Scared of drunk people
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Scared of drunk people
Another thread got me thinking about this... I’m scared of drunk people - men and women. When I first started drinking, it was due to social anxiety in college. When I’ve quit for a few weeks at a time off and on throughout adulthood, I get really scared to be around very drunk people. So scared that I need to leave immediately. I’m ok seeing people have a glass or two at dinner or a bar, but when people start slurring their words, falling down, becoming really loud, not making sense, etc., it really scares me.
Anyone else get this way? I’m wondering if it’s from childhood trauma (a few family members drank heavily), or fear of my own self-reflection.
Anyone else get this way? I’m wondering if it’s from childhood trauma (a few family members drank heavily), or fear of my own self-reflection.
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Dunno.
Really drunk people don't scare me, they repulse me. And I empathize with them and remember the bad old days.
I'm somewhat afraid that they might puke on me or start a fight or get all up in my face, but they don't scare me per se.
I can't stand the smell of alcohol on a person. But scared? No.
I'm sorry they scare you.
Really drunk people don't scare me, they repulse me. And I empathize with them and remember the bad old days.
I'm somewhat afraid that they might puke on me or start a fight or get all up in my face, but they don't scare me per se.
I can't stand the smell of alcohol on a person. But scared? No.
I'm sorry they scare you.
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Mostly no, until someone becomes negative, combative, or just acting out at a ridiculous level. Like the old adage, "instant azz hole just add alcohol".
I think that I mostly just got goofy acting. Embarrassing to think about it.
I think that I mostly just got goofy acting. Embarrassing to think about it.
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This wasn't an issue for me when I quit as I was never in a place where drunkenness could cause danger.
I didn't go much of anywhere when I was first getting sober, never to bars, and only occasionally to a restaurant to eat and leave. We don't have to be around alcohol much, if any, if we choose not to.
I didn't go much of anywhere when I was first getting sober, never to bars, and only occasionally to a restaurant to eat and leave. We don't have to be around alcohol much, if any, if we choose not to.
Giving up is NOT an option.
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I can relate to this somewhat. I think it might be some residual childhood trauma for me, and very possibly for you also, Daisy. I do try not to be around drunk people if possible, but sometimes it happens, and I do feel like escaping. It's a combination of feeling very uncomfortable, being a little repulsed, and being scared, if people get very intoxicated. I have witnessed people doing bad things when drunk, and I do fear that. I saw adults in my life lose control when I was a kid. Fighting, passing out, stuff like that. Nothing super traumatic, but enough to make me wonder how in the world I could ever start drinking and get that way myself. So yes, I think part of me being uncomfortable around drinkers is the knowledge that I used to be that way - it's an embarrassing memory.
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Just saw your other message on the other thread too.
Statistically alcohol is involved in a lot of violent episodes and horrible accidents. It seems pretty rational we get scared of drunk people, but we have it so normalised that I am guessing this is something particular to you as MLD said.
Alcohol smell is the trigger for many people with PTSD. It makes sense that drunk people make you feel scared in the same way if it awakens other emotions and images.
I also think this is very normal to feel scared of people shouting and becoming obnoxious, and these behaviours are associated to alcohol many times. All of us become 'alert' if we hear a bunch of men becoming very loud outside a pub, for instance. Women are constantly trained to become even more vigilant.
In brief, I don't think the majority of the population are scared of drunk people unless they behave in a particular way. AT the same time, I think your fear is probably a good protection because alcohol is behind lots of dangers.
Statistically alcohol is involved in a lot of violent episodes and horrible accidents. It seems pretty rational we get scared of drunk people, but we have it so normalised that I am guessing this is something particular to you as MLD said.
Alcohol smell is the trigger for many people with PTSD. It makes sense that drunk people make you feel scared in the same way if it awakens other emotions and images.
I also think this is very normal to feel scared of people shouting and becoming obnoxious, and these behaviours are associated to alcohol many times. All of us become 'alert' if we hear a bunch of men becoming very loud outside a pub, for instance. Women are constantly trained to become even more vigilant.
In brief, I don't think the majority of the population are scared of drunk people unless they behave in a particular way. AT the same time, I think your fear is probably a good protection because alcohol is behind lots of dangers.
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Thank you for the replies, everyone.
MLD & BackandScared, that’s why I posted... I wanted to see if it was a common or “normal” fear for those of us in recovery. It sounds from other replies that maybe it’s not the norm.
