CaliButterfly

So I've been in and out of this site for several years. Had sobriety, relapsed, again, and again, and again. Most recently, I went to a month-long in-house treatment program, costing over 5 grand. And yet I've started drinking again 4 days after coming home. I don't connect with AA, I live alone, work from home, and have no reason to stay sober. I don't drink because I'm stressed, aggravated, or frustrated. I know how to deal with life. Meditation at the beach gets me through struggles. My life is great, so why should I stop?

ThatWasTheOldMe

Why did you go to treatment?

Steely

Only you know the answer to your question, but I wouldn't take *Pema Chodra too seriously. Is he a masochist or something?

lessgravity

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/319393-feeling-like-hypocrite.html

​​​​​​​That was more than 6 years ago. Do you really need us to tell you why you should quit?

jimmyJlover

You've mentioned treatment programs, sobriety time, and no reason to stay sober...my question for you is why do you want to stop? What decisions were made to enter treatment in the first place? I know online back and forth doesn't show emotion so please know I'm sincere when asking and not being abrasive. For myself, I felt that question needed an answer before I could move forward. I try and remind myself of that decision and to adhere for it gives me a better life.

Steely

I didn't mean to sound abrupt either, just that you said, "my life is great.....". Couldn't figure why you were here if life is great. Must be something that has you admit yourself to treatment programmes, etc., or were you being tongue in cheek?

Why do you want to stop?

Sorry if I were abrupt.

Dee74

If your life truly is great, and you've never thought that your drinking was excessive and stopping you from the life you want., then there's no reason to stop.

But there's not many drinkers with great lives who seek out things like AA, rehab, and places like SR and keep coming back to those places.

I think the point is there's something in you that wants something better than the existence you have now. There's something in you that knows you deserve better.

We all have value. We all matter


Pema is actually pretty cool. She's an American born Tibetan Buddhist .
I think maybe that quote is her version of 'what doesn't kill us will make us stronger'

D

Steely

I see......the light.

Wastinglife

I am also a chronic relapser. I go on weeklong benders and sober up for a week then drunk for week etc. I can barely remember what I do on my benders but will often end up in the ER for various reasons. I don't have a reason to be sober because I have already lost everything and am practically unemployable.

Dee74

I didn’t believe it for a long time but it’s true - the best reason to get sober is ourselves. I really believe we all have value WL.

Steely

I relapsed constantly WL. It really is worthwhile getting sober even if you have lost everything. Getting to know yourself with a sober mind is a really importantant journey to make. It is the everything that can never be lost.

AwkwardKitty

Its unusual for you to be here if you think drinking is fine.
I found a useful exdrcise to be making a list with headings of all areas of your life, like work, friends, family, hobbies, self esteem, leisure time, money, ambitions, health and under each heading writedown what alcohol gives you and what alcohol takes away.
tmThis is a hard exercise but can be helpful in objectively assessing your relationship with alcohol and making a clear decision based on evidence.

AwkwardKitty

Hey Cali
I've just read your post history. I would encourage you to look back to remember the reasons you came here in the first place.
It seems you've been pretty close to rock bottom before. Your relationships, especially with your son, have suffered. You've been in hospital. You haven't seemed to be enjoying drinking tbh.
Maybe things dont feel too bad right now, but they have been, and we all know it's a slippery slope back.
I dont think you would be here right now if you truly believed what you have written.

D122y

I would have never stopped drinking if i didn't start having hellish panic attacks and other mind issues. Physically I was slowly degenerating as well.

I didn't know how far gone I was until I started trying grappling. I could not complete 2 minutes of the warm up drills.

The av told me anything to get its fix.

The brain damage is real. The process is insidious.

Quitting hurt and I still have craves periodically. It used to be daily.

Now I dont crave directly, but I obsess and I see that is what the crave covered up.

If I didnt want to quit there was nothing anyone can do.

I wanted to quit more than anything. That was the only way.

The addiction it too fierce otherwise.

Armed with my health and knowledge I will never drink again.

Booze is a reality altering neurotoxin. I dont have that much time on this planet, i want to live the rest of it not chemically altered.

Thanks.

daisy1

If I rummaged through my old posts from years ago I said something very similar, and said goodbye, Dee wished me well - I was ok-ish I suppose, compared to how I ended up (at death's door). I wish I had heeded the warnings, this is progressive! However I think it took my experience for it to sink in to my deluded head. If you can, stop before it gets worse because it will, no doubt xx

Surrendered19

Meditation isn't going to help you when your health starts failing. Good thoughts and what Pema says won't do anything when your liver, pancreas and kidneys fail. The downward dog position at the beach won't do anything to restore the lining in your stomach, repair your permanently damaged nerve endings, or restore your damaged heart. There are many physical reasons to stop drinking. I know you know these things already, so am wondering if your post might be a bit of a rant because you resent that you can't drink without bad consequences??

ciowa

For me, the point of sobriety and recovery is to have a better life than when I was binge drinking and could no longer control it. I have no children, wife, my own car, apartment, am my own supervisor and work remotely. In a sense, Im was able to do a lot and not be accountable and I was still on a downward spiral because a night out at the bar with friends would almost always turn into non stop 2 day vodka binges.

I quit drinking because my life was made better by being sober. That might not be true for everyone and if one can look in the mirror and say that drinking is better for them than sobriety then Im not going to try to convince them otherwise. So, Id imagine one would have no complaints about drinking if its going so great.

ShilohWon

Then why are you here?

Anna

I suspect you have been trying hard to stop drinking for many years because you do have reasons to stop. Focus on the things you want to improve in your life, the parts of your life you want to change. Focus on the freedom you will feel without being tied to alcohol.

I hope that you find inspiration to change your life.