Its been two weeks and im worried
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 7
Its been two weeks and im worried
Hi everyone I'm new here and happy to have found this forum. I'll try not to be so long winded here. 2017, I met this guy. He told me upfront he was in recovery and suffering from two mental health issues. Me not judging, I continued contact. We blossomed. April 2018 his BESTFRIEND O.D'd and died. My friend relapsed and hid it. I knew nothing of signs or anything of the realm of drugs.
He cleaned me out financially. And we became a couple in 2018. I was there for him!! He met my kids, I finally met his son! Towards the fall of 2018 I noticed things. My bank account was so low, I was ashamed. He always was taking off on me to go "out west". The excuses were believable. His behavior, more aggressive. Not eating a lot if I'd cooked. Putting his hands on me, shoving me. OCTOBER HE TOOK MY CAR. Turns out, he traded it to go use. *still heartbroken after all this time about that one*
He went to jail. I bailed him out after understand he was an addict. He went to rehab. 2019 I knew more. Read and researched more for my benefit and his. Put my foot down more. He was depressed more last year. Not working. It was hard to keep a job with his conditions. It was hard to care for him too. February he was high in the house with all the kids there. HE SCARED THE **** OUTTA ME BECAUSE I FINALLY SAW IT. Made a scene. My sis came and we put him out. I sent his son home. A week later he popped up at my home, begged me for money and I went to atm with him so that he was away from the house where my kids were. I wasn't giving him money, stalling. He tried forcing me.... Basically trying to rob me at atm. The 7ELEVEN staff intervened and told him to go while I ran in stock room. I talked to police. Nothing happened, of course he was long gone. I put his things out. Trash collected them.
May 2019 we talked about things. He was sober. We tried again and I went over my conditions. He agreed. September he relapses while I'm at work with my kids there. I left work. My sister was there before me. He left after she confronted him. I was done. I saw paraphernalia in my room. I was hurt so bad I was shaking.
Dec 2019 he enters rehab. His relapses are so close together I can't call it anymore. Or maybe he's an active user but we're not together so I can't constantly see. But ever since we parted after September, it's a constant revolve around 3/4 houses, the streets and a treatment center. We always talked no matter what. He always got in touch with me. NOW HE'S GONE. ITS PAST TWO WEEKS AND EVEN A WEEK IS UNHEARD OF FROM NOT HEARING FROM HIM. IDK WHAT TO DO! SHOULD I GET INVOLVED BUT AM I EVEN READY TO HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS! IM AFRAID, I HAVE NO ONE TO TELL AND IM DEPRESSED! I STILL LOVE HIM AND I JUST WANT TO KNOW HE'S OK AT LEAST
He cleaned me out financially. And we became a couple in 2018. I was there for him!! He met my kids, I finally met his son! Towards the fall of 2018 I noticed things. My bank account was so low, I was ashamed. He always was taking off on me to go "out west". The excuses were believable. His behavior, more aggressive. Not eating a lot if I'd cooked. Putting his hands on me, shoving me. OCTOBER HE TOOK MY CAR. Turns out, he traded it to go use. *still heartbroken after all this time about that one*
He went to jail. I bailed him out after understand he was an addict. He went to rehab. 2019 I knew more. Read and researched more for my benefit and his. Put my foot down more. He was depressed more last year. Not working. It was hard to keep a job with his conditions. It was hard to care for him too. February he was high in the house with all the kids there. HE SCARED THE **** OUTTA ME BECAUSE I FINALLY SAW IT. Made a scene. My sis came and we put him out. I sent his son home. A week later he popped up at my home, begged me for money and I went to atm with him so that he was away from the house where my kids were. I wasn't giving him money, stalling. He tried forcing me.... Basically trying to rob me at atm. The 7ELEVEN staff intervened and told him to go while I ran in stock room. I talked to police. Nothing happened, of course he was long gone. I put his things out. Trash collected them.
May 2019 we talked about things. He was sober. We tried again and I went over my conditions. He agreed. September he relapses while I'm at work with my kids there. I left work. My sister was there before me. He left after she confronted him. I was done. I saw paraphernalia in my room. I was hurt so bad I was shaking.
