NicLin

Hi my dear SR family,

Having a wonderful day, sober and filled with beautiful moments.

End of my day, I went to a meeting, walked around my neighborhood (Miami is gorgeous and cool and the sunsets are magical) and got dinner alone, then went for ice cream. Alone. It is not that I don't have people to call, but I needed some space.

Nonetheless, I had a feeling of sadness at the fact that I am alone, or was at that moment. I know that I have so much, but I think about being in love, spending this beautiful time and life with someone who loves me. Who will go eat dinner and get ice cream with me.

I decided at the beginning of my sobriety to give myself time, a year and working the steps, getting through my healing and understanding of this program of recovery. I am laser focused on my recovery and do not date nor am intimate in any way with anyone. I keep friends and they know where I stand. But a year is a long time and I have so much love to give, it has always been in me and I want to share it even more so now that I am sober.

I have so much to be grateful for in this life. There is so much beauty and fun and love for me. Maybe it is the need for "more" always more. Maybe I am missing affection and a deep connection with someone.

Not sure if anyone here can relate but I love sharing with my SR family,
and I hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

Night.

Nic.

Kjma

I feel the same way. It is my intention to give myself a year to recover on my own before even thinking of dating, but it really would be nice to gave someone special to share my life with. What I keep telling myself is that I need/want to be the best me do that I attract my best partner. Being my best is going to take some time. Took me years to create this less than best self, so I can't rush turning that around.

It is nice to have the loving people on this site having our backs as we make that journey, isn't it.

Dee74

A year is not a bad suggestion, but it is only a suggestion. Some may feel ready before a year, some not.

My only word of caution (to anyone new) is - be honest with yourself...if you’re looking for a relationships to make you feel better, that’s not a million miles away from what we did as drinkers.

Get involved with someone by all means but do it because of who they are, not because the fill a void.

Tinkerbeau

I completely understand too, ive also chose to give myelf a year to sort of 'self isolate' and focus on getting well. But yes it is lonely and hard, but i was lonely and alone drinking too, often just making a fool of myself trying to date or being badly hurt the last time i tried. I guess the only real difference is ive stopped trying to hope or try any attempt for partnership, that way I'm thinking the loneliness will get easier. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else

Surrendered19

I think it is so important to be genuinely and completely content being on your own. Neediness is off-putting to healthy partners and I think humans are pretty keen at picking up on neediness. One concern too is that other needy folks will perhaps be who you attract. Then you have a potential mess. Confidence and contentment with yourself and where you are is what will make healthy interesting people curious about you.

nez

I am amazed at all the times the universe takes good care of me when I get out of my own way. I had given up looking for that someone special, when I met my wife. She was in exactly the same frame of mind. She felt good enough with her own company that if she was meant to trod along solo, so be it... when into the picture came me. Neither one of us was looking for someone...go figure!!! We have been together, best friends and lovers for 35 years now. I still can't fathom that. WTH do I know anyway! I should let go and get out of the way more often!

Steph1h2

Hi, Nic

I'm glad you had a wonderful day - Miami really does sound beautiful! Northern Ireland is beautiful also but it is very very cold right now lol...

Your post really jumped out at me...I'm feeling a lot of the same things that you are and at times it can bring feelings of sadness but I try and use them to push forward and work on myself so that hopefully one day in the near future I feel ready to get to know people and build on relationships in the hope of meeting someone special.

I, like you, feel that I have a lot of love to give and I do miss having someone to come home to and just have that "different" kind of relationship with where you can just be yourself and know someone inside out but I know that in order to love someone else wholeheartedly I need to love myself first.

As others have said, it may take a few months, a year or longer - We just have to ride it out and make the most of what we have right now.

I've never had a sober relationship which really makes me sad at times but I'm trying to use that negative energy to build stepping stones towards better relationships and experiencing new and exciting things - Maybe feelings that I've never felt before!

Your gratitude for life is beautiful and I'm sure when the time comes you will find someone special to share that deep connection with and begin another adventure

aasharon90

It never ceases to amaze me that when I live my recovery
program in all my affairs including turning to my Faith in
God of my understanding and up bringing or HP - Higher
Power.

When I stop running the show, relax and allow my HP
guide me, strengthen me, protect me, then in using my
recovery prayers memorized from the Big Book of AA
and other prayers and meditation learned thru out my
life, then I know my HP will provide me with what I need
and not what I want.

