OtterIsland

I’m struggling to break this ugly cycle...and it’s so hard to tell whether I want sobriety or if I can find my sobriety....but it just seems never ending.....failure after endless failure....I just have not found what works for me. But something inside keeps telling me to try and try again and that I’ll find what works one day....but will that be too late for me??

I didn’t drink today....so that’s one step....and right now I don’t want to drink again....but why does it always change on me?

Dee74

I think if you give sobriety a chance- day by day you'll find it works for you.
Its while a difficult transition period but get through that (with our help and any other support you might have) and you'll see what i mean

D

OtterIsland

Wastinglife

I certainly relate. I joined this site in 2012. I have been on a neverending cycle of drink, sober up, drink etc. ever since. I get overwhelmed with anxiety and stress often. I have not found a way to cope with it yet. Currently, I am on day 5. Trying again. Never stop trying is my only advice.

Dee74

I'm going to repeat myself cos you have heard some of this before for me, I'm sure.

If you haven't already, stop drinking - see your Dr if you're concerned about withdrawal,

Get into the habit of logging in here daily or more than daily.

Read around, find out what other people are doing to stay sober - post to others too - helping them helps you.

Join a thread like the Class of March 2020

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-one-16.html

the weekender thread

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-2020-a-3.html (Dancing in the rain this weekend - Weekenders 13 - 16 March 2020)

and/or the 24 hours connection thread

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...t-478-a-8.html (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 478)

also feel free to start as many of your own threads as you need. Commit to coming here instead everything you want to drink.

Let us help you make good decisions.

D

least

You will break the drinking cycle when you want to be sober more than you want to drink. Not easy, but a simple concept.

OtterIsland

Dee74

I thought I'd be fighting it for the rest of my life too, but I'm not

We change and grow in recovery - we no longer want the things we used to.

Give it a try again!

D

fini

hey OtterIsland,
getting engaged with others daily on a recovery forum was huge for me.
as was living through urges of “needneedneed” a drink, because i knew that made no sense after the physical stuff was past.
what sitting in “need” showed me was seeing things i really needed: comfort, company, understanding, stress relief, courage, distraction...whatever.
know that you do not need wine, and soberly you can figure out what it is you really need in those moments of overwhelming need and fear of sober living. then you have a chance to bring what you really need into your life. or to just let it in.

least

I was fighting the problem of 'wanting to drink' at around 3 months sober until it was suggested that I start practicing gratitude every day. I did, I made it a habit, and it helped my sobriety a lot. Try that. When you wake up, find at least one thing to be grateful for, no matter how big or small. And when you go to sleep, give thanks for at least one thing, no matter how big or small.

Try it!

Kjma

Welcome! You could also check out Annie Grace's Alcohol Experiment. It's a free, month long online workshop with lots of good info. I bet you could really relate to her.

BeckoningCat

Wow this looks like a really interesting resource. There's all of these cool tools out there to help people, and I have never even heard of these things... it was just me who wasn't ready to look for them I guess.

DriGuy

There's a lot going on in your first post. As to whether you want to quit drinking or not, I can see it as both. You obviously want to because you are trying to do that right now. You also find yourself thinking maybe you don't want to quit. Well, it's possible you don't really want to quit. Are you doing this for someone else? It's also possible, and even likely, that thoughts about not wanting to quit are just your "alcoholic voice" (look it up) making excuses to fall for the temptation every alcoholic fights. But you said you keep trying in spite of failure after failure. Yeah, I think you want to quit, and if you are like the rest of us, you probably want it to be easy. And there's a rub.

Plain and simple, it's not easy, but the good news is that it's not as hard as you think either, and with every "sacrifice" you make, there is a reward, although you may have to look for it and may not see it right away. The rewards are often just around the corner, sometimes small, but always adding up.

And as for one of your questions, it's never too late, but putting it off til later will make it (1 )harder and (2) deny you the rewards you can have now. Now is a good time. You may still have a few more failed attempts to get out of the way. Before I actually quit, I stumbled all over the place, sometimes in my mind, and other times right out on the sidewalk. There ought to be a name for the phase you are in right now, because it's common for all of us who eventually do quit.

A big part of addiction is psychological. Withdrawal for me was mostly in my head, but I did have mild physical symptoms too. And addiction knows no difference between a bad day at work, or a need to celebrate. Just feed your alcoholic voice with what it wants. That's the nature of addiction. I would recommend not even including your good days, bad days, relationship problems into your reasons for drinking. Addiction doesn't care about anything other than another buzz.

As for what to do next, hang out here and read, you will find areas where we all agree about what we need to do, consider these and commit yourself to the things that make sense. Get information. Not every posts contains what you need, but there is a lot of common wisdom laced into the threads, so reading will help point you in the right direction.

This is the beginning of what is potentially a very rewarding journey. I wouldn't trade my life now for anything. Sobriety is not a nagging deprivation. It's happy and content.

ShilohWon

And get to work on the steps. If you are here asking questions, you know you need help.

brighterday1234

Derringer

If you don't have any alcohol for 24 hrs, you're sober.

Tah dah .... easy.

The real question after that 24 hrs therefore becomes

Now what ?

What are you prepared to do to maintain past 24hrs ?

So .... what have you tried ?

Throw your willpower at it.

Get some cyber support.

Seek f2f professional support

Seek non professional f2f support

Read some books

Work a program

There is something that will work for most people and the only limitation is usually how much pride are you prepared to swallow to go get the required help.

OtterIsland

I've tried a lot since September 2010 when I realized I had an issue....and I've achieved 11 months sober once and 9 months another time and many times I've gone 6-8 weeks without, but then returned to drinking.

I'm here to hear ideas....I'm not opposed to returning to AA, which I attended during both of my long term stints of sobriety. In order to go back to AA I really, really need to swallow a ton of pride, push aside some really strong feelings from prior experiences in some meetings and see how it goes. And I will give that some strong thoughtful attention in the coming days and weeks. I'm not sure if they are still holding in person meetings in my area right now but I can easily find out.

I look forward to the days of happiness and feeling content....

Dee74

a plan is a really good thing to have. Even If you've read this link before I recommend reading it again and thinking about it.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

D

OtterIsland

Thanks, Dee. I've printed it and left it on my desk to read in the morning.

FeelingGreat

I was like that too, and I imagine most people on this forum were as well. If you stop drinking, and get through the first few months, that feeling of needing will go away because you will have retrained your brain. Currently it's looking for any excuse to drink, but you can replace that craving with other habits. Mine was a cup of tea after work.

I suggest you keep working on your motivation by hanging around here and reading, as well as educating yourself on the harm alcohol can do in the long term. I found reading up on the stages of alcoholism very motivating. Support from your doctor or AA or some other program can make a real difference as well.