My mom abused alcohol when I was growing up and used to say derogatory things to me when she was drunk. My dad and his parents also used to drink heavily, and I hated going to his parent’s house because all of them would get so loud and obnoxious. There was another incident with family friends and the dad of the other family being inappropriate with my mom. One time my uncle was drunk, when I was 12, and I remember standing next to him and he was rubbing the back of my leg up to my shorts hem and said “oh, you’re shaving now.” Another time a family “friend” (male) was drunk and told me to come back and see him when I was 18 (I was 16 at the time). All those incidents give me a lot of anxiety, and I’m thinking that’s probably why I’m scared of drunk people... I don’t know if those are enough to provoke such scary feelings. Maybe there’s more than I’m forgetting.
MLD & BackandScared, that’s why I posted... I wanted to see if it was a common or “normal” fear for those of us in recovery. It sounds from other replies that maybe it’s not the norm.
My mom abused alcohol when I was growing up and used to say derogatory things to me when she was drunk. My dad and his parents also used to drink heavily, and I hated going to his parent’s house because all of them would get so loud and obnoxious. There was another incident with family friends and the dad of the other family being inappropriate with my mom. One time my uncle was drunk, when I was 12, and I remember standing next to him and he was rubbing the back of my leg up to my shorts hem and said “oh, you’re shaving now.” Another time a family “friend” (male) was drunk and told me to come back and see him when I was 18 (I was 16 at the time). All those incidents give me a lot of anxiety, and I’m thinking that’s probably why I’m scared of drunk people... I don’t know if those are enough to provoke such scary feelings. Maybe there’s more than I’m forgetting.
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I relate to much of what you are saying, at least in terms of people I know and care about.
My SO drinks, sometime on a nightly basis, and sometimes to excess. She was my main drinking partner, and when I was still drinking, together we would sometimes polish off multiple bottles of wine in one night.
She's cut back tremendously since then, and technically, I don't have a problem with her drinking. What triggers me is when I start to see signs of intoxication - speech slurring, behavior changes, shaky gait etc. When it gets to a certain point, it's almost unbearable for me, as I watch all these symptoms increase in intensity, and frankly, it's sad and pathetic.
I've told her a number of times that I hate watching her IQ drop by 40-50 points. It's also a painful reminder and mirror of my own alcohol abuse, and in a way, helps strengthen my sobriety.
I've also come to the realization that my wife's drinking triggers memories of my past. I had an alcoholic father and I not only cringed when he would come home drunk, I withered up inside, because I never knew if he was in a happy drunk state or a mean drunk state. It was the latter I was always concerned about, and I am realizing that that's part of the anxiety I experience when I see my wife drink, even when she doesn't get intoxicated.
So, in a sense, it does scare me. Experiencing intoxicated people through sober eyes is, well, sobering. It reminds me of how alcohol affected me, as I think it does you as well. On the other hand, it can be a powerful reminder of how you used to be, and that you are not that way any longer.
Hang onto that!
My SO drinks, sometime on a nightly basis, and sometimes to excess. She was my main drinking partner, and when I was still drinking, together we would sometimes polish off multiple bottles of wine in one night.
She's cut back tremendously since then, and technically, I don't have a problem with her drinking. What triggers me is when I start to see signs of intoxication - speech slurring, behavior changes, shaky gait etc. When it gets to a certain point, it's almost unbearable for me, as I watch all these symptoms increase in intensity, and frankly, it's sad and pathetic.
I've told her a number of times that I hate watching her IQ drop by 40-50 points. It's also a painful reminder and mirror of my own alcohol abuse, and in a way, helps strengthen my sobriety.
I've also come to the realization that my wife's drinking triggers memories of my past. I had an alcoholic father and I not only cringed when he would come home drunk, I withered up inside, because I never knew if he was in a happy drunk state or a mean drunk state. It was the latter I was always concerned about, and I am realizing that that's part of the anxiety I experience when I see my wife drink, even when she doesn't get intoxicated.
So, in a sense, it does scare me. Experiencing intoxicated people through sober eyes is, well, sobering. It reminds me of how alcohol affected me, as I think it does you as well. On the other hand, it can be a powerful reminder of how you used to be, and that you are not that way any longer.
Hang onto that!
