After 8 years...I messed up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: California
Posts: 382
After 8 years...I messed up
Hello to all. I haven't been on here in almost 2 years. Little back story...I decided to get sober back in June 2011. At the time I was unemployed and scared. I spent so many days on this site looking for answers to all my problems. The people on this site were awesome to me and helped me out so much. Life got so much easier as each month and year passed by.
Fast forward to July 2019. I start really thinking about alcohol again and thinking about how I'm in a different place in life...I've learned so much and how I know I could on occasion and not let it be a problem. So back last July I started to have drinks on occasion...probably once a week. Then I get to November and the use starts to become more and more and I'm doing it 3-4 times a week and in large amounts. I didn't realize how much I was consuming again until i started to notice the bad hangovers and the bad anxiety that was coming back. So i continued through the holidays and all the way up to Febuary of this year.
So Friday Feb 21 I hungout with someone and drank way too much and blacked out. Next morning I woke up and decided that I had to give it up again. I feel so ashamed and disappointed myself. To make 8 years of progress and to make a decision to throw it all away. I had made so much progress with my anxiety and now I'm sitting here dealing with the same anxiety i had 8 years ago. To top it off I had blood work done last week and my liver enzymes are elevated and my iron was low. So there's a lot for me to work on.
Today makes me 2 weeks sober. Feels so weird to say. I never ever would've imagined myself back starting over. I'm really down on myself and don't feel good but I know I have to stay positive. If I did it once, I can do it again.
Fast forward to July 2019. I start really thinking about alcohol again and thinking about how I'm in a different place in life...I've learned so much and how I know I could on occasion and not let it be a problem. So back last July I started to have drinks on occasion...probably once a week. Then I get to November and the use starts to become more and more and I'm doing it 3-4 times a week and in large amounts. I didn't realize how much I was consuming again until i started to notice the bad hangovers and the bad anxiety that was coming back. So i continued through the holidays and all the way up to Febuary of this year.
So Friday Feb 21 I hungout with someone and drank way too much and blacked out. Next morning I woke up and decided that I had to give it up again. I feel so ashamed and disappointed myself. To make 8 years of progress and to make a decision to throw it all away. I had made so much progress with my anxiety and now I'm sitting here dealing with the same anxiety i had 8 years ago. To top it off I had blood work done last week and my liver enzymes are elevated and my iron was low. So there's a lot for me to work on.
Today makes me 2 weeks sober. Feels so weird to say. I never ever would've imagined myself back starting over. I'm really down on myself and don't feel good but I know I have to stay positive. If I did it once, I can do it again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,572
You can do it again bigguyslimm, only this time you will have all the lessons learned during your eight years of sobriety. Fwiw, I picked up after 5 years and am now back on track. In some ways this time around has proven more meaningful.
Good on you 2 weeks. It'll build again and soon you'll reaching out to all those others who have experienced same.
Your knowledge is needed here.
Hope to see you around.
Good on you 2 weeks. It'll build again and soon you'll reaching out to all those others who have experienced same.
Your knowledge is needed here. Hope to see you around.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I'm sorry you went back to drinking BGS but I'm thrilled you made it back here.
I confused abstinence for control a few times too.
Once you get the lesson down about addition behind inherent and not dependent on situations or how life is going, I think it gets a little easier once we take drinking off the table, for good?
D
I confused abstinence for control a few times too.
Once you get the lesson down about addition behind inherent and not dependent on situations or how life is going, I think it gets a little easier once we take drinking off the table, for good?
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
Congratulations on the 8 years and for taking stock of where you are right now. As you shared, now is a good time to recommit to sobriety. You made it 8 years and Im sure learned a lot during that time that can help you move forward and regain your footing again.
I'v known a few people who have gone back to drinking after years of sobriety. Our lives change over the years, for better or worse, and that certainly can affect how we stay in recovery. This might be counter intuitive but a lot of people I've known who started drinking again did so after they had succeeded in in reaching a lot of life goals and their lives looked great from the outside.
