Hep C - yes, more was revealed...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 7
Hep C - yes, more was revealed...
Hi, I'm not new. I have been a member of SR for many years as I was a raging co-dependent with my X husband who is an alcoholic with mental health issues. Mostly free of that, I went and found myself another... I'm too ashamed to use my regular ID, so please forgive me.
My partner of 7 years is a recovered IVDU (heroin). He has not used for almost 30 years. He doesn't drink or use anything. There's no money going missing, no evidence of any drug paraphernalia, strange friends, weird hours or phone calls, nothing. We are a mostly typical middle aged couple both 55 years old. I have twin teenage daughters who live with us and a 30 yr old son who lives abroad in Canada.
I’ve just found out that my “partner” is Hep C positive. He has never told me.
My devastation on finding out about the hep c is because I found out by accident. My partner has never disclosed his hep c status to me. In fact, he has told me that all his tests had come back negative and he was as clean as a whistle. I’ve seen the relatively recent paperwork, which he thought he had hidden, and now know that this is not true. He is clean, but not for hep c. His levels are normal but he is still positive.
My feelings around this are very mixed. I realise that telling others you have hep c can be embarrassing and shameful, I really, really get that. I realise that the possibility of transmission from sex and general living together, without sharing a needle with him, is very low. But taking that risk is my decision to make, not his. I have now been knowingly exposed to a virus without my consent.
Yesterday I had myself tested for everything and am waiting on the results. Whichever way my results come back I still need to address this and I’m really scared. I’m interested in all experiences if anyone is willing to share. I've looked and looked for a post or a forum to find someone, anyone, discussing this but can't find anything so please, if you're out there lend me some ESH?
My partner of 7 years is a recovered IVDU (heroin). He has not used for almost 30 years. He doesn't drink or use anything. There's no money going missing, no evidence of any drug paraphernalia, strange friends, weird hours or phone calls, nothing. We are a mostly typical middle aged couple both 55 years old. I have twin teenage daughters who live with us and a 30 yr old son who lives abroad in Canada.
I’ve just found out that my “partner” is Hep C positive. He has never told me.
My devastation on finding out about the hep c is because I found out by accident. My partner has never disclosed his hep c status to me. In fact, he has told me that all his tests had come back negative and he was as clean as a whistle. I’ve seen the relatively recent paperwork, which he thought he had hidden, and now know that this is not true. He is clean, but not for hep c. His levels are normal but he is still positive.
My feelings around this are very mixed. I realise that telling others you have hep c can be embarrassing and shameful, I really, really get that. I realise that the possibility of transmission from sex and general living together, without sharing a needle with him, is very low. But taking that risk is my decision to make, not his. I have now been knowingly exposed to a virus without my consent.
Yesterday I had myself tested for everything and am waiting on the results. Whichever way my results come back I still need to address this and I’m really scared. I’m interested in all experiences if anyone is willing to share. I've looked and looked for a post or a forum to find someone, anyone, discussing this but can't find anything so please, if you're out there lend me some ESH?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 88
I don’t have any advice but wanted to say how sorry I am that you have found yourself in this situation.
I can only imagine how devastated and betrayed you feel. How long do you have to wait for results? That’s great that he’s not been using for all those years but it’s such a huge breach of trust to keep something so important from you that affects your health too.
Maybe dealing with this a step at a time will be helpful and wait for results before you decide how you are going to deal with this.
It was always a massive fear of mine with me ex ( also IVDU) and he always assured me all his blood work came back clear and never shared needles etc and I know his drug workers so I think also would have advised me to check if they thought I was at risk.
I’m not sure I could come back from such a betrayal as if the worst happens he has prevented you from seeking treatment for a long time and protecting your health.
Please keep posting and sharing your feelings
I can only imagine how devastated and betrayed you feel. How long do you have to wait for results? That’s great that he’s not been using for all those years but it’s such a huge breach of trust to keep something so important from you that affects your health too.
Maybe dealing with this a step at a time will be helpful and wait for results before you decide how you are going to deal with this.
It was always a massive fear of mine with me ex ( also IVDU) and he always assured me all his blood work came back clear and never shared needles etc and I know his drug workers so I think also would have advised me to check if they thought I was at risk.
I’m not sure I could come back from such a betrayal as if the worst happens he has prevented you from seeking treatment for a long time and protecting your health.
