Girlfriend Snpchats drinking things.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 46
Girlfriend Snpchats drinking things.
i have been sober a little over 3 weeks, first time in many years, my girlfriend of three years knows about this and has been supportive and concerned.
the one thing that bothers me is occasionally she will post a snapchat about drinking or of a drink and be like amazing margarita or something, when she got a drink, she knows i see this as we talk on snapchat, am I overthinking this or is this insensitive, i dont think id do something like that. any help appreicated.
the one thing that bothers me is occasionally she will post a snapchat about drinking or of a drink and be like amazing margarita or something, when she got a drink, she knows i see this as we talk on snapchat, am I overthinking this or is this insensitive, i dont think id do something like that. any help appreicated.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,586
If she knows you are reading the chats, I think it's insensitive, particularly if she's using words like "amazing" as a description.
Is it normal behaviour for her, or only now? I wouldn't do it, but maybe I'm overly sensitive. I'd talk with her as Daisy suggests.
Well done, and congratulations on your 3 weeks. Don't let this phase you.
Margaritas, aren't all THAT amazing. Not worth the chat.
Is it normal behaviour for her, or only now? I wouldn't do it, but maybe I'm overly sensitive. I'd talk with her as Daisy suggests.
Well done, and congratulations on your 3 weeks. Don't let this phase you.
Margaritas, aren't all THAT amazing. Not worth the chat.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
That is certainly insensitive of her towards your specific situation, but it is her way of communicating who she is to all of her followers on social media. I wouldn't be too sensitive about it or make too much of it. If your friend stopped posting about drinking, when you lift your head up and look around, pictures and images and all forms of media inundate us with drinking images. We live in a drunk world. I would forgive your friend and not make a big deal of it. Also, this is a reminder that we don't have to look at anything on social media or any other type of media if it troubles us too much. Turn off the devices and go for a walk.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Honestly? Just get off snapchat. Tell her it's upsetting or bothersome or makes you feel xyz and you shouldn't do it - for now, at least.
Everything we choose that makes it easier to be sober, v easier to drink whether by romanticizing it or watching others or anything else - door A is the better choice. Every time. No matter how small of a thing.
An example I will use is how I freaked out when I realized an appetizer at a friend's dinner party was cooked with wine. Literally, I got so upset I left. A six person dinner party. My friend knew I was sober and had gone to great lengths to ask and provide all kinds of beverages etc - neither of us thought about recipes. I had NO idea it would be a problem. I was 7 mo sober.
What did I do? Realized that I needed to make sure that I didn't eat or drink anything with ANY alcohol. Did that by researching menus ahead of time, having my now husband smell or taste something at a restaurant, inquiring nicely of servers and/or chefs about how things were cooked and sending things back if they indeed came with or even seemed to contain alcohol. I did that til perhaps last yr sometime- I just hit 4 yr sober Fri.
Extreme? Maybe. But it was one thing that seemed huge to me- and quite simple to make not happen.
Three weeks is great. Do whatever you need to do for now. You will be able and comfortable to adjust if you stay sober. Just last night, I asked about the mushrooms at one of our fave places, they said it could be done w/o wine, then the server returned and said he was sorry but the y couldn't. I said it was fine, we'd still like them...I think I put a spoonful on my plate and couldn't tell ya if I actually had any. But it was all...fine.
Life becomes fine. MORE than fine. Anxiety is normal and it is OK if it is about anything that comes in your path. Being sober is the most important thing.
I'm going on a bit but I think this is such a huge concept when we start out - the smallest things can be the most important habits to change. Or avoid. Or ASK those who care about us to change or not do or whatever. We have to - we GET to! - take responsibility for how our lives are going to be, and what we see or do no matter what others do. Learning that it's not about me was mind blowing but important. Others do what they do, I do me.
You can do this.
Everything we choose that makes it easier to be sober, v easier to drink whether by romanticizing it or watching others or anything else - door A is the better choice. Every time. No matter how small of a thing.
An example I will use is how I freaked out when I realized an appetizer at a friend's dinner party was cooked with wine. Literally, I got so upset I left. A six person dinner party. My friend knew I was sober and had gone to great lengths to ask and provide all kinds of beverages etc - neither of us thought about recipes. I had NO idea it would be a problem. I was 7 mo sober.
What did I do? Realized that I needed to make sure that I didn't eat or drink anything with ANY alcohol. Did that by researching menus ahead of time, having my now husband smell or taste something at a restaurant, inquiring nicely of servers and/or chefs about how things were cooked and sending things back if they indeed came with or even seemed to contain alcohol. I did that til perhaps last yr sometime- I just hit 4 yr sober Fri.
Extreme? Maybe. But it was one thing that seemed huge to me- and quite simple to make not happen.
Three weeks is great. Do whatever you need to do for now. You will be able and comfortable to adjust if you stay sober. Just last night, I asked about the mushrooms at one of our fave places, they said it could be done w/o wine, then the server returned and said he was sorry but the y couldn't. I said it was fine, we'd still like them...I think I put a spoonful on my plate and couldn't tell ya if I actually had any. But it was all...fine.
Life becomes fine. MORE than fine. Anxiety is normal and it is OK if it is about anything that comes in your path. Being sober is the most important thing.
I'm going on a bit but I think this is such a huge concept when we start out - the smallest things can be the most important habits to change. Or avoid. Or ASK those who care about us to change or not do or whatever. We have to - we GET to! - take responsibility for how our lives are going to be, and what we see or do no matter what others do. Learning that it's not about me was mind blowing but important. Others do what they do, I do me.