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TacoDude, that makes a lot of sense to me. I think I pushed away all of those scared and anxious feelings by joining in on the drinking. I figured, if I’m drunk, then I won’t realize how it’s making me feel. Now that I’m sober, all of this mess is coming out. I’m not even around drunk people, but the mere thought of it is anxiety provoking. You’re right in that it’s making me never want to go back to that place. It’s almost a double edged sword.
I’m working on Step 4 through AA and I think it’s stirring up some of these feelings. Fortunately, I’m talking with my sponsor tomorrow.
I’m working on Step 4 through AA and I think it’s stirring up some of these feelings. Fortunately, I’m talking with my sponsor tomorrow.
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You should stay away from people who make you feel this uncomfortable. You owe nothing to someone drunk. It is more difficult if it is your partner, but I would say you are more than entitled not to be uncomfortable after all the effort you have put into being sober yourself.
Drunk people don't really notice you being there anyway.
It does not trigger me; I just find it very boring after a while. But if it did, I would train myself to get into the habit of disappearing every time
Drunk people don't really notice you being there anyway.
It does not trigger me; I just find it very boring after a while. But if it did, I would train myself to get into the habit of disappearing every time
Giving up is NOT an option.
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Step 4 will definitely stir up all sorts of feelings and memories! That was a rough point in sobriety for me. I was about 6 months sober, and trying to work through all of that was hard. But I did it, and came through it with a much better understanding of myself and others. It's worth it, no matter how scary it is.
TacoDude - you explained it better than I did. I get triggered by my SO's drinking. He has cut back since I quit, too, but sometimes he still really ties one on. I can't be around him when he gets that way, and luckily we do not live together, so I can just go home. I have told him how I feel about it, and he understands. But it does stir up all sorts of thoughts and emotions in me, and your explanation is pretty much spot of for what happens in my head and heart. Memories of drunk family members, memories of myself as a drunk.
TacoDude - you explained it better than I did. I get triggered by my SO's drinking. He has cut back since I quit, too, but sometimes he still really ties one on. I can't be around him when he gets that way, and luckily we do not live together, so I can just go home. I have told him how I feel about it, and he understands. But it does stir up all sorts of thoughts and emotions in me, and your explanation is pretty much spot of for what happens in my head and heart. Memories of drunk family members, memories of myself as a drunk.
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this subject DaisyBelle7. I think that it's healthy to talk through all of the different aspects of alcohol addiction, the resulting behavior, and the effects it has on ourselves and others.
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Just wanted to say I think it is fantastic you are doing your 4th step.
Yes it can stir up stuff and can be uncomfortable, troubling etc
But it is so very very worth it.
The morning after my 5th, I woke up with complete silence in my mind.
First time in my life, I didn't have that itty bitty 💩 committee greet me on awakening.
I cried with joy, literally.
My wife who had never seen me cry, got quite a shock 😆
Yes it can stir up stuff and can be uncomfortable, troubling etc
But it is so very very worth it.
The morning after my 5th, I woke up with complete silence in my mind.
First time in my life, I didn't have that itty bitty 💩 committee greet me on awakening.
I cried with joy, literally.
My wife who had never seen me cry, got quite a shock 😆
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Thank you for saying that, Cityboy. That means a lot to me.
Derringer, I didn’t know what any of the steps were before I started AA. Right when I read Step 4, I thought, “oh man, this is gonna be a doozy!” It’s nice to hear from others who have been through it that it gets better on the other side. It has helped to write down some of the names and go process. I have a few more to work on today. I’m glad you had such a positive experience from it. That’s really uplifting!
Derringer, I didn’t know what any of the steps were before I started AA. Right when I read Step 4, I thought, “oh man, this is gonna be a doozy!” It’s nice to hear from others who have been through it that it gets better on the other side. It has helped to write down some of the names and go process. I have a few more to work on today. I’m glad you had such a positive experience from it. That’s really uplifting!
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I wouldnt call it being scared cause heck I used to be a booze hound 285 days ago. So now I just observe people. And think geez I use to be like that? Not to put myself up there. But I almost feel sorry for some folks. I know some of them are really sick. Just like I was. It is a vicious cycle that for some its hard to get out of. For me once I threw the towel in it was over with. Best thing I ever did in my adult life although. A little late but hey better late than never. I take it one day at a time. ✌
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Originally Posted by DaisyBelle7 
Thank you for saying that, Cityboy. That means a lot to me.
It's a tough pill to swallow when you think about it, which reinforces the cycle of alcohol dependency, which leads to more things to feel guilty about.
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