too many years. My experience is it took a complete personal catastrophe for me to get the motivation I needed to take this on head-on. This may sound like I'm joking or being harsh but I think you have a choice between either acting now...or wait til you've lost everything and then you'll find it much easier. If I could have taken the former path I would have saved so much

Come what may it can't harm not to drink today?
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Old 03-16-2020, 12:55 AM
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Samantha
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Thank you all for your words. I cant believe I did this. I know I called people from work and I'm sure I'll get the recourse tomorrow morning. No idea what I would have said. No idea who else I called. I know I messed up a few things at work as well. I emailed my call centre manager and told her about one big mistake I made but no response yet. I don't know what will happen. If I lose that portion of my job I can hardly get by, but would make it work.
its my other main job I'm worried about. Like really worried.
I'm having a panic attack right now and it's not good. My heart is racing.
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Old 03-16-2020, 01:16 AM
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I know the anxiety is terrible but honestly - worrying won't do anything bit add to your troubles.

Try and get some rest before tomorrow.

D
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Old 03-16-2020, 02:10 AM
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Originally Posted by anxiousrock View Post
I know I am an alcoholic. I feel like I cant recover because I cant accept the fact I'll never drink again. How do you do it? Please help me.
don't tackle your entire life at once. I'm over 2 years sober and if I sit here and think that I can never safely drink alcohol again, I will still sometimes start panicking. Take one day, one hour at a time. That's all you need to deal with right now
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Old 03-16-2020, 02:14 AM
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Samantha
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I know the anxiety is terrible but honestly - worrying won't do anything bit add to your troubles.

Try and get some rest before tomorrow.

D
I haven't been able to sleep. I was downstairs trying to figure out what I did at work today and there's a couple things I cant figure out so i am praying that it will be okay i just want to help and I'm so helpless.
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Old 03-16-2020, 03:17 AM
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What really helped me was when I went through the Doctors Opinion in the Big Book. I found I have a physical allergy to alcohol. When I take a drink I set off the phenomenan of craving. A physical compulsion to want drink after drink after drink. It is just the way my body reacts to alcohol. That is why us as alcoholics are unable to control our drinking. That is why it is nothing to do with willpower. That is why we will never ne able to drink moderately or safely even after long periods of abstinence. So if I do not put a drink in me I cannot set off the craving, I cannot get drunk. Yipppee!

However, the Doctor's Opinion taught me that alcoholism is a 2 fold illness. The physical allergy PLUS the obsession of the mind. If we do not put a drink in us we cannot get drunk right? Simple. But that leaves us with the mental obsession. That yearning to take a drink despite all the bad crap that happens to us when we do. So alcoholism actually centres in the mind. That is why alcoholics need some type of recovery plan.

In the early days/months when I wanted to drink so badly I would constantly use the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change the fact that I am an alcololic. That my body reacts differently to "normal" drinkers. That is a FACT

The courage to change the things I can. I can work a recovery plan daily. I will go to any lengths to stay sober. I will make sobriety my number one priority. I will do whatever it takes to not pick up thst first drink. I can change my attitude from poor me to Thank God I am alive and all I have to do is stay away from one little drink, one day at a time.

I would repeat this over and over every time I wanted to drink.

After my last drunken binge I too had engaged in awful behaviours whilst drunk. Some I had brief recollection of, others not so much. I tried to smash a window of someone I knew who I held a resentment towards by throwing a block of wood at it and subsequently was visited by the police. I phoned in sick for work and had no recollection what I had said to my manager or how I sounded. I sent abusive text messages to people. Once I came out of that binge I was in a kind of shock. I thought ok, well I cannot change what has happened so I will have to just deal with the consequences when and if they arrive. But my priority was getting and staying sober. Luckily work seemed to be ok. I did lose some friends and was probably the talk of the town. But I knew at this point that I wasn't a bad person. I was just really really sick. And I had to get myself well. Everything else had to wait . I had to get well for me and for my daughter.

I am nearly 2 years sober (I am 47). The person's window I tried to smash, I have since apologised to him and he took it very well. I have friends that I pushed away back in my life. One I think is probably irreparable but who knows with more time? I haven't done or said one thing I regret in the last 2 years. I havent had to wake up (come to) and wonder who I upset the night before, whether I had given my daughter dinner or not, had to phone in hungover and sick for work. I haven't lost any keys, phones or my purse whilst wasted. I havent had to put my mum and dad through any more worry about whether I am ok or if their granddaughter is ok. Most and best of all I haven't had to experience those crushing feelings of guilt, despair, shame and terror. Not once!