In learning lots of lessons in recovery and my program
of AA, I know that things will not happen in my time, but
in my HP's time. It will depend on how I am living my life
today in recovery, living honestly, being grateful for all
of the many blessings provided for me to live a healthy,
happy life I am enjoying today.

When I exited my 25 yr marriage to move back to my
home state of Louisiana with a new job, a job only provided
by my HP, a golden ticket as I call it, to make that move, I
wasn't scared to be living alone or by myself.

I knew id be returning to my AA family I had for the first
7 yrs of my sobriety, then 10 yrs living Houston. That comfort
and support as well as all the familiarity I soooo depended
on was there upon return.

When I wasn't asked to stay at the bank branch I had
applied for and worked in for several months didnt last
as I knew it wasn't suppose to. In prayers yrs earlier, I asked
for that opportunity to return to banking and a ticket back
home.

That is exactly what I was granted. A ticket, but not a permanent
job as a teller. Instead, after doing my footwork, I found another
job, another gift from Above working in a bakery. Sure I realized
that I wasn't gonna be making the amount of money I had in just
a few months at the bank, but the gift of what I did acquired allowed
me to get a head start in saving money for rent.

A few yrs passed and still in prayer and working my program,
I was once again taken care of in the way of someone I eventually
married after the divorce was finalized. See, my Father in heaven
doesn't want me to be looking for love in all the wrong folks or
in the wrong places.

So, he has blessed me with a wonderful man to continue
on my journey in life and recovery with and for that I am
truly grateful for it and him as we have been married for
11 yrs now.

As long as I live accordingly with faith and recovery,
then all my needs will be taken care of without question.

This is my experiences, strengths and hopes passed
on to you as you too find serenity and happiness
in all areas of your life using the tools and knowledge
provide to us thru recovery and life.

DriGuy

Loving someone is one of the most wonderful experiences in life, so it's not a surprise you are missing it. On the other hand, it can also be a bad experience, so you need to know what you are doing. I'm not sure about the one year thing in AA. It depends on the person, I think, but I'm quite certain that it doesn't apply to everyone.

I didn't date or get involved with anyone my first year. I would have if the right person had been there, but it was much later when I finally took on a relationship, which only lasted 6 months. It was wonderful, but I had to end it. Finding that right person is not easy. While it's wonderful when it happens, I find that I can be content by myself. I actually enjoy it very much. Part of that came with age and some soul searching. One of my pivotal moments was when I realized the vast difference between being alone and being lonely.

But I'm not blowing off your feelings. They are real, and I think you are going to be fine. Things can change in a hurry. You are open and smart, and those are good things to bring to a relationship.

brighterday1234

Derringer

We pick what we want, which isn't always what we need. But there is one who knows what you need and will provide if you keep out of his way 😉

Dee74

How are things NicLin?

D

comtnman740

Great post! I got into a relationship shortly after i got sober and feel like i truly missed out on the "working on myself piece" well up until now..lol. My girlfriend and I of 3 years recently broke up because that very reason. We realized that we both had to grow as people before we could be in a relationship. Not to say it's not easy because it ain't. I am lonely alot but am beginning to realize that as was said above that i'm responsible for my own happiness. I do miss the companionship though. I suppose that it boils down to like was said above is the 3rd step. Giving my life and my will over to the care of God..not to say it ain't easy but i know my way didn't work before. ; )
Hope you're having a peaceful day!

NicLin

Thanks for checking in on me Dee and for my sweet loving SR family for all of your words and advice and experiences.

I am reading all of this and feeling so much love and support from everyone, this is why i log on, because you all have loved me and supported me since even before I got sober. I thank you so so much.

The feelings are still here with me, they seem to be stronger sometimes and then fade away. I am still focusing on my step work but have been procrastinating on starting my 8th step (like I did with 4). I will do it, no doubt.

In these rough times and with the world turned upside down, my ego is really trying to sneak it's way in and I think that these feelings and thoughst of loneliness these days are my ego trying to get me away from my step work and from my truth; to focus on my recovery, have unwavering faith in my higher power and to dedicate myself to loving myself in the most supreme way - by healing.

Thank you for being here and I have the faith that we all deserve love and it is always in front of us in so many ways - tonight it was in my family, my being of service by speaking at a meeting, by fellowshipping with new girls who were amazing and open to me, and by logging on here.

Love you all,

Nic.