Please keep posting and sharing your feelings
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so sorry this has happened. I am also so glad you went and got yourself tested. So important.
I can imagine how betrayed you must feel. Have you sat down and had a conversation with him about this? What is in his headspace? To me that would make a difference. It's definitely a betrayal.
Sending you a big hug.
I can imagine how betrayed you must feel. Have you sat down and had a conversation with him about this? What is in his headspace? To me that would make a difference. It's definitely a betrayal.
Sending you a big hug.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 7
Thank you Missmac and hopeful.
Today's update is that I know my attitude toward him has changed dramatically. He is a bit of a grumpy old man occasionally and while it is incredibly aggravating and sometimes upsets me, I usually deal with his crappy moods with humour. For the last few days, since I found out about the hep c, I have just grumped right back at him.
Yesterday he picked a fight over how I had planned to clean a rug (I know right? Rug cleaning techniques are so freakin' important on a 2nd hand rug we got for FREE!). It ended with him saying he was leaving me and I think I'm ok with that. He was shocked when I asked for a date.
As I posted on the other side of this forum, he obviously has no intention of telling me willingly and it is probably emotionally easier, not healthier, obviously, for me to just shut up, let him go and run.
I have been through enough with all men and am done.
Oh, edited to say that I'm hep c negative but the Dr. harassed me to come back in and get anti depressants and all sorts of other stuff done. My kidneys look like they want to pack it in, so..yay me.
Today's update is that I know my attitude toward him has changed dramatically. He is a bit of a grumpy old man occasionally and while it is incredibly aggravating and sometimes upsets me, I usually deal with his crappy moods with humour. For the last few days, since I found out about the hep c, I have just grumped right back at him.
Yesterday he picked a fight over how I had planned to clean a rug (I know right? Rug cleaning techniques are so freakin' important on a 2nd hand rug we got for FREE!). It ended with him saying he was leaving me and I think I'm ok with that. He was shocked when I asked for a date.
As I posted on the other side of this forum, he obviously has no intention of telling me willingly and it is probably emotionally easier, not healthier, obviously, for me to just shut up, let him go and run.
I have been through enough with all men and am done.
Oh, edited to say that I'm hep c negative but the Dr. harassed me to come back in and get anti depressants and all sorts of other stuff done. My kidneys look like they want to pack it in, so..yay me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 356
Once you have had Hep C you will always test positive, even once you were treated for it or cleared it on your own. Because they check for antibodies and they will stay positive for the rest of your life even if you no longer have active disease. Since you say his levels were normal presumably that means he has no active disease (zéro viral load). Which in turn means you are not at risk. So before you freak out too much, think about that. He may have cleared it on its own or got treatment for it many years ago. So if he does not have active disease technically he is clean.
Should he have told you that he had active hep C at some point? I don’t honestly know. If he has been clear of active disease for many years not sure he felt it was relevant as he was not putting you at risk in any way.
So you should probably tell him you found the results by accident because otherwise it will continue to eat at you. Just ask him to explain. Because from what you told us here he is clean.
Should he have told you that he had active hep C at some point? I don’t honestly know. If he has been clear of active disease for many years not sure he felt it was relevant as he was not putting you at risk in any way.
So you should probably tell him you found the results by accident because otherwise it will continue to eat at you. Just ask him to explain. Because from what you told us here he is clean.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 7
Thank you from the bottom of my heart Sleepyhollo. Even my Dr. couldn't explain it as well as you have. You've really calmed me down, you have no idea.
From what I saw he had treatment many years ago. His levels were normal and he is very clean living, so I'm very relieved. He even has a few ancient, dodgy tattoos so it could have come from there as well. I don't care really, I just want honesty. But, I can see how "honesty" may not exactly apply to this situation. I can see myself possibly doing the same thing if I knew I was clear. I don't want to judge. I'm not in his shoes.
Thank you
From what I saw he had treatment many years ago. His levels were normal and he is very clean living, so I'm very relieved. He even has a few ancient, dodgy tattoos so it could have come from there as well. I don't care really, I just want honesty. But, I can see how "honesty" may not exactly apply to this situation. I can see myself possibly doing the same thing if I knew I was clear. I don't want to judge. I'm not in his shoes.
Thank you
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