You can do this.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
You stated she is supportive, if you talked to her about it, she should respect it. If you haven't talked about it, you should. Or as others have said, just stay off snapchat. I am an old fart so its easy for me, I don't hardly know what snapchat is, but I understand the younger generations live and die by social media.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 293
My husband knew how much I struggled with alcohol and what a mess it made of happiness and wellbeing and yet about a month ago (I am almost two years sober) he asked if I would be having a beer or two at a gathering that was coming up. I was stunned. He honestly believes that I don't have a problem and that I can actually just have two. He completely does not understand what is like to have an addiction like this.
I could say he was insensitive but I know that he just doesn't understand.
I could say he was insensitive but I know that he just doesn't understand.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I'm thinking about what August said about doing extreme things to protect ourselves, because I experienced a fear of being too extreme. OK, I'm in recovery, but do I really have to be the guy that asks my girlfriend not to snap chat pictures of her drinking a great drink?
Sobriety is important, and we alcoholics can are very vulnerable in early recovery. It's not the image we want to put out there, but this vulnerable stage often requires extreme measures to maintain our gains, and increase our strength and confidence, and more important, we need the courage to take extreme measures. It's just that important.
Look around. Alcoholics struggle and cave constantly in early recover, and before we quit we had been struggling and caving around the most minor temptations all the time.
This is not about denying your girlfriend of her pleasures. It's not about being a control freak. It's about getting over a dangerous obsession in early recovery. It's all about you. Sometimes we must commit to extremes. Compare where you are now to intensive care. Later on you will find you can give your blessings to others who drink. Right now you can only ask them to help. Alternatively, you can avoid snapchat, or avoid your girlfriend. Extreme? Absolutely.
Sobriety is important, and we alcoholics can are very vulnerable in early recovery. It's not the image we want to put out there, but this vulnerable stage often requires extreme measures to maintain our gains, and increase our strength and confidence, and more important, we need the courage to take extreme measures. It's just that important.
Look around. Alcoholics struggle and cave constantly in early recover, and before we quit we had been struggling and caving around the most minor temptations all the time.
This is not about denying your girlfriend of her pleasures. It's not about being a control freak. It's about getting over a dangerous obsession in early recovery. It's all about you. Sometimes we must commit to extremes. Compare where you are now to intensive care. Later on you will find you can give your blessings to others who drink. Right now you can only ask them to help. Alternatively, you can avoid snapchat, or avoid your girlfriend. Extreme? Absolutely.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I feel I'm responsible for my alcoholism and I'm responsible for my recovery. The times I place MY sobriety in someone else's hands I'm in trouble. My sobriety, my recovery, is dependant upon what I think and do, not on what others do.
That said, if you're not there yet, you're not there. Quit reading her snaps. That's on you.... Something you can do for yourself. Imo, demanding she only chat in the way you want her to isn't the right approach.
That said, if you're not there yet, you're not there. Quit reading her snaps. That's on you.... Something you can do for yourself. Imo, demanding she only chat in the way you want her to isn't the right approach.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Really good posts DT and Dri Guy.
Another example I will give came much later in my recovery. I had back surgery on Aug 30 last yr. My husband and I, along w my drs, discussed and planned pain med use. Short version, one day I had about 48 hrs of AWFUL self care, was exhausted and dehydrated and so on - I literally got out of the shower and took the bottle of meds to him to take to work. I didn't WANT to take too many that day, exactly - but I didn't trust myself not to do so. I was 3 yr about 8 mo sober so this was prob last Oct.
I'm facing some similar choices about courage and honesty and desires now, as far as my anxiety meds. This stuff doesn't "go away" forever, IMO and experience, but learning how to face it is so important.
Thank you for bringing this up - this is an awesome help to me from someone so early in recovery and what we need to do to stay sober at diff times.
Another example I will give came much later in my recovery. I had back surgery on Aug 30 last yr. My husband and I, along w my drs, discussed and planned pain med use. Short version, one day I had about 48 hrs of AWFUL self care, was exhausted and dehydrated and so on - I literally got out of the shower and took the bottle of meds to him to take to work. I didn't WANT to take too many that day, exactly - but I didn't trust myself not to do so. I was 3 yr about 8 mo sober so this was prob last Oct.
I'm facing some similar choices about courage and honesty and desires now, as far as my anxiety meds. This stuff doesn't "go away" forever, IMO and experience, but learning how to face it is so important.
Thank you for bringing this up - this is an awesome help to me from someone so early in recovery and what we need to do to stay sober at diff times.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,157
Hello rr, glad you are back " on the wagon "
I am in the camp of she really doesn't understand what you are doing.
If she is not a recovering addict I do not believe she can understand.
I also agree with the issue being yours and not hers.
Not saying that in a negative or hurtful way but want you to know this is something you need to work on because as stated, there are always going to be temptations out there and you need to be prepared to face and defeat them.
I am in the camp of she really doesn't understand what you are doing.
If she is not a recovering addict I do not believe she can understand.
I also agree with the issue being yours and not hers.
Not saying that in a negative or hurtful way but want you to know this is something you need to work on because as stated, there are always going to be temptations out there and you need to be prepared to face and defeat them.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Okay to speak your truth.
Sounds like she doesn’t fully understand that being and staying sober is a challenge right now.
It will get easier, btw. Takes time.
Also okay to say no.
Early in my sobriety, we went to a wedding, daughter of good friends.
I was miserable, really, really wanting a drink, watching everyone else drink. Ugh.
In hindsight, I wish I had been strong enough to say that I wasn’t going, that it would be too hard this soon in sobriety.
Sounds like she doesn’t fully understand that being and staying sober is a challenge right now.
It will get easier, btw. Takes time.
Also okay to say no.
Early in my sobriety, we went to a wedding, daughter of good friends.
I was miserable, really, really wanting a drink, watching everyone else drink. Ugh.
In hindsight, I wish I had been strong enough to say that I wasn’t going, that it would be too hard this soon in sobriety.
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