Need some advice

Old 03-09-2020, 10:14 AM
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Need some advice

Hello everyone, I hope everyone is doing well. Im in need of some advice. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I’m not sure if some of you remember my story. My AXH has a gf. I’ve had problems with her regarding her past history of violence. Family history of gang and drug trafficking. For those reasons, I do not allow my children to be around her. Besides that I’m having concerns about her behavior. I’ve spotted her in my neighborhood for the last year. It sometime is 3-4 times a month. She is across the street at my neighborhood park. I know it’s a park so it’s public. Last year, she was showing up with other lady to pick up some kids (not hers) at my sons catechism class. As my son and I were walking to my car she was stopped waiting there then as we approached she left. I wasn’t sure what the intend for that was. I was alarmed. I told my ex. I got no response. I sent her a letter shortly after that in the mail telling her to stay away from my home, kids, kids school. She replied back in the mail “You need God in your life. I will pray for you : )” She still continued to show up around my home. I went to police they took a report and told me that they couldn’t do anything because there is no protection order. I’ve been documenting every time I see her. Yesterday, I was walking out of my house to throw trash in the morning. I turned and looked towards the park. She was stand there looking at me. She was parked directly across the street. I would say 100 feet to 150 feet from my property. She was with other people. It appeared as if they were playing “baseball.” She doesn’t live in my area and she herself lived near a park. I told my ex this we got into an argument. He was defending her. I believe she is watching my home. I am having work done on my home so everytime I walked outside and was there staring at me. I feel so uncomfortable and not safe. I added a doorbell camera last year. I don’t know what else to do?
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Old 03-09-2020, 10:50 AM
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Stalking

It sounds like she is stalking you which in most states is a crime.

i would do two things.

1. Contact a private investigator and for a relatively low cost get a full background to see if she has a history of violence or arrests in any state. If she has beenmentally unstable that will most likely be confidential unless you have a pi do a more expensive investigation by interviewing.

2. Contact your on call prosecutor at the state attorney or district attorneys office and describe behaviors to see if they fit your states legal definition of stalking.

i will add a 3... controversial... I believe in self defense instruction and training including firearms training and concealed weapon permits.

i have been a survivor of my qualifier attacking me 3 months post divorce by splintering my door with a lead pipe. I didn’t kill him... I had left my gun at the office... that never happened again after I sent him my target practice silhouettes...

He died in his addiction and I am glad I didn’t stand over him in a pool of blood and face my kids with having offed thier crazy dad....

but... I am lucky my being on my knees begging him to let me live was enough to save my life that night...

Hadnt shared that story before...... my crime? I started dating...🙄
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Old 03-09-2020, 11:42 AM
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Document all of this as it happens. Consider putting outdoor cams in place in addition to the doorbell cam. I agree with the controversial #3 above.
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Old 03-09-2020, 12:26 PM
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I agree. And keep a taser with you and out when going from the car to the inside of the home if you don't have a garage.

So sorry you are going through this.
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Old 03-09-2020, 01:54 PM
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Yep, I would do all of the above. What about taking photos each time you see her and documenting. I don’t know if that is a good idea or not, but if I had intent to harm or intimidate, I would not want pictures to document my stalking. It might make her back off.

What do others think of this idea?
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Old 03-10-2020, 04:51 AM
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Thank you for all the advice. I appreciate it.

I have a lot of pictures. Everytime she is near my home parked I take a photo of her truck and of her. I’m pretty sure she sees me standing outside of my home taking pictures but I don’t believe she cares. I am gonna call my alarm company to see if I can get an additional camera on the outside of my house. I am also having work done on my fence, replacing wood for block fencing. I send an email to myself everytime she comes around such date, time, and pictures attached. I am going to look up my states laws about this to see if I have enough to file for a restraining order. I do carry pepper spray with me and I have a taser in my car. I stress every week about this. I don’t understand what type of a woman especially a mother does this.
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Old 03-10-2020, 05:11 AM
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Attempting to understand illogical, ill behaviors is a misdirection of energy. Being tied up in the sick behaviors, mentally and physically, is often exactly the result the abuser is enjoying.

My abuse recovery centers have helped immensely. So has Al-Anon. (((hugs)))

You don't deserve this abuse and these threatening behaviors.
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Old 03-10-2020, 05:16 AM
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She would do these things in order to hurt you.

Accepting this allows moving ahead. Looking for healthy support networks can be life-changing.
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Old 03-10-2020, 06:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Mango212 View Post
She would do these things in order to hurt you.

Accepting this allows moving ahead. Looking for healthy support networks can be life-changing.
Thank you for putting that into perspective for me Mango. I try to give a person the benefit of the doubt sometimes or try to understand where they are coming from. But as you stated it is a waste of my energy.
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Old 03-11-2020, 09:10 AM
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Old 03-11-2020, 09:37 AM
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When I have allowed an opening to seeing unhealthy relationships, or unhealthy behaviors in otherwise good relationships, I'm learning to pause, step back, connect with people in my recovery support networks and allow God room to transform my life.
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Old 04-19-2020, 11:48 AM
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mamabear, how are you doing?
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