The thing is with years of sobriety, it doesn't seem to take long to get back on a downward spiral with the drinking. One reason I heard was that the patterns of drinking are sort of embedded in our biology and psychology so we aren't starting over from day one but much closer to where we were when we stopped. It doesn't seem to take long to go from a few beers after work to out of control drinking in bars or alone when we go back to drinking.
I think we also remember the paths to recovery so we can put ourselves on the right road to getting right again. Go back to the things that worked and keep moving forward. Best wishes .
I'v known a few people who have gone back to drinking after years of sobriety. Our lives change over the years, for better or worse, and that certainly can affect how we stay in recovery. This might be counter intuitive but a lot of people I've known who started drinking again did so after they had succeeded in in reaching a lot of life goals and their lives looked great from the outside.
The thing is with years of sobriety, it doesn't seem to take long to get back on a downward spiral with the drinking. One reason I heard was that the patterns of drinking are sort of embedded in our biology and psychology so we aren't starting over from day one but much closer to where we were when we stopped. It doesn't seem to take long to go from a few beers after work to out of control drinking in bars or alone when we go back to drinking.
I think we also remember the paths to recovery so we can put ourselves on the right road to getting right again. Go back to the things that worked and keep moving forward. Best wishes .
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
I'm sorry that you have relapsed but you have a lot of experience to build on. You know how to get sober and how to live in recovery. Hopefully you will find support here and I'm glad you recognize that you can never drink again.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
I remember you, bigguy - I'm so glad you found your way back to us.
I did a similar thing after years of sobriety. I think I still held on to the belief that I could be a social drinker. I wish I had never been so foolish - it cost me dearly. However, it was the proof I finally needed that I can never touch a drop of alcohol. Sooner or later I'll crash and burn once again - and each time is worst than the last, with more destruction & chaos left in it's wake.
You're back with new resolve to get free of it. We know you can. Good to have you back.
I did a similar thing after years of sobriety. I think I still held on to the belief that I could be a social drinker. I wish I had never been so foolish - it cost me dearly. However, it was the proof I finally needed that I can never touch a drop of alcohol. Sooner or later I'll crash and burn once again - and each time is worst than the last, with more destruction & chaos left in it's wake.
You're back with new resolve to get free of it. We know you can. Good to have you back.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kerry, Ireland
Posts: 2,703
Glad to see you back here. You got and stayed sober for a long time before, I'm sure you can stay stopped this time around. I've known of a few people with 13 years + that drank again and are having a very difficult time stopping again 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Good for you for coming back and righting your ship. 8 years is really impressive and so you know of course that you have it in you. And thank you for the stark and real reminder that we must always stay vigilant.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Hey there, BGS--relapses can definitely happen after very long-term sobriety; I had 15 years sober before I started drinking again
for the same reason you did--I got complacent and thought I could handle it. I started off with just a beer or two but at the end of that four year nightmare, I'd almost lost everything, including my life. Now, thanks to all the amazing inspiration and advice here on SR I've been sober since 23 December 15. It's good that you're getting back on the wagon a lot earlier than I did, and I wish you all the best on your sober journey.
for the same reason you did--I got complacent and thought I could handle it. I started off with just a beer or two but at the end of that four year nightmare, I'd almost lost everything, including my life. Now, thanks to all the amazing inspiration and advice here on SR I've been sober since 23 December 15. It's good that you're getting back on the wagon a lot earlier than I did, and I wish you all the best on your sober journey.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Bigguy, don't get down on yourself too much. You still have sooooo many more days of sobriety and that is not something to discount. You are back on track and yeah your numbers are back to the beginning but you still managed many years of sobriety which is great. I went back after 7 years. Get back too it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Welcome back. Your story underscores the thing we always hear around here: "If you are an alcoholic, you will never control your drinking." Control of our drinking is not something we can ever learn. This human ability or lack thereof is buried deep in our bones. I think it's probably in our genes, but that debate is unnecessary. Experience seems to tell us quite difinatively that this trait is unchangeable in alcoholics.
