bibi

I Am In A Happy And Commited Relationship, But My Boyfriends Is Addicted To Heroin. We Are In A Long Distance Relationship Because I Go To School Out Of State. I Have Recently Heard From Friends That My Boyfirend Is Addicted To And Moves Heroin. Who Should I Believe My Friends And My Guts Or Him. I Have Caught Him Lieing To Me And It Hurts. Doesnt He Know That I Love Him Unconditionoly I See Him Two Weekends Out The Month No Matter What. I Send Him Things And We Talk Everyday. I Have Decided To Take A Year Off At Nyu And Take Care Of My Boyfriend Am I Making The Wrong Decision.

ismchanger

Yes, I think that is absolutely the wrong thing to do. Addictive behavior/personality will always lean strongly in their own direction, not really paying attention to you or even rational thought processes. As a former cokehead I can tell you that until I nearly killed myself twice I didn't find it in my heart to embrace the fact I HAD TO CHANGE MYSELF. And it wasn't until years later that I finally gave up drinking because it was doing the same thing to me that coke was, only slower. Now I have been drug-free for 10 years and sober for 4 years, and my marriage of 17 years is finally being changed into what it should be.

My point is that if you run off to "save him from himself" you'll be screwing up your college education and probably pissing him off in the process. He HAS TO WANT TO CHANGE. Don't listen to his emotional plea; it may be heart-felt, but if he's actively drugging then there is no real substance behind it because his mind is still on using, not getting better. He needs to go to rehab for at least 30 days and learn what I did...that my way of doing things was messed up and I was hurting my loved ones in the process.

I took "time off" from college and didn't get back to it for ten years, by which time I had spent a decade working crappy jobs and spending what I did have on partying. I am not saying you will do that, but you could end up getting sucked into a spiral of co-dependency that may ****** YOUR growth for years to come.

Love, and caring deeply for those you love, is AWESOME. Being foolish and losing yourself in someone else's addiction in the name of love is NOT. Make your decision carefully!

HockeyMom

You said "I Am In A Happy And Commited Relationship" my question is: Are you being honest with yourself when you made that statement?

For many years I convinced myself that I was in a happy and committed relationship, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Living in denial for so long has caused me a lot of pain and suffering.

I married my addict despite the fact that I knew he was an addict. I had convinced myself that I could help him. That he would stop for me and our son. I was wrong. He will only ever be able to stop for himself. I'm glad I struggled to finish college after I had my son. I'm so grateful that I chose to go after a good job and secure myself a future - at least I have my education and my job. My husband is not able to take that away from me.

Chy

Yes, putting your life on hold when an addict is active is wasting your time. You will never be the person to help him, only he can do that. Please don't quit school for this, I know love hurts, is blind and all that, but I promise it will be your biggest regret. If he ever gets clean and sobers up, that's when I would reconsider.

sherbear5104

I have to agree with the others. You should not give up your college education to take care of him. If he doesn't want to quit, he's not going to. Like it was said above, it would be foolish to give up your education to take care of someone. Please think this through, and follow your heart!

minnie

Please don't give up your education. You didn't cause his addiction, you can't control it and you can't cure it.

Check out the Nar-anon forum on here and read some of the stories about living with addiction. If that doesn't convince you, then nothing will.

Take care and look after YOU.

Love

Minnie
xxx

Anna

I'm with everyone on this. Do not give up your plans, your education for your boyfriend. He will change if and when he is ready to admit he has a problem and needs help. Take care of yourself.

Anna

markd451

Unless you are trained to rehab a junkie, I think you are making the worst decision you possibly can. It sounds to me that you are in a serious co-dependent relationship, and feel you have to "rescue" him. BIG MISTAKE.

Stay in school, and let him know that you only want to see him if he is clean. If he fails to show up, you will have your answer.

Do not ruin your life to try to save his. Unless he REALLY wants to leave the life of junk and dealing, he won't. I have seen friends die or go to jail for years because of drugs. Don't get any deeper into this if you value your life. (you DO value your life, don't you?). Sorry to be so harsh, based on your short post, BUT you are walking into a snare that can ruin your life totally.

Good luck making the right decision.

Mark

Phinneas

((((bibi))))

It's unanimous. STAY IN SCHOOL!

I know you want to help because you love him. That's wonderful and giving and special. But he has to help himself. Nothing, and I mean nothing, you do or say can change him. (And I speak from experience as an addict.) Sacrificing yourself will only double the pain. Honest.

Hang in there.

jojo

bibi

thanks