Milano58

So, if you've read mo posts you know I'm parallel parenting active alcoholic. I have custody and he has access due to self admitted alcohol problems. At Christmas he demanded a full week with kids and myself and mediator (clinical psychologist), explained to him that additional contact has to be agreed.. Its not some cumulative thing a d the kids were too young to be away from primary carer. In a year we coukd try two nights in a row. He quacked.. Threatened me with court.. And Christmas passed.. With some peculiar behaviour but I thought.. He gets it now.

SO t'other night he asks to take kids to bali for Christmas this year for a week. We're in Oz.

It's like mediation never happened.. The situation doesn't exist in his head.

Is he actually losing his mind???
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HeadEast

Yep, he is. Stand firm on saying no and be blunt and direct. There is no logic with people that abuse alcohol.

SmallButMighty

I do not think taking young children out of the country during a semi-contentious custody dispute is something that is likely to happen!

I do think he is out of his mind, but that comes with the territory. He is an alcoholic, if his brain was working properly none of this stuff would be happening.

I forget how old your kids are, but is their any chance he is using this as some kind of tactic, knowing you wont allow it but then can point at you and say, "See how mean Mummy is not letting you go on vacation"...?

AnvilheadII

curious - setting everything important aside for a moment....does your EX have the financial wherewithal to fund such a trip? flights, accommodations, food, entertainment for a week - in high season??? for three? in......Bali? not exactly THE most kid-centric vacation destination. (sorry can't remember how many children we are talking about).

i think this is just more bar-stool bloviating. just cuz it came out of his mouth, don't make it true or even worthy of consideration.

Milano58

He has family there so free accommodation and looks like some other family are going to. Kids are only 3 and 5. I'm about to file for relocation back home so there's no way he's having the passports, let alone leave Oz. I think he's just chancing his arm. My 3rd old was asking my mum would mommy be angry with daddy... Don't know what she was referring to. But I'm assuming EXAH is saying I'm angry with him and that's why they didn't go away for a week together after Christmas. Nothing to do with his a long, problematic history with drinking, DUIs, drunk and disorderlys.... And he doesn't have custody!
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Milano58

Kids would rather be with me so it's a pointless endeavour. Kids were happiest when he buggered off for a month last year with enabler.

FeelingGreat

Unless he undergoes a drastic change in attitude and sobriety a week in Bali sounds pretty risky for the kids.

Seren

Well, IME, alcoholics spin all kinds of fantasies to assure themselves that everything is OK...that their drinking is not the problem. It's the rest of the world that is the problem. It's just sad that children get used as props in the middle of the push and pull fantasy world of active alcoholism. So, yes, I suppose your ex is a bit out of his mind. That is the sad truth of active addiction. I can only begin to imagine how frustrating all this has been for you! Hang in there!

Gingerpeach

Milano,
Christmas is 10 months away. It could just be an offhand comment that he made and forgot about. Or he might be saying it because he wants to get you worked up. Either way try not to bring it back up unless he says something. And if he does just remind him of the mediation agreement. A's make stupid comments all the time. In the meantime, he might even get distracted by a new enabler (fingers crossed).
Don't let this stress you out for the next 10 months.

Sleepyhollo

He probably is, and if not he just doesn’t remember anything. I had a couple of very important talks with my ex in the past and in marriage counseling when I brought up the issue of what we had discussed he had zero recollection of ever having had that conversation.
Also, one of the reasons I stayed longer than I probably should have was because at least I knew my kid would be safe because I was doing it all and I knew when he was drinking so could make sure he didn’t go anywhere with her. There s no way he could have handled one 3,4,5 year old much less 2. Also since he is an active alcoholic I would not let him have the kids unsupervised period, not even in the same time and definitely not out of the country. Your kids are not old enough to take care of themselves or let you know if some,thing isn’t right. No judge in the right mind would let him or any other alcoholic take kids out of the country on holiday. Quackery for sure

Eauchiche

Please forgive my humor, but the text of a Peter Schickele piece comes to mind:

"It's ten o'clock on Christmas morn,
and all the guests are knocking at the door,
It's ten o'clock on Christmas morn,
and Uncle John's already on the floor.
It's ten o'clock on Christmas morn,
and all the guests are in a festive mood.
Little do they realize that Uncle John
has eaten all the food."

Bekindalways

Yeah, probably best to do the Grey Rock song and dance . . . . er . . . . or rather the Grey Rock non-song and non - dance.

He may be headed for a time when he is incapable of slowing down, stopping nor drinking responsibly in any way shape or form. Ugh.

pizza67

velma929

I used to peruse an etiquette forum.
A common bit of advice was, "Don't engage the crazy."

My parents, when they needed overnight care, sent me and my sister to our respective best friends' homes for the night. Of course, they returned the favor when the Smiths or the Jones needed a night off.

hopeful4

Yes, yes he is. My XAH has alarmed me several times that he seems to not even remember when we do discuss some things. Then I remember who I am dealing with.