Eight years of sobriety so easily toppled is a heart breaker, but our alcoholism is always there waiting for a chance to come out. Thank you for sharing that sad story because the rest of us need to know how delicate sobriety truly is.
But you can do it again, a little bit wiser, the next time. If you can do 8, you can do it forever.
Eight years of sobriety so easily toppled is a heart breaker, but our alcoholism is always there waiting for a chance to come out. Thank you for sharing that sad story because the rest of us need to know how delicate sobriety truly is.
But you can do it again, a little bit wiser, the next time. If you can do 8, you can do it forever.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 228
Originally Posted by bigguyslimm 
Hello to all. I haven't been on here in almost 2 years. Little back story...I decided to get sober back in June 2011. At the time I was unemployed and scared. I spent so many days on this site looking for answers to all my problems. The people on this site were awesome to me and helped me out so much. Life got so much easier as each month and year passed by.
Fast forward to July 2019. I start really thinking about alcohol again and thinking about how I'm in a different place in life...I've learned so much and how I know I could on occasion and not let it be a problem. So back last July I started to have drinks on occasion...probably once a week. Then I get to November and the use starts to become more and more and I'm doing it 3-4 times a week and in large amounts. I didn't realize how much I was consuming again until i started to notice the bad hangovers and the bad anxiety that was coming back. So i continued through the holidays and all the way up to Febuary of this year.
So Friday Feb 21 I hungout with someone and drank way too much and blacked out. Next morning I woke up and decided that I had to give it up again. I feel so ashamed and disappointed myself. To make 8 years of progress and to make a decision to throw it all away. I had made so much progress with my anxiety and now I'm sitting here dealing with the same anxiety i had 8 years ago. To top it off I had blood work done last week and my liver enzymes are elevated and my iron was low. So there's a lot for me to work on.
Today makes me 2 weeks sober. Feels so weird to say. I never ever would've imagined myself back starting over. I'm really down on myself and don't feel good but I know I have to stay positive. If I did it once, I can do it again.
Fast forward to July 2019. I start really thinking about alcohol again and thinking about how I'm in a different place in life...I've learned so much and how I know I could on occasion and not let it be a problem. So back last July I started to have drinks on occasion...probably once a week. Then I get to November and the use starts to become more and more and I'm doing it 3-4 times a week and in large amounts. I didn't realize how much I was consuming again until i started to notice the bad hangovers and the bad anxiety that was coming back. So i continued through the holidays and all the way up to Febuary of this year.
So Friday Feb 21 I hungout with someone and drank way too much and blacked out. Next morning I woke up and decided that I had to give it up again. I feel so ashamed and disappointed myself. To make 8 years of progress and to make a decision to throw it all away. I had made so much progress with my anxiety and now I'm sitting here dealing with the same anxiety i had 8 years ago. To top it off I had blood work done last week and my liver enzymes are elevated and my iron was low. So there's a lot for me to work on.
Today makes me 2 weeks sober. Feels so weird to say. I never ever would've imagined myself back starting over. I'm really down on myself and don't feel good but I know I have to stay positive. If I did it once, I can do it again.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
I never ever would've imagined myself back starting over.
Been there, done that. Went back out after 5+ years.
I'm sober again, and have been for many years now. But I know that I can never become complacent again. It was hard coming back the last time, and I don't know if I can successfully do it again.
Been there, done that. Went back out after 5+ years.
I'm sober again, and have been for many years now. But I know that I can never become complacent again. It was hard coming back the last time, and I don't know if I can successfully do it again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 228
Originally Posted by Zebra1275
I never ever would've imagined myself back starting over.
Been there, done that. Went back out after 5+ years.
I'm sober again, and have been for many years now. But I know that I can never become complacent again. It was hard coming back the last time, and I don't know if I can successfully do it again.
Been there, done that. Went back out after 5+ years.
I'm sober again, and have been for many years now. But I know that I can never become complacent again. It was hard coming back the last time, and I don't know if I can successfully do it again.
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