It is only too late for you once you are 6 feet under! Whilst you are alive and breathing there is HOPE. I thought I was hopeless but I was wrong. You can start saving your life right now. Can you get to an AA meeting? I got into AA, got numbers from other alcoholics, prayed, went to meetings, got a sponsor, worknthe steps, I joined the class of April 2019 and posted daily. I was on SR constantly. I watched documentaries and read books on alcoholism I listened to recovery podcasts and AA speakers on you tube. I practiced gratitude daily. All of these I stil do. I have to but I also want to . You are welcome to pm me anytime. You are amongst others who GET IT and you are so worth it.

Lots of Love

🙏❤🙏❤

Edited to add. ... do not think about never drinking again. That seems like an impossible and overwhelming task. Keep everything the the today. All you have to do is not drink today. One day at a time my lovely ❤
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Old 03-16-2020, 03:33 AM
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Samantha
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Originally Posted by snitch View Post
What really helped me was when I went through the Doctors Opinion in the Big Book. I found I have a physical allergy to alcohol. When I take a drink I set off the phenomenan of craving. A physical compulsion to want drink after drink after drink. It is just the way my body reacts to alcohol. That is why us as alcoholics are unable to control our drinking. That is why it is nothing to do with willpower. That is why we will never ne able to drink moderately or safely even after long periods of abstinence. So if I do not put a drink in me I cannot set off the craving, I cannot get drunk. Yipppee!

However, the Doctor's Opinion taught me that alcoholism is a 2 fold illness. The physical allergy PLUS the obsession of the mind. If we do not put a drink in us we cannot get drunk right? Simple. But that leaves us with the mental obsession. That yearning to take a drink despite all the bad crap that happens to us when we do. So alcoholism actually centres in the mind. That is why alcoholics need some type of recovery plan.

In the early days/months when I wanted to drink so badly I would constantly use the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change the fact that I am an alcololic. That my body reacts differently to "normal" drinkers. That is a FACT

The courage to change the things I can. I can work a recovery plan daily. I will go to any lengths to stay sober. I will make sobriety my number one priority. I will do whatever it takes to not pick up thst first drink. I can change my attitude from poor me to Thank God I am alive and all I have to do is stay away from one little drink, one day at a time.

I would repeat this over and over every time I wanted to drink.

After my last drunken binge I too had engaged in awful behaviours whilst drunk. Some I had brief recollection of, others not so much. I tried to smash a window of someone I knew who I held a resentment towards by throwing a block of wood at it and subsequently was visited by the police. I phoned in sick for work and had no recollection what I had said to my manager or how I sounded. I sent abusive text messages to people. Once I came out of that binge I was in a kind of shock. I thought ok, well I cannot change what has happened so I will have to just deal with the consequences when and if they arrive. But my priority was getting and staying sober. Luckily work seemed to be ok. I did lose some friends and was probably the talk of the town. But I knew at this point that I wasn't a bad person. I was just really really sick. And I had to get myself well. Everything else had to wait . I had to get well for me and for my daughter.

I am nearly 2 years sober (I am 47). The person's window I tried to smash, I have since apologised to him and he took it very well. I have friends that I pushed away back in my life. One I think is probably irreparable but who knows with more time? I haven't done or said one thing I regret in the last 2 years. I havent had to wake up (come to) and wonder who I upset the night before, whether I had given my daughter dinner or not, had to phone in hungover and sick for work. I haven't lost any keys, phones or my purse whilst wasted. I havent had to put my mum and dad through any more worry about whether I am ok or if their granddaughter is ok. Most and best of all I haven't had to experience those crushing feelings of guilt, despair, shame and terror. Not once!

It is only too late for you once you are 6 feet under! Whilst you are alive and breathing there is HOPE. I thought I was hopeless but I was wrong. You can start saving your life right now. Can you get to an AA meeting? I got into AA, got numbers from other alcoholics, prayed, went to meetings, got a sponsor, worknthe steps, I joined the class of April 2019 and posted daily. I was on SR constantly. I watched documentaries and read books on alcoholism I listened to recovery podcasts and AA speakers on you tube. I practiced gratitude daily. All of these I stil do. I have to but I also want to . You are welcome to pm me anytime. You are amongst others who GET IT and you are so worth it.

