Rsanchez920

So I am on day 58 today and everything has been going really good for the most part. I'm not necessarily sad or angry about anything I'm not really happy like I'm trying to have a celebratory drink or anything like that there's really no reason for it that I see but over the course of the last four days the mental obsession is just getting stronger and stronger to want to get messed up and to use. I've been going to meetings everyday and praying everyday and have been basically having a lot of things click for me when it comes to the whole recovery thing. But the last two meetings that I went to I made myself go but afterwards I didn't leave with that same feeling that I was inspired and ready to live sober I kind of left just feeling very irritable and indifferent about the whole thing I even found myself in an Uber on my way to a meeting thinking why am I going to sit in a room with these people when I'm not even an alcoholic I thought to myself it was probably just the drugs and alcohol was just kind of a secondary issue... I know that that is not true and I keep telling myself everything that I would tell someone else who was thinking of relapsing. There was even a guy in a meeting who had just relapsed and he was totally torn up it totally did a number on him and he was so sick and he lost his job and everything and even listening to his story in the back of my mind I still felt like maybe I could go drink just for one night.

I am about to go take my son to the jurrasic dino world attraction and my best friend who still drinks is meeting us there. The place we are going has a lot of bars and restaurants within.... Since being sober i literally have not even gone to sit at a restaurant or went to any kind of event this is the first time.i already bought the tickets and my son is all excited for it so we are definetely heading there shortly.... Eveeything from songs im hearing and posts i see on social media etc are all making me reminisce.... I coukd go back and fourth with the mental gymnastics all day.... Just wanted to tell someone how i am feeling

I have not made up my mind either way yet but i will say that before it wasnt even an option for me as to where i am now considering drinking....

tomls

Everyone talks about playing the tape to the end. You know how it will turn out. Do you really want to go back to that place where you came from? Stay strong! You can do this for yourself! Best wishes for you on your journey.

Dee74

Alcoholism is the one condition that wants us to believe we don't have it.

If you're struggling with going to AA meetings and craving furiously and actively consider drinking I'd double down on the basics - start posting here daily, talk to people at your meeting about whats going on with you, maybe even consider getting a sponsor and doing the steps?

Remember at Dino World you're there for your kid. It could be day of great memories & happiness for them.

That's not an opportunity to drink, in my opinion, no matter what your friend does.

D

HeadEast

"I have not made up my mind either way yet but i will say that before it wasnt even an option for me as to where i am now considering drinking...."

Make up your mind to not drink. You won't regret it. This night is for your son.

Silver11

Surrendered19

If you have made up your mind to drink RSanchez, please keep us posted. I hope you have not yet decided to drink, but it seems like you are on that road. If you don't drink, come on here and tell us how you did that. If you drink, come on here knowing you are still safe and among friends and can tell us what happened.

Rsanchez920

We went to the jurrasic world thing and it was good... Then after went to eat in margaritaville go figure. I did end up ordering a drink and i drank it... I started to feel hot and nauseous and super tired....then we left...

Then on the way home i stopped at liquor store and wanted drugs also to wake nyself up and drink more. texted my guy told me he was on his way but i ended up making an excuse to why i diddnt need it anymore so he wouldnt come...

Came home and never opened the bottle. I am still tired and hot feeling.. Was kindof like a bad allergic reaction or something.... I am already in bed....

Could have been waaaaaay worse but im still l am just baffled as to why the mental obsession was so intense for 4 days even though ive been working the program, etc daily.... This was definitely a one off because as we all know one drink doesnt usually stay 1 drink but luckily today i was 1 and done... I know i would not be so lucky if i were to keep on...

Also struggling with semantics if i have to start at day 1 now or what.... Also what to tell sponsor,etc

For now im glad im in bed and that no hangover awaits me...i just need to think about what i can do in the future to not even be getting that close... Thanks for reading ny posts

Surrendered19

Don't worry about what day it is. Tomorrow is Day 1 but those 58 days still count. Your body, mind and soul thank you for those 58 days. Count days another time. I hope you dumped that bottle you bought. You are fine and the world is still spinning. Post tomorrow and tell us how you are doing.

ThatWasTheOldMe

Why not dump out whatever you bought at the liquor store in the morning?

Dee74

Don't be baffled. If you're like me you drank for years - 58 days is a great start but it's not really long enough to change years old behavior without a lot of effort,

You admitted you'd slackened off, and you admitted you thought you might drink today.

You set yourself up for a perfect storm.

I'm not saying this to beat you up - but your recent effort level hasn't been enough to fend off your addiction.

obviously you need to be doing more for your recovery than you have been, don;t you think?

D

Steely

Hot and nauseous is hot and nauseous. Sober days are cool always. 😎

Rsanchez920

Well your right apparently what i been doing isnt enough... Going to a meeting daily and doing step work, homework, prayer, etc is what i have been doing so im not sure what else to add..

Im supposed to get a service responsibility at a meeting and i havnt found one yet and added that to my week, who knows maybe that will help a lot.

Thanks for your comment, trying to work this out...
​​​​​

Rsanchez920

Thanks

Dee74

so what do you think you can add to what you've been doing RSanchez?

D

Rsanchez920

The big book and my sponsor say that service work and supporting other alcoholics is what keeps you sober... So im going to see if i can be the coin person, or set up/clean up person, coffee person or something at a meeting which i would then have to be there every week and people would count on me and people would get to know me... So on monday morning im going to see what service oppertunities are available.... They talk about it heavily in the program ive noticed. Other than that ive been doing what my sponsor suggests.

Come to think of it though the one time i was sober almost 2 years I was doing homeless outreach heavily and i do believe that was part of the reason I was sober so long.... It got me out of my own head and focused on others.

Thx for checking on me

MaximusD

Rsanchez, have you checked out AVRT? It is opposite of AA and even doesn't condone it but maybe check it out. It certainly would have its opinion about why you relapsed.

Rsanchez920

Interesting... Thank you

SoberCAH

RecklessDrunk

Glad to see you are almost to 60 days.

At this point your drinking is like a guerrilla that you have managed to get in a cage. Now the guerrilla knows he is in trouble. So he smiling at you, I will be a nice guerrilla if you just let me out for a couple minutes. I'm a friendly guerrilla I can play nice, see. If you open that door you will have a beast on your hands and God only knows if and how you are going to get him back in the cage.

This isn't easy, when you first get sober and are day 1 the odds of someone getting to day 60 are not good. I remember when you were in those first few days, you are doing good! These craving stages blow over, much easier then a relapse would.