Dec 2019 he enters rehab. His relapses are so close together I can't call it anymore. Or maybe he's an active user but we're not together so I can't constantly see. But ever since we parted after September, it's a constant revolve around 3/4 houses, the streets and a treatment center. We always talked no matter what. He always got in touch with me. NOW HE'S GONE. ITS PAST TWO WEEKS AND EVEN A WEEK IS UNHEARD OF FROM NOT HEARING FROM HIM. IDK WHAT TO DO! SHOULD I GET INVOLVED BUT AM I EVEN READY TO HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS! IM AFRAID, I HAVE NO ONE TO TELL AND IM DEPRESSED! I STILL LOVE HIM AND I JUST WANT TO KNOW HE'S OK AT LEAST
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Daisydaf...
Welcome. I'm glad you found us. Other members will surely be by in the hours and the days to come to provide you feedback and support. Until then, here are some of my thoughts.
Part of the recovery process for us, as people who've been caught in the gravitational field of an addict, is to honestly assess our own choices and our decisions. And that's not easy, but it's necessary if we want to a) get better and b) learn from our experiences. Based on that, allow me to gently suggest you focus less on him and more on you.
Make sure you're taking care of yourself. Make sure you're eating well and that you're hydrating. Try to get a bit of exercise in. Read as many posts from our members as you can, for their wisdom is priceless. And remember that you're going to have good days and bad days as your work your way through this.
Hang in there.
Welcome. I'm glad you found us. Other members will surely be by in the hours and the days to come to provide you feedback and support. Until then, here are some of my thoughts.
Part of the recovery process for us, as people who've been caught in the gravitational field of an addict, is to honestly assess our own choices and our decisions. And that's not easy, but it's necessary if we want to a) get better and b) learn from our experiences. Based on that, allow me to gently suggest you focus less on him and more on you.
Make sure you're taking care of yourself. Make sure you're eating well and that you're hydrating. Try to get a bit of exercise in. Read as many posts from our members as you can, for their wisdom is priceless. And remember that you're going to have good days and bad days as your work your way through this.
Hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by zoso77 
Daisydaf...
Welcome. I'm glad you found us. Other members will surely be by in the hours and the days to come to provide you feedback and support. Until then, here are some of my thoughts.
Part of the recovery process for us, as people who've been caught in the gravitational field of an addict, is to honestly assess our own choices and our decisions. And that's not easy, but it's necessary if we want to a) get better and b) learn from our experiences. Based on that, allow me to gently suggest you focus less on him and more on you.
Make sure you're taking care of yourself. Make sure you're eating well and that you're hydrating. Try to get a bit of exercise in. Read as many posts from our members as you can, for their wisdom is priceless. And remember that you're going to have good days and bad days as your work your way through this.
Hang in there.
Welcome. I'm glad you found us. Other members will surely be by in the hours and the days to come to provide you feedback and support. Until then, here are some of my thoughts.
Part of the recovery process for us, as people who've been caught in the gravitational field of an addict, is to honestly assess our own choices and our decisions. And that's not easy, but it's necessary if we want to a) get better and b) learn from our experiences. Based on that, allow me to gently suggest you focus less on him and more on you.
Make sure you're taking care of yourself. Make sure you're eating well and that you're hydrating. Try to get a bit of exercise in. Read as many posts from our members as you can, for their wisdom is priceless. And remember that you're going to have good days and bad days as your work your way through this.
Hang in there.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I can't add much to what Zoso (wise man) posted but I would also suggest you find a meeting of support...Al-anon, Nar-anon or CoDA are three good fellowships that can help you reclaim your life again and figure out why you allow anyone to treat you so poorly. You deserve better dear.
And one last thought...your children deserve better too. They are the innocents here.
Focus on you and getting yourself better, and I promise you that one day you will look back and wonder how you ever got in so deep in the first place.
Hugs
And one last thought...your children deserve better too. They are the innocents here.
