Father in ICU
Coloradokid
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 4
Father in ICU
Hi everyone,
im new to this forum and hope this is a good place to start, it was recommended by some other nice people on this site. Last Sunday I took my father into the ICU for liver failure (jaundiced, bloated, mental confusion). He has been an alcoholic for 30 years and a drug addict for 30 years.
A small backstory, he was in the ER a month ago to get help and they gave him fluids and kicked him to the curb. No help whatsoever. (He went to get medical clearance to go to rehab).
I am only 20 years old and am really struggling with this. Even through years of torment, love, and him being in rehab, this is the most sick he has been. He currently is in liver failure, and they are suspecting kidney and lung failure. He has pneumonia as well, which he got from aspirating stomach acid into his lungs.
Has anyone had any positive outcomes if in similar situations either with yourself or loved ones?
I really need prayers and positive thoughts for my dad. I am sorry if this post is not in the right thread, although I do feel I need any support I can get right now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 356
Hi ColoradoKid
I’m sorry what brought you here but glad you found us. I’m sorry about your dad. Unfortunately the ER cannot do much. He is either sick enough to be admitted or not sick enough and then they can’t keep him there. They are not going to detox every alcoholic in the ER because it would take more than a few hours. Detox is usually several days. And that only means they are making sure they safely stop the alcohol but after that it is up to the alcoholic to seek recovery or go back to drinking. Unfortunately for most it ends up being drinking. Also even when they get admitted once they are ready to be released it is all up to the alcoholic to seek recovery. They can help with resources but that’s it.
Your dad made his choice to continue drinking. Some people go years and years with drinking (like your dad) and do fine until it all catches up with them and then it can go downhill fast. I’ve also seen young kids (like in their 20s) that manage to completely destroy their liver and end up dying. Drinking and drugs for 30 years takes a huge toll on your body. That said, I’ve had a couple of people that were in liver failure and they managed to survive and get clean (one was on hospice care even). Unfortunately more often than not even being at deaths door does not motivate people to stop drinking (or quit smoking when they have a heart attacks etc, this doesn’t just apply for drugs and alcohol). Alcohol/addiction is a nasty disease and I know it is hard for you to stand by and witness what it has done to your dad. Ultimately, it is up to your dad to seek help. There is nothing anyone can do to help him get clean. It has to come from him. You can beg and plead but unless he is committed to get help there is nothing anyone can do for him. So hopefully your dad will get better and will want to do something about it. It does sound like he is very very sick and with multiple organ failure/pneumonia things are obviously very complicated.
What you need to understand is the 3 Cs, you didn’t cause it, you cannot control it and you can’t cure it. It is really hard for us non alcoholics to understand but it is very true. It doesn’t matter how much we love the person, our love cannot fix them, if it could none of us would be here. I think for you to learn about alcoholism would be a very good idea, it is a complicated disease and most people don’t really get how bad it is until they have lived it. It isn’t just about the alcohol. Alcohol/drugs is only a very small part of addiction so just stopping the substance without getting mental health help and going to AA usually does not have long term success. Hopefully by educating yourself and understanding the disease better it will help you process everything that’s happening a little better. All you can do for him is be there for him and support him and hopefully he will be able to pull through. Alcoholism and its effects on everyone else was hard for me to understand in my 40s (and I’m a medical provider even) so at 20 I’m sure it is a lot to deal with. I’m hoping you have other family/friend support. Although I will say that even thought my friends were great, having support from people who have lived through this is really important because they understand and know to what you are going through. People that haven’t lived through it just don’t understand the severity and complexity of it all.
You are in the right place for support. I’d also encourage you to seek out support at alanon and maybe even consider seeing a counselor (one that deals with addiction) to help you to help you work through everything that is going one.
Sending lots of positive vibes to both you and your dad.
I’m sorry what brought you here but glad you found us. I’m sorry about your dad. Unfortunately the ER cannot do much. He is either sick enough to be admitted or not sick enough and then they can’t keep him there. They are not going to detox every alcoholic in the ER because it would take more than a few hours. Detox is usually several days. And that only means they are making sure they safely stop the alcohol but after that it is up to the alcoholic to seek recovery or go back to drinking. Unfortunately for most it ends up being drinking. Also even when they get admitted once they are ready to be released it is all up to the alcoholic to seek recovery. They can help with resources but that’s it.
