Meth addicted boyfriend broke up with me.
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Join Date: Mar 2020
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Meth addicted boyfriend broke up with me.
I am new to this forum. I am struggling with my feelings. Hoping to get some better understanding about my situation. I was committed to my meth addicted boyfriend for the past two years. He has broken up with me 3 previous times saying that he doesn’t have time for us, even though he finds time to spend with other people. Every time he did this he ended up in jail for positive UAs. He has been in a drug and alcohol court program for the past four months and was in a work release program prior to that. He is currently living in a sober living home. We have not lived together for close to a year. He is subject to random UAs, but it seems that even when he has more “strikes” than he is allowed in the program he is in, the court system gives him another chance. Approximately one month ago he told me and his Dad that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Two weeks later he voiced that his feelings weren’t as strong for me, and he didn’t have a reason why. He again said that he didn’t have time for us, but he is spending time with “David” so he says. Also found out he is on an online dating site POF. While we were living together I found other girl pictures on his phone. Two weeks ago he missed a UA, missed a class, and was in trouble at the thrift store he works at. Said he was hospitalized for the flu and couldn’t get his UA or class done. Next court date is March 16. We have not talked since February 25th. Sometimes I feel strong and other times so sad. I have also caught him in multiple lies. Really struggling with my feeling. I have never used drugs.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
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I feel for you, it must be so confusing. He really won't be in his right mind and has a very long journey ahead of him one way or the other. I broke a few hearts when I was drinking, I feel so guilty about that. I'm pretty sure most people will say that you have dodged a bullet here. Go onto the friends and family section, they will help you through this x
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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I[m sorry for what brings you here but think you should be grateful he has ended it. You deserve so much better than a man who lies to you, uses dating sites, is a drug addict and has no respect for you and doesn;t cherish you. Maybe it would be a good time to work on yourself and your self esteem to realise that you really do deserve better and not settle for a man who treats you like rubbish.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sbVPcPL30xc
I just don't believe him Dragonflydreams. You are worth better. Much better.
I just don't believe him Dragonflydreams. You are worth better. Much better.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,550
When I say "I just don't believe him", sweetiepie, I guess all I mean is that he could take a long time to get it together for himself and would not like to see you wasting so much time of your own.
I do hope he gets it together for himself.
I do hope he gets it together for himself.
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Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 15
Thank you everyone for your support and replies. I am reading everything I can on codependency and am also seeing a therapist to figure out why I stayed in the relationship so long. For some reason I keep focusing on him being with other girls. Last time I saw him he was dressing differently and acting differently. Do you think he is still using even in the sober house? I am trying to stay detached and not reaching out to him. All of his stuff is in my garage. He hasn’t called about it, like he doesn’t even care. Just hard to understand how quickly his feelings change. This is the longest he has stayed away. Wondering if I will hear from him again. Hoping I am strong enough to not get sucked back into the craziness if he does call. I was always anxious wondering what was going on - like being in a personal hell. Nothing made sense. Intimacy had been awful between us for quite awhile. He really didn’t have a sex drive. Said he wasn’t able to take care of himself either. He had to use Biafra, and that really didn’t work either. He was never able to climax. Guess that is why I don’t understand him reaching out to trashy girls on his phone
. I just don’t get any of this. Could he really be happy with someone else right now? Last time we talked he said he loves me very much. Makes no sense
when he told the court he was hospitalized, he had no paperwork to back it up. If he gets 3 strikes in his phase of the program, he is supposed to be revoked and then go to prison for 8 years. I don’t even understand why this hurts so much. I should be glad he is out of my life.
. I just don’t get any of this. Could he really be happy with someone else right now? Last time we talked he said he loves me very much. Makes no sensewhen he told the court he was hospitalized, he had no paperwork to back it up. If he gets 3 strikes in his phase of the program, he is supposed to be revoked and then go to prison for 8 years. I don’t even understand why this hurts so much. I should be glad he is out of my life.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 464
I'm not a therapist, but it sounds like he failed you....not the other way around.
So, don't blame yourself for his behavior. It's not your fault.
If it's not meant to work out between him and you... then it simply won't. If you're the only one working to manage or heal a relationship...then there isn't really a relationship...you're working alone.
D
So, don't blame yourself for his behavior. It's not your fault.
If it's not meant to work out between him and you... then it simply won't. If you're the only one working to manage or heal a relationship...then there isn't really a relationship...you're working alone.
D
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
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I'm so sorry for your situation dragonflydreams.
Based on what you have said, Least is absolutely correct and the relationship is not a good fit for you. It sounds like if you try to hold on, you will just get drug down into the gutter with him. Is that what you are looking for in life right now? The best case scenario is that you put this behind you and move on so you can have positive energy in your life. Can you have one of his friends come and get his belongings?
