GreatInquiry7

Hi All -

I'm sure this is common.

How do you confront feeling shame about having a problem (with such a stigma attached), that you can't control?

I know I'm projecting but I always think about how people think of ppl with a problem like me, etc.

Maybe I'm the only one, idk - but curious thoughts.

Thanks!

thomas11

Your thought process is very common. You think everyone knows and everyone is looking at you and knows about your problem. Its a mildly justified form of paranoia. I have experience with this.

I can tell you not everyone knows, and not everyone is looking at you. The feeling goes away, but only if you straighten out and get on the right path. I experienced this feeling not from alcohol but from a previous chapter in my life. It was bad. It took time. Lots of time. I can now go anywhere and feel confident and sure of myself.

HeadEast

I never felt shame. I'm sure a big part of that was because I was in my 50's. You develop a kind of "I don't give a f.." at that age. Don't worry about what others are thinking. You don't know what they are thinking anyway, and it's usually not as bad as you think.

GreatInquiry7

That's great to hear you overcame it thomas!

When you say "The feeling goes away, but only if you straighten out and get on the right path." - what exactly do you mean if you don't mind?

Is it certain mindset changes?

I am of course sober now, so that's being sorted....

GreatInquiry7

I can see that! I am pretty young for reference, under 35 so it's still a fairly common "part" of life.

Spacegoat

Definitely not. So you were right...

You could start by learning about it? (Google, Youtube, etc)

'Toxic Shame' I believe it's called...


All the best

nez

The people in the world that don't think they have any problems are the ones that really have a problem and they don't stand any chance of getting better because they can't see areas where work is needed.

Human beings have problems. Smart ones work on them, that is nothing to be ashamed about.

DaisyBelle7

You’re not alone. I had a lot of shame for the things I’ve done when I was drunk. The way I see it now, is that I wouldn’t be where I am now had it not been for the lessons I had to learn the hard way. I can’t go back and change the past, so I need to accept it, learn from it, and move on. Sounds so simple, but it’s not and I still struggle with it on occasion.

DriGuy

I felt it mostly at the end of my drinking. Seeking help seemed pathetic at the time. After I started getting better, the shame just evaporated, as I found a tremendous amount of support in meetings. I mostly kept my early recovery and meeting attendance under raps, but started telling others about what I was doing at around 6 months. I don't know if people talk behind my back about my past, but face to face, I always feel respected when people see that I have whipped my problem.

Before I quit was where the shame was. People put up with my drinking even if someone had to help me out of the car, but I spent a lot of time feeling like a loser. In recovery, I feel nothing but pride. I understand that alcoholism is a stigma, and many people probably see it as a weakness. I don't care. I'm don't need to change society, and I expect little from it. As long as I feel good about myself, there is no problem. No problem at all, as far as I'm concerned.

OliviaLynnMarsh

Look up Ted Talks on Shame. Psychology today also has great articles on Shame and vulnerability that really helped my husband (who is attempting sobriety).

doggonecarl

Most people are too worried about what people are thinking of them to be thinking about you. The only person thinking about you, is you.

ThatWasTheOldMe

I remind everyone with this idea that alcohol use disorder is medically - a disorder. There is almost always another underlying issue, even if it's undiagnosed. It is much more of a mental health issue than a behavioral health issue. Just we have the power to neuter one of the biggest components of the issue - alcohol abuse. Put down the bat. A lot of people have destructive relationships with the bottle.

lessgravity

The work we do to get and stay sober will help relieve that. And I've found that with the time and space sobriety provides I can continue to do whatever work my psyche requires. In other words, sobriety is the answer.

MissOverIt

wildflower70

I work through the shame by looking in the mirror every morning and telling my self that I am beautiful, strong, and good enough. We all deserve to be free from the pain of our past mistakes.

Learn to love yourself again, the shame will begin to dissipate.

Andante

I always liked this one: "You wouldn't worry so much about what other people think of you if you realized how seldom they did."

FeelingGreat

I felt ashamed when I drank too much, but never of being a sober A because I was proud of being able to tackle my problem.