Focus on you and getting yourself better, and I promise you that one day you will look back and wonder how you ever got in so deep in the first place.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Agreed, it's so very important to look at why you would have allowed him to treat you that way and Al Anon can help you do that.
I totally understand still being worried. This might sound trite but you really can't do anything for him. He is making the decisions on how he runs his life.
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it - all of these things are well beyond your power.
Maybe he is just fine but has found someone to bail him out, maybe he has hit rock bottom, who's to say, but the fact remains you are not in touch with him (out of your control) so worry about him is a waste of your time.
I know, that's easy for me to say, I'm not the one worried. But you can alleviate some of that, at least, by focusing on taking care of you and your children. Taking good care of yourself, doing things you enjoy, attending Al Anon for the fellowship there of people who will know exactly what you are talking about. All of these things will help to ease your mind.
Keep posting.
I totally understand still being worried. This might sound trite but you really can't do anything for him. He is making the decisions on how he runs his life.
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it - all of these things are well beyond your power.
Maybe he is just fine but has found someone to bail him out, maybe he has hit rock bottom, who's to say, but the fact remains you are not in touch with him (out of your control) so worry about him is a waste of your time.
I know, that's easy for me to say, I'm not the one worried. But you can alleviate some of that, at least, by focusing on taking care of you and your children. Taking good care of yourself, doing things you enjoy, attending Al Anon for the fellowship there of people who will know exactly what you are talking about. All of these things will help to ease your mind.
Keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Ann
I can't add much to what Zoso (wise man) posted but I would also suggest you find a meeting of support...Al-anon, Nar-anon or CoDA are three good fellowships that can help you reclaim your life again and figure out why you allow anyone to treat you so poorly. You deserve better dear.
And one last thought...your children deserve better too. They are the innocents here.
Focus on you and getting yourself better, and I promise you that one day you will look back and wonder how you ever got in so deep in the first place.
Hugs
And one last thought...your children deserve better too. They are the innocents here.
Focus on you and getting yourself better, and I promise you that one day you will look back and wonder how you ever got in so deep in the first place.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by HeadEast
With all due respect, have you thought about seeing a therapist about this? You aren't making good decisions here, and I think you need someone who can help you make sense out of it all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by trailmix
Agreed, it's so very important to look at why you would have allowed him to treat you that way and Al Anon can help you do that.
I totally understand still being worried. This might sound trite but you really can't do anything for him. He is making the decisions on how he runs his life.
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it - all of these things are well beyond your power.
Maybe he is just fine but has found someone to bail him out, maybe he has hit rock bottom, who's to say, but the fact remains you are not in touch with him (out of your control) so worry about him is a waste of your time.
I know, that's easy for me to say, I'm not the one worried. But you can alleviate some of that, at least, by focusing on taking care of you and your children. Taking good care of yourself, doing things you enjoy, attending Al Anon for the fellowship there of people who will know exactly what you are talking about. All of these things will help to ease your mind.
Keep posting.
I totally understand still being worried. This might sound trite but you really can't do anything for him. He is making the decisions on how he runs his life.
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it - all of these things are well beyond your power.
Maybe he is just fine but has found someone to bail him out, maybe he has hit rock bottom, who's to say, but the fact remains you are not in touch with him (out of your control) so worry about him is a waste of your time.
I know, that's easy for me to say, I'm not the one worried. But you can alleviate some of that, at least, by focusing on taking care of you and your children. Taking good care of yourself, doing things you enjoy, attending Al Anon for the fellowship there of people who will know exactly what you are talking about. All of these things will help to ease your mind.
Keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
ask yourself WHY you would want anything further to do with this person? he's wipe you out financially - meaning you cannot properly support your own children. he has used drugs in your home with your children present - which is inexcusable. he has been violent with you.
you have a choice to make - yourself and your children or The Insanity.
you have a choice to make - yourself and your children or The Insanity.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
ask yourself WHY you would want anything further to do with this person? he's wipe you out financially - meaning you cannot properly support your own children. he has used drugs in your home with your children present - which is inexcusable. he has been violent with you.
you have a choice to make - yourself and your children or The Insanity.
you have a choice to make - yourself and your children or The Insanity.
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