Based on what you have said, Least is absolutely correct and the relationship is not a good fit for you. It sounds like if you try to hold on, you will just get drug down into the gutter with him. Is that what you are looking for in life right now? The best case scenario is that you put this behind you and move on so you can have positive energy in your life. Can you have one of his friends come and get his belongings?
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Location: Toronto
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Meth has very harsh effects on the brain. I don't mean while someone is actively using, that's obvious. When a meth addict stops using, it takes months to years for their brains to heal. It changes the wiring of the brain and damages the reward system. Depending on how long and how frequently he used, it may take a while.
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Location: NSW - Australia
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Sorry I called you sweetiepie, Dragonflydreams. I had just responded to sweetiepie, and she was still on my mind. She is doing well, by the way 
The reason he is able to talk to "trashy girls" on his his phone is because that sort of talk doesn't take any thought. Intimacy is different. Meth does that.
For what it's worth, nothing will come of that for him either, or the poor trashy girls who talk to him. It's all sad and horrible. Meth does that too. And unless he gets it together it is only going to get worse.
He could be using in the soberhouse Dragonfly. It happens.
Don't get sucked in Dragonflydreams. You've got a dream, and he's making that beautiful dream a nightmare.
Try and do something really nurturing for yourself today, and don't forget to hold the line.
The reason he is able to talk to "trashy girls" on his his phone is because that sort of talk doesn't take any thought. Intimacy is different. Meth does that.
For what it's worth, nothing will come of that for him either, or the poor trashy girls who talk to him. It's all sad and horrible. Meth does that too. And unless he gets it together it is only going to get worse.
He could be using in the soberhouse Dragonfly. It happens.
Don't get sucked in Dragonflydreams. You've got a dream, and he's making that beautiful dream a nightmare.
Try and do something really nurturing for yourself today, and don't forget to hold the line.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 15
This is a great place for support. Finally able to open up because you all understand. Was really struggling and feeling alone with thoughts of him being with other girls. Meth is awful! Thank you so much for your comments on the girls. It gave me some peace. Haven’t been sleeping well with my mind full of these thoughts. I know it is going to take awhile for the hurt to stop. One day at a time. So thankful for you and your supportive comments.
. Finally able to open up because you all understand. Was really struggling and feeling alone with thoughts of him being with other girls. Meth is awful! Thank you so much for your comments on the girls. It gave me some peace. Haven’t been sleeping well with my mind full of these thoughts. I know it is going to take awhile for the hurt to stop. One day at a time. So thankful for you and your supportive comments. Member
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Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Steely 
Sorry I called you sweetiepie, Dragonflydreams. I had just responded to sweetiepie, and she was still on my mind. She is doing well, by the way
The reason he is able to talk to "trashy girls" on his his phone is because that sort of talk doesn't take any thought. Intimacy is different. Meth does that.
For what it's worth, nothing will come of that for him either, or the poor trashy girls who talk to him. It's all sad and horrible. Meth does that too. And unless he gets it together it is only going to get worse.
He could be using in the soberhouse Dragonfly. It happens.
Don't get sucked in Dragonflydreams. You've got a dream, and he's making that beautiful dream a nightmare.
Try and do something really nurturing for yourself today, and don't forget to hold the line.
The reason he is able to talk to "trashy girls" on his his phone is because that sort of talk doesn't take any thought. Intimacy is different. Meth does that.
For what it's worth, nothing will come of that for him either, or the poor trashy girls who talk to him. It's all sad and horrible. Meth does that too. And unless he gets it together it is only going to get worse.
He could be using in the soberhouse Dragonfly. It happens.
Don't get sucked in Dragonflydreams. You've got a dream, and he's making that beautiful dream a nightmare.
Try and do something really nurturing for yourself today, and don't forget to hold the line.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Wastinglife
Meth has very harsh effects on the brain. I don't mean while someone is actively using, that's obvious. When a meth addict stops using, it takes months to years for their brains to heal. It changes the wiring of the brain and damages the reward system. Depending on how long and how frequently he used, it may take a while.
I think he has used for like 12 years. Daily for a lot of that time
. That is what he said anyway.Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,620
Hi DFD, sorry you are going through this.
You have had lots of wise advice here, you may also want to visit the Friends & Family sections of SoberRecovery, I see you have found the F&F of substance abusers forum but you may also want to look at the alcoholics forum:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Lots of really good threads there you can probably relate to and also a great stickies section at the top, in particular this section:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
You have had lots of wise advice here, you may also want to visit the Friends & Family sections of SoberRecovery, I see you have found the F&F of substance abusers forum but you may also want to look at the alcoholics forum:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Lots of really good threads there you can probably relate to and also a great stickies section at the top, in particular this section:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
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