Lots of Love

🙏❤🙏❤

Edited to add. ... do not think about never drinking again. That seems like an impossible and overwhelming task. Keep everything the the today. All you have to do is not drink today. One day at a time my lovely ❤
I private messaged you. Thank you.
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Old 03-16-2020, 04:05 AM
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One day at a time 🙏
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Old 03-16-2020, 04:43 AM
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I try not to focus on it but when the feelings get a little stronger I tell myself I don't have to quit forever. I only have to quit for today.

You are giving too much power to the addiction. We cannot predict the future thus we should not worry about the future.
Just stay sober today

Good luck
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Old 03-16-2020, 06:42 AM
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Samantha
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Originally Posted by fishkiller View Post
I try not to focus on it but when the feelings get a little stronger I tell myself I don't have to quit forever. I only have to quit for today.

You are giving too much power to the addiction. We cannot predict the future thus we should not worry about the future.
Just stay sober today

Good luck
Sober today. Working. Hungover as hell.
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Old 03-16-2020, 07:08 AM
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Originally Posted by anxiousrock View Post
I know I am an alcoholic. I feel like I cant recover because I cant accept the fact I'll never drink again. How do you do it? Please help me.
How does a person diagnosed with diabetes stop eating sugar?

Right now you've programmed yourself to drink. With time, and a new structure of thinking and doing, change happens. Hopefully you wont want to drink, cravings will subside, and the thoughts that will stick are how drinking didn't work for you, and was damaging to your life, and all you hope to obtain.
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Old 03-16-2020, 08:06 AM
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Originally Posted by anxiousrock View Post
Sober today. Working. Hungover as hell.
That's good. You've still got a job! Just don't 'reward' yourself later and end up staying on this not-so-merry-go-round.
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Old 03-16-2020, 08:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Lines View Post
How does a person diagnosed with diabetes stop eating sugar?

Right now you've programmed yourself to drink. With time, and a new structure of thinking and doing, change happens. Hopefully you wont want to drink, cravings will subside, and the thoughts that will stick are how drinking didn't work for you, and was damaging to your life, and all you hope to obtain.
Love this.
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Old 03-16-2020, 08:41 AM
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Originally Posted by anxiousrock View Post
I know I am an alcoholic. I feel like I cant recover because I cant accept the fact I'll never drink again. How do you do it? Please help me.
Normally, the urge to drink disappears. Hard to imagine, right? But it does. Along with that, when you learn to recognize your "alcoholic voice" telling you a drink would be OK, you just ignore it the way you would a petulant child. I experience no sense of longing or regret in regards to alcohol. If anything, I get an urge to say, "Yuck."

I think a person runs into trouble by not being committed to abstinence. If you long to be able to have just one drink at a wedding, you are not all in, and you will be easily tempted. If you envision a special hardship that requires alcohol, you won't be all in.

For me, I was so sick of being a slave to alcohol, that I embraced abstinence quite easily as soon as I was told it was necessary. I had tried moderation unsuccessfully for so many years, and my drinking only got worse. I was sick of it. So I sort of jumped into the commitment to never drink again, almost not even knowing if it was possible.

Turns out it was a waste of worry. I took to sobriety like a duck to water once I was past the cravings, and suddenly the belief that I might have to drink seemed like one of the silliest notions I ever had.

Yeah, I understand some of your fear. You are looking at a major change in life, but what you fear is mostly the unknown, because you don't really have an idea what to expect.
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Old 03-16-2020, 09:01 AM
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I feel like I cant recover because I cant accept the fact I'll never drink again.
I felt the same way. "Never" was way beyond my comprehension and acceptance. I was so desperate to recover though, that I could accept 15 minutes. I told myself "Hell anybody can not drink for 15 minutes!"I built my recovery in 15 minute increments. It was slow. It was painful. It was hard. But it grew! The more linked 15 minute increments I accrued, the more "never" faded from the scenario. "Never" doesn't even matter anymore. I am happy about not drinking so "never" is a non-issue. In one week, I celebrate 17 years of recovery.
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