Your dad made his choice to continue drinking. Some people go years and years with drinking (like your dad) and do fine until it all catches up with them and then it can go downhill fast. I’ve also seen young kids (like in their 20s) that manage to completely destroy their liver and end up dying. Drinking and drugs for 30 years takes a huge toll on your body. That said, I’ve had a couple of people that were in liver failure and they managed to survive and get clean (one was on hospice care even). Unfortunately more often than not even being at deaths door does not motivate people to stop drinking (or quit smoking when they have a heart attacks etc, this doesn’t just apply for drugs and alcohol). Alcohol/addiction is a nasty disease and I know it is hard for you to stand by and witness what it has done to your dad. Ultimately, it is up to your dad to seek help. There is nothing anyone can do to help him get clean. It has to come from him. You can beg and plead but unless he is committed to get help there is nothing anyone can do for him. So hopefully your dad will get better and will want to do something about it. It does sound like he is very very sick and with multiple organ failure/pneumonia things are obviously very complicated.
What you need to understand is the 3 Cs, you didn’t cause it, you cannot control it and you can’t cure it. It is really hard for us non alcoholics to understand but it is very true. It doesn’t matter how much we love the person, our love cannot fix them, if it could none of us would be here. I think for you to learn about alcoholism would be a very good idea, it is a complicated disease and most people don’t really get how bad it is until they have lived it. It isn’t just about the alcohol. Alcohol/drugs is only a very small part of addiction so just stopping the substance without getting mental health help and going to AA usually does not have long term success. Hopefully by educating yourself and understanding the disease better it will help you process everything that’s happening a little better. All you can do for him is be there for him and support him and hopefully he will be able to pull through. Alcoholism and its effects on everyone else was hard for me to understand in my 40s (and I’m a medical provider even) so at 20 I’m sure it is a lot to deal with. I’m hoping you have other family/friend support. Although I will say that even thought my friends were great, having support from people who have lived through this is really important because they understand and know to what you are going through. People that haven’t lived through it just don’t understand the severity and complexity of it all.
You are in the right place for support. I’d also encourage you to seek out support at alanon and maybe even consider seeing a counselor (one that deals with addiction) to help you to help you work through everything that is going one.
Sending lots of positive vibes to both you and your dad.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Flyover Country
Posts: 45
I'm so sorry Coloradokid, I've been in a similar situation with my brother and it is truly awful. He was in ICU for liver and kidney failure, heart problems, confusion, all of the symptoms of late-stage cirrhosis...he nearly died. He was transferred to a hospital that had a team of liver specialists, and I think that was the only reason he survived. He spent weeks in ICU and then weeks in inpatient rehabilitation. So that was a "positive outcome", I guess. Except that he went right back to drinking as soon as he was released and strong enough to get himself to the store. He has been back in ICU since then, survived, only to be released and go back to drinking. From my experience, alcoholics can survive truly astonishing abuses to their bodies, which is good news, but even when they know it is killing them, it is very, very hard to kick the habit. And although my brother is still miraculously alive, it will very likely happen again, and the next time he might not be so lucky. You only get so many chances.
You'll be in my thoughts.
You'll be in my thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
CK, I'm sorry you are having to deal with such a horrible situation.
I wish I had words that would help. I am sorry, I don't.
I do offer you my support though. My father was also an alcoholic that drank away his health. I know how it feels to be in your shoes. Sending strength and hugs your way.
I wish I had words that would help. I am sorry, I don't.
I do offer you my support though. My father was also an alcoholic that drank away his health. I know how it feels to be in your shoes. Sending strength and hugs your way.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so sorry you are going through this. If he is not getting the help HE wants, he should ask for a social worker in the hospital.
This is a good place, lots of support. Keep posting, you are not alone.
This is a good place, lots of support. Keep posting, you are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Hi Coloradokid, i'm really sorry to hear your Father passed away.
Always remember, he wasn't drinking at you, he was just drinking. Alcoholism is an addiction that can take someone that has the best of intentions and they can't escape from it in some cases.
Take good care of yourself.
Always remember, he wasn't drinking at you, he was just drinking. Alcoholism is an addiction that can take someone that has the best of intentions and they can't escape from it in some cases.
